lost my best friend

[faded19]

Hey there

 

So I'm kind of lost right now about a situation I'm in with a great female friend. I could really use a fresh set of eyes so to speak. I thank u in advance for any advice u can give.

 

I've been friends with her for close to 10 years. We worked together for 4 years but stayed in touch afterwards. There has always been something between us but besides a few kisses nothing ever came of it. However, a year ago we got back in touch and things kind of took off. Over the last year we got closer than ever thru letters then emails and texts and then calling from opposite sides of the country. She was my best friend. Last March I admitted to her that I had feelings for her. She responded by saying she had thought about it too but was afraid it would hurt our friendship. I just laughed it off and told her it was fine. We were 4000 kms apart and I knew nothing could happen. I just wanted her to know.

 

Months went by and we spoke everyday. It grew progressively flirtier and was so much fun. When college let out for summer instead of flying home she came right to me. In spite of her saying we shouldn't be together her 5 day visit turned into her getting a job here and us getting a condo together. We also started sleeping together. Besides a few times she said she thought the transition was weird she seemed happy with it.

 

Things got a little tough tho. The company who hired her fought wildfire and without fire she wasn't working and was broke. I was away at camp 9 days at a time and she was lonely. I was having trouble with my truck and that finally culminated with it burning to the ground on the side of the highway. We just weren't having the summer we wanted.

 

Finally she got called in to work. I dropped her off and next thing I know she's gone off camping and hiking and fishing while the company picks up the bill and buys the drinks. I'm just going to admit it, I was jealous. All the things we had planned to do she was doing with others. I felt ditched and I felt stupid for feeling that way so I withdrew. When she called or texted I kept it short and found a reason to let her go. Years ago she had an extremely jealous bf who broke her jaw and is scared to death of jealousy so I didn't want her to know. All I succeeded in doing was confusing her and pushing her away. When I realized I was being an idiot I frantically tried to make amends but even tho she said we were cool it's still awkward between us. She doesn't call or text and when I try to reach out she doesn't answer. I tried to take a hint and went NC but then she called me out of the blue to say hi. We talked and it was light and good. We talked about rent and seemed to be on the same page but when the 1st came she didn't send it. I sent her 3 message that day. First reminding of rent 2nd asking if she was ok and 3rd asking her what her problem was. I got no response. The next day she responded to tell me to stop freaking out and she was out of service for 2 days. I told her it was fine but I had to pay all the rent myself so a heads up would've been nice. I asked her to send the rent but she still didn't. 2 days passed and I didn't say a word. I got home and the condo was messy and the door was unlocked so I txted her and asked her why. Still no answer so I told her to just stay where she was cause I was pissed off. She came home anyways and explained in a way that made me feel like a jerk. I keep thinking her behavior is a passive aggressive way of punishing me but then, when I finally say something, she tells me it's not and I feel like a fool. The whole thing has gotten so confused and it's frustrating.

 

So anyways when we went from friends to dating we talked about keeping it casual. She was only here for the summer so it's not like we could get too serious anyways. She also told me she was fine with me sleeping with other women. I told her I had no interest in that but got to thinking. Did that mean it was ok for her to sleep with other guys? I realized I wasn't cool with that so I told her so. I realized I had too strong of feelings for her to keep it casual so if we weren't going to date each other exclusively I'd rather remain friends. I stumbled over the explanation of it to her and I think she was insulted but won't admit it. Actually I feel like everything I say or do just comes across wrong and pushes her farther away. I decided no contact was the way to go but then she'd call just to say hi and I'd keep it light but things still feel weird.

 

We don't talk anymore. We avoid each other and the easiness we had is gone. The whole thing breaks my heart. This woman was a huge support to me thru one of the toughest times of my life and for that I will love her always. I'm fine with us not dating but I miss how we were before. We built something amazing from 4000 kms away and now shHey there

 

So I'm kind of lost right now about a situation I'm in with a great female friend. I could really use a fresh set of eyes so to speak. I thank u in advance for any advice u can give.

 

I've been friends with her for close to 10 years. We worked together for 4 years but stayed in touch afterwards. There has always been something between us but besides a few kisses nothing ever came of it. However, a year ago we got back in touch and things kind of took off. Over the last year we got closer than ever thru letters then emails and texts and then calling from opposite sides of the country. She was my best friend. Last March I admitted to her that I had feelings for her. She responded by saying she had thought about it too but was afraid it would hurt our friendship. I just laughed it off and told her it was fine. We were 4000 kms apart and I knew nothing could happen. I just wanted her to know.

