Dumped him, what did I do wrong?

[jay1983]

IDK I just thought it was a bit much. *shrugs

[Lernaean_Hydra]

IDK I just thought it was a bit much. *shrugs

 

Nah, that dude was a loser and she was just venting and listing the reasons why things ended. Her comments weren't really derogatory or malicious and she basically just outlined the things he did. Fair play if you ask me. I don't see it as too much at all.

 

Anyway.....Crystal, I'm so sorry you put up with all that crap for so long . I don't really have too much else to add about him because it's pretty much already been said. He was a terrible relationship candidate but on the brightside, you've gotten your relationship training wheels off and this experience has probably knocked a bit of the stars out of your eyes when it comes to dating, which actually isn't a bad thing. It's making you question certain things about yourself/standards which I think is healthy, especially for a young woman relatively inexperienced with dating.

 

I just want to know how to avoid these kinds of men in the future.

 

Sometimes it's hard to avoid these kinds of men completely but we can certainly limit how much time we give them. Think about all the red flags you experienced (and excused) with your ex and take them to heart. When/if you stumble upon certain similar attitudes/behaviors again, run! And don't look back. Don't feel bad, don't make excuses just move on.

[Els]

IDK I just thought it was a bit much. *shrugs

 

I didn't think it was too much at all. Actually it is pretty mild as far as descriptions of exes go on LS.

 

What a relief! My best friend freaked out and told me my boundaries aren't very good but she was just concerned (like a good friend would) that I had allowed myself to be put in these kinds of situations without standing my ground or leaving. But in my defense its easier said than done.

 

I definitely agree with everything you say, and I believe that most men aren't like this. I picked a bad seed because not all the glaring red flags come out right away. But I'm confident that there are plenty of guys out there who are fantastic and I'm looking forward to meeting them, dating them and being in relationships with them. My guy friends are exemplary men, especially to their gfs and wives, I just need to find a guy like that for myself.

 

Good luck! Subsequent Rs usually turn out to be better, especially given that you are open to learning from your mistakes. I'm also glad that you're doing very well with moving on.

[DC77]

Kudos for standing up for yourself. No woman deserves that kind of disrespect. I would venture to say this dude is somewhere in his twenties. He still has a boyish immaturity about him and not a clue about relationships. It's all about him. I would also venture to say you are probably a beautiful person inside and out, which is what attracted him to you....

 

I didn't read every response, but I think you're understanding it's not you. I was in a similar situation in my twenties with a controlling guy. Only we were in it for years and talking marriage. It took me many years of maturing to understand what had happened.

 

I would guess the guy has his own self esteem and insecurity issues and took it out on you. He got to be with a beautiful woman but also took advantage of your self esteem for his benefit. By controlling you and making you feel bad about yourself gave him a boosting gratification. That is not your responsibility in any way shape or form and you did good to get out.

 

As far as red flags, I think it's rare to get any immediate red flags. Sometimes you can pick up right away on a first date but again I would say that's rare.. Most dates, women included, usually try to put their best selves forward at first. I find that the real person doesn't start showing until about 1-3 months in and that's usually when I start to see red flags. I would also say, even though it's good to keep an eye out for red flags, try not to pass too much immediate judgement, ie he dresses poorly, my ex dressed poorly...that must be a red flag. Maybe it is maybe it isn't. Don't knee jerk. Every guy deserves a clean slate.