Should I keep my feelings for my friend silent and move on?

[Insignificantdetails]

We have been friends for a decade, but lived far apart due to family situations. He wrote beautiful letters to me & we always kept in touch via email. Now, he is in a serious long-term relationship and I am enjoying singledom for the first time in a long while. But...I have been nursing feelings for him for about a year.

 

I was working in recent years & he always kept in consistent contact. I finally decided to move home & when I saw him he revealed his gf had been seriously ill & is still recovering - and didn't seem 100% happy with her but he's sharing a life with her so it's clearly serious.

 

There is a lot of chemistry between us & I have supported him through a bereavement recently. The truth is that I have strong feelings for this man and would want to pursue something if we were both single.

 

When we saw each other we spent hours together walking & talking. Later, we spent some quiet time together as we both had work to do & at one point, he handed me a book and asked me to read the chapter the writer wrote about his wife. I did - it was very touching. As I was leaving, he gave me a long tight hug & then as I was about to walk away he hugged me again. As we parted, he asked when I would be moving abroad again. I told him I wouldn't be, which he clearly hadn't realised.

 

At this point, I feel like I have to move forward and start dating pro-actively to get him off my mind. But what if he feels the same way but didn't think anything was possible because we were always too far apart? Am I doing the respectful and moral thing by staying silent here?

[Qboro90]

I think you're doing the respectful thing at this point by remaining silent. However you can easily suggest your openness to dating him the next time you're together or talking. Or whenever the next time the conversation turns to dating or his/your current status/situation. Keep it light though, don't delve into how much you want to be with him and how you don't want to have him break up with his gf because of you (even tho that's the case)

 

You should bring it up in a light manner in a way that won't jeaprodize your friendship if he doesn't reciprocate. Could do it saying "yea it's actually funny you say that, I've thought about what would happen if you and I dated a bunch of times...... Don't want to be cocky but pretty sure we'd be phenominal of course". Or could be nonchalant and if you and him ran into someone next time you're together say "___ so and so asked me after you left how long we've been together". I'm sure you can come up with something better but it's mainly just to gauge how he reacts.

 

If he gets into it and says he's thought that too or something positive about it then that could open a more serious convo. Good luck

[todreaminblue]

he is with a recovering girlfriend who has been ill....i dont think it would be at all right to broach the topic of dating each other......until he decided it was time to end the relationship he is in and then start something with you if he wanted too and you still felt the same way.............deb

[preraph]

Since I know you don't want to date a guy who would abandon his very ill girlfriend at her weakest point, you must respect the boundary until the crisis has well passed, not just barely passed, because she will know he was up to something and doesn't need to live with that bitterness. If he sticks by her at least until she's back on her feet , then he's a good enough guy to consider dating down the road. Meanwhile, date other people just in case he isn't.

[vrj]

have you tried saying it with a joke or maybe talked about it like why not have a relationship with me? Based on my experience were bff like forever then we tried having a relationship but in the end it turns out that sometimes its better to be friends than to have a relationship because almost 70% of humans treat their ex like garbage and only 30% treat their ex like nothing happen. But still it's up to your decision this is just my advice good luck and god bless...