 

Months went by and we spoke everyday. It grew progressively flirtier and was so much fun. When college let out for summer instead of flying home she came right to me. In spite of her saying we shouldn't be together her 5 day visit turned into her getting a job here and us getting a condo together. We also started sleeping together. Besides a few times she said she thought the transition was weird she seemed happy with it.

 

Things got a little tough tho. The company who hired her fought wildfire and without fire she wasn't working and was broke. I was away at camp 9 days at a time and she was lonely. I was having trouble with my truck and that finally culminated with it burning to the ground on the side of the highway. We just weren't having the summer we wanted.

 

Finally she got called in to work. I dropped her off and next thing I know she's gone off camping and hiking and fishing while the company picks up the bill and buys the drinks. I'm just going to admit it, I was jealous. All the things we had planned to do she was doing with others. I felt ditched and I felt stupid for feeling that way so I withdrew. When she called or texted I kept it short and found a reason to let her go. Years ago she had an extremely jealous bf who broke her jaw and is scared to death of jealousy so I didn't want her to know. All I succeeded in doing was confusing her and pushing her away. When I realized I was being an idiot I frantically tried to make amends but even tho she said we were cool it's still awkward between us. She doesn't call or text and when I try to reach out she doesn't answer. I tried to take a hint and went NC but then she called me out of the blue to say hi. We talked and it was light and good. We talked about rent and seemed to be on the same page but when the 1st came she didn't send it. I sent her 3 message that day. First reminding of rent 2nd asking if she was ok and 3rd asking her what her problem was. I got no response. The next day she responded to tell me to stop freaking out and she was out of service for 2 days. I told her it was fine but I had to pay all the rent myself so a heads up would've been nice. I asked her to send the rent but she still didn't. 2 days passed and I didn't say a word. I got home and the condo was messy and the door was unlocked so I txted her and asked her why. Still no answer so I told her to just stay where she was cause I was pissed off. She came home anyways and explained in a way that made me feel like a jerk. I keep thinking her behavior is a passive aggressive way of punishing me but then, when I finally say something, she tells me it's not and I feel like a fool. The whole thing has gotten so confused and it's frustrating.

 

So anyways when we went from friends to dating we talked about keeping it casual. She was only here for the summer so it's not like we could get too serious anyways. She also told me she was fine with me sleeping with other women. I told her I had no interest in that but got to thinking. Did that mean it was ok for her to sleep with other guys? I realized I wasn't cool with that so I told her so. I realized I had too strong of feelings for her to keep it casual so if we weren't going to date each other exclusively I'd rather remain friends. I stumbled over the explanation of it to her and I think she was insulted but won't admit it. Actually I feel like everything I say or do just comes across wrong and pushes her farther away. I decided no contact was the way to go but then she'd call just to say hi and I'd keep it light but things still feel weird.

 

We don't talk anymore. We avoid each other and the easiness we had is gone. The whole thing breaks my heart. This woman was a huge support to me thru one of the toughest times of my life and for that I will love her always. I'm fine with us not dating but I miss how we were before. We built something amazing from 4000 kms away and now she's right here but has never felt farther away. I'm hurt pretty badly over this and I'm afraid emotions are clouding my judgement. So I've come here for the opinions and advice from people not involved in it.

 

I just want my best friend back

e's right here but has never felt farther away. I'm hurt pretty badly over this and I'm afraid emotions are clouding my judgement. So I've come here for the opinions and advice from people not involved in it.

 

I just want my best friend back

[faded19]

Wow

OK so I don't know why my thread came out all doubled like that. If anyone has any questions or needs clarification please feel free to ask

 

Thanks

[preraph]

Well, that is a mess. You can't just pretend not to be jealous. It's just not honest. I'm glad you at least told her you're not cool with seeing other people.

 

What I'm getting here is that she's simply got another life going on that she's happy with. I don't feel like she's really dedicated to trying to make a go of it with you. As you said, she's going and doing so many fun things with her new gang.

 

I just think your best option here is to stand back and live your own life. If she continues being weird about the rent, well, you know what you have to do.

[faded19]

Agreed

We're both moving out this month anyways. She's going back east for school and I'm moving in with some friends. It's just weird to me cause she has always been super busy with friends and school and sports before and was always in constant contact with me regardless. I just wonder if this whole friendship was built on a mutual attraction and, now that we both know we're not going to be together, if the whole thing will fizzle out and die.

 

I've gone NC and I'm doing my own thing but I'm hoping it will blow over