E-Heart Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Does anyone here keep a journal to write down their feelings, events, etc. I started one a while ago and every time I wrote in it, I got angry because it made my feelings even more real, so I stopped. Now I'm thinking of starting to write down things that happened and my feelings to actually keep myself angry! I know that sounds weird, but sometimes I feel myself getting "soft" and scared I'm going to go back! It reminds of how I'm being treated and makes me want to stay away! Writing might be my way of keeping myself away from him for the next little while, until I forget about things that were said and done and can move on without it! Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Just write as much as you can, If you get scared in the middle of writing stop and pause. It is normal to lose courage in the middle of writing heart breaking and traumatic situation. You feel like you are going to have another crisis. It would help if could tell someone who could write it for you. I have been trying to write a very bad traumatic event happened to me but when I am trying to focus, I remember situations that bring me back in the past. Then instead of writing , I start thinking about it, my hands start shaking, I lose strength, I feel kind of depressed and stop. I heard other people saying to same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Whisper Quiet Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Keeping a journal helps. Spilling your feelings - good, and bad, despair, elation does help. Your journal does not get tired if you are writing the same things again...and again. Your journal does not judge. It can help to diffuse pent up anger, make you feel like you were crazy when you reread it, clarify you that you were not crazy when you stood up for yourself, enforced boundaries and made tough decisions, help you to remember why need to stay focused on you and not get pulled back into situations that are not good for you. Give it a try. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 Just write as much as you can, If you get scared in the middle of writing stop and pause. It is normal to lose courage in the middle of writing heart breaking and traumatic situation. You feel like you are going to have another crisis. It would help if could tell someone who could write it for you. I have been trying to write a very bad traumatic event happened to me but when I am trying to focus, I remember situations that bring me back in the past. Then instead of writing , I start thinking about it, my hands start shaking, I lose strength, I feel kind of depressed and stop. I heard other people saying to same thing. That's how I felt today, I had to stop because I was getting too anxious (and so angry). But i'll keep at it! I have no one to talk to Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 Keeping a journal helps. Spilling your feelings - good, and bad, despair, elation does help. Your journal does not get tired if you are writing the same things again...and again. Your journal does not judge. It can help to diffuse pent up anger, make you feel like you were crazy when you reread it, clarify you that you were not crazy when you stood up for yourself, enforced boundaries and made tough decisions, help you to remember why need to stay focused on you and not get pulled back into situations that are not good for you. Give it a try. Thank you for the encouragement! I just feel like sometimes it makes me go in reverse! Link to post Share on other sites
winterkeep Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 journaling has never helped me! It does for many though It just keeps me wallowing and frustrated rather then feeling as though I'm moving forward. I did find that it helped me to find clarity when I wrote down a timeline and a bunch of cold, hard facts though. Everyone's brains are wired differently, I love facts, plans and taking action. My sister on the other hand is far more of an emotional/intuitive person who likes to explore what she's feeling - journaling works really well for her. Me? I'd rather go climb a mountain or something! Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 don't put things on paper or computer. violating hackers information blackmailers lurk everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 There would be NO WAY I'd keep a journal. There is the possibility that some day it will come back to haunt you.... you just never know how that happens. Same for putting anything in writing. There's even risks posting on these forums, if the wrong person somehow identified you and read your posts. Also, I rarely write letters and careful about texting for the same reason. Find someone to talk to, and that's MUCH better to get some feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 There would be NO WAY I'd keep a journal. There is the possibility that some day it will come back to haunt you.... you just never know how that happens. Same for putting anything in writing. There's even risks posting on these forums, if the wrong person somehow identified you and read your posts. Also, I rarely write letters and careful about texting for the same reason. Find someone to talk to, and that's MUCH better to get some feedback. Wow! This makes me wonder what you're afraid of. Are there things you've done that you're THAT deeply ashamed of? OP, I love journaling. I think part of the trick is to be truthful and inclusive of ALL your thoughts and experiences. No day is all bad. Sure, some are more bad than good. But unless you're melancholically bed-ridden depressed, there is usually a glimmer of something, somewhere, sometime. Make sure you record that glimmer too! That and your reflection and learnings. It helps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Wow! This makes me wonder what you're afraid of. Are there things you've done that you're THAT deeply ashamed of? OP, I love journaling. I think part of the trick is to be truthful and inclusive of ALL your thoughts and experiences. No day is all bad. Sure, some are more bad than good. But unless you're melancholically bed-ridden depressed, there is usually a glimmer of something, somewhere, sometime. Make sure you record that glimmer too! That and your reflection and learnings. It helps. Nothing ashamed of, but you'd be surprised what happens with Journals and Diaries..... For example, a few years down the road, when there's a new SO and that person reads it, and misinterprets it.... or perhaps a friend reads it and late becomes less friendly and spreads rumors, etc, etc. And it's not only journals and diaries that get people in trouble... how many people have gotten in trouble on Facebook, or on Forums like this, or old letters... and things are misinterpreted because when you post, often your in a different emotional state. It's bad enough when you say something that someone doesn't like or uses against you, but in writing, it's makes it worse. Fortunately, I've not had a problem.... don't do Facebook or any social media, and try to remain anonymous. Just good planning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 Nothing ashamed of, but you'd be surprised what happens with Journals and Diaries..... For example, a few years down the road, when there's a new SO and that person reads it, and misinterprets it.... or perhaps a friend reads it and late becomes less friendly and spreads rumors, etc, etc. And it's not only journals and diaries that get people in trouble... how many people have gotten in trouble on Facebook, or on Forums like this, or old letters... and things are misinterpreted because when you post, often your in a different emotional state. It's bad enough when you say something that someone doesn't like or uses against you, but in writing, it's makes it worse. Fortunately, I've not had a problem.... don't do Facebook or any social media, and try to remain anonymous. Just good planning. I'm not going to keep this journal forever! It's just for now. Believe me, I will not want to read it even two years from now. I will be throwing it out after a while. It's really just to write down my feelings for the time being. If a special someone walks into my life, you really think I'm going to keep that thing...it'll gi in the garbage! Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Nothing ashamed of, but you'd be surprised what happens with Journals and Diaries..... For example, a few years down the road, when there's a new SO and that person reads it, and misinterprets it.... or perhaps a friend reads it and late becomes less friendly and spreads rumors, etc, etc. And it's not only journals and diaries that get people in trouble... how many people have gotten in trouble on Facebook, or on Forums like this, or old letters... and things are misinterpreted because when you post, often your in a different emotional state. It's bad enough when you say something that someone doesn't like or uses against you, but in writing, it's makes it worse. Fortunately, I've not had a problem.... don't do Facebook or any social media, and try to remain anonymous. Just good planning. But does that really matter? I have a very short list of people whose opinions I actually care about in the personal and professional contexts. And I know they'll be on my side no matter what; that's not to say they'll necessarily approve, but I know they'll stick by me. And as for future SOs... Well they won't be an SO without me baring all anyway. So what's to fear? I acknowledge that there may be trouble... But that's not an impediment to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 But does that really matter? I have a very short list of people whose opinions I actually care about in the personal and professional contexts. And I know they'll be on my side no matter what; that's not to say they'll necessarily approve, but I know they'll stick by me. And as for future SOs... Well they won't be an SO without me baring all anyway. So what's to fear? I acknowledge that there may be trouble... But that's not an impediment to me. SolG, For the most part, I agree. When in a committed relationship, it's important to have be transparent, and I've practiced that over the years, with success. There's nothing I would hide from my SO, however, there may be some things that could be uncomfortable. I will let her know or see them, if she wishes, but tell her it may be uncomfortable. Especially when you start discussing previous relationships. There are some details best left uncovered. Same with business relationships, you put your good foot forward and don't bring out the times when things weren't going well (which happens to all of us). I've had MANY situations that were better because of disclosure of only what was important. I'd MUCH rather be anonymous and low key. There's little to be gained about spreading things about yourself that could hurt you, like your successes, failures, riches, relationships, etc. A good example is look at politicians, when they run for office.... they literally get their life opened up and a lot has nothing to do with their abilities, but just creates conflict. Why anyone would want to expose themselves to that information, or even have it recorded, like in a journal. Makes absolutely no sense. I know, I've taken it to a bit of extreme, but you get the point. But some people like to brag. Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 I think that if I've secretly been with a MM for 3 years without anyone I know or he knows catching us...I think I can keep a journal away from everyone! It will be destroyed one day! I'm not worried! Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I think that if I've secretly been with a MM for 3 years without anyone I know or he knows catching us...I think I can keep a journal away from everyone! It will be destroyed one day! I'm not worried! Sounds good, but why even mess with it?.... over three years, it's easy to just forget about it and then it's hanging around somewhere. And you're lucky w the affair, or very skillful. Can be done, just too much work for me, and too risky. However, in the right circumstances, I could see it work out fine. Best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I opt to store everything in my head, primarily because one of my kids has a special talent of "finding" even the most kept private stuff of mine. I suppose the nearest thing to a journal would be my personal calendar on my phone, but everything there is coded and of course, feelings can't be written down. I just can't take the risk. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I opt to store everything in my head, primarily because one of my kids has a special talent of "finding" even the most kept private stuff of mine. I suppose the nearest thing to a journal would be my personal calendar on my phone, but everything there is coded and of course, feelings can't be written down. I just can't take the risk. You have a smart plan.... I'm not quite paranoid to code things on my calendar much, but prob should. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) Wow, I'm quite surprised by the amount of paranoia regarding journaling. I've journaled my whole life. I have diaries from when I was in elementary school albeit they were scribbled in those coiled notebooks used for school rather than fancy leather bound journals I use today. I've never been one to journal on any schedule but rather wrote whenever the spirit moved me kind of thing. Sometimes that was several times a day and sometimes I'd go weeks, months or years without needing to journal. It has helped a great deal for ME but then again I consider myself to be more of an emotional person and the need to dump excessive emotions and feelings in order to move forward can be overwhelming at times. I have often compared journaling to that of someone who resorts to cutting themselves; you have all these pent up emotions and intense pain that makes it overwhelming where the act of cutting (or journaling) is a way to cope with all that comfortableness. You get to "feel" and it kind of takes off the pressure if only for that moment. Other kinds of people feel more benefit from hiking or working out or whatever. I would caution you about throwing away your journal at any point. You'd be surprised how therapeutic it can be to go back and review old journals. Often it's a way to celebrate how far you've come while other times it's a very tangible reminder of the work yet to be done. Seeing your life laid out on page after page helps take something so personal and subjective and turns it on its head. It helps you see your life from a more objective point of view, something most people can't do to save their lives whilst in the throws of their personal dramas. There is a lot of healing that can come from this. As for the paranoia, I don't personally get it. Unless you robbed a bank or plotted to kill someone and wrote about it in detail I don't understand what there is to be so frighten about. Yes, there might be sensitive details that you'd rather it not be shared with just anyone but at the same time if you're with someone who is willing to invade your privacy without consent or use sensitive information against you then you have bigger problems than the overall merits of journaling. Good luck. Edited August 8, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I opt to store everything in my head, primarily because one of my kids has a special talent of "finding" even the most kept private stuff of mine. I suppose the nearest thing to a journal would be my personal calendar on my phone, but everything there is coded and of course, feelings can't be written down. I just can't take the risk. Smart planning.... never thought about coding things on the calendar.... good idea for sensitive stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
winterkeep Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 How's your NC going E-Heart? Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 You have a smart plan.... I'm not quite paranoid to code things on my calendar much, but prob should. My phone has a password, yet the kids managed to break it because they were determined to play games on it. If we are waiting at school, friends pass by and watch them play (see how the audience grows?). At this stage someone might accidentally tap on the text messages button and viola! Some of my contacts are coded, have coded text messages with some people, and since my calendar hold my bondage shows, all the more to put everything in codes. I used to have a journal in my teen years but having extended family living in the neighbourhood, a diary is a dangerous weapon so I've learned to code everything at an early age. Link to post Share on other sites
jaskiegs Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 ...and since my calendar hold my bondage shows, all the more to put everything in codes... OK, yeah, I guess I see why you are paranoid! For me, journaling has helped tremendously. I get to re-read what I've wrote and identify where the anger comes from, why I'm sad, and what my real options are. But I've recently stopped. I'm in the emotional doldrums at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 How's your NC going E-Heart? Well...I can't say NC is going well Worked together all weekend and hard to avoid! I don't know where my head is at right now! I almost want to believe things will happen by the end of September. He keeps saying that they will. I know that my deadline is end of September, and he knows that and agrees with it! (for the very first time, we are agreeing on a deadline). I don't know what to think! Everything on here tells me not to have anymore hopes...and I know that the chances are extremely slim. I just feel like something will happen.... I feel like I can't go completely NC until the end of September I know...slap me! And then everyone here can tell me "I told you so!" Link to post Share on other sites
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