A Month of Head Games..

[Warriors]

Long story short,

 

For those of you that know my story (which isn't much different than many other break ups) my girlfriend dumped me a month ago for insecurities, fighting, not seeing each other for a month didn't help, so she fell out of love, had a change of heart. This was after a year of being together, 2 years before that of having a connection.

 

For the full detail just look up my other threads.

 

-------------------------

 

 

Anyways, I feel like a rabbit chasing a carrot on a string.. She's in control of the entire situation and decides when or if she takes me back.

 

Everyone told me to give her space.. She asked for space. Eventually I gave her two days before she texted me while I was at a barbeque. This conversation led into us talking about seeing each other on her next day off. (of course, this didn't stick) This was August 1st.

 

Two days later was my birthday. We talked some more about meeting up and it seemed as if we was on the road to get back together, but maybe only in my mind.. She's giving me all sorts of mixed signals, cold / hot streaks (more cold than hot) of saying the most lowest things you could possibly say about someone. lol She knows exactly what to say to hurt me. She even rubs ex-boyfriends in my face. All of a sudden there was all of these things she was unhappy about that I wasn't aware of because she would denigh these things.

 

For example Christmas I wasn't doing well financially and she got on me about the quality of gifts I got her, did for her during Valentines Day. We had an amazing time those holidays, so now when she looks back on every memory she picks out the negative side of everything. (which isn't good) Btw she claimed to not care about gifts / money ect. All she wants is my trust and love. What she said back then.

 

Im still blocked on Facebook... Social media is how we gotten closer, but now it's our worst enemy. We fight about it anytime it's even brought up.

 

She recently demanded me to delete every single female on my page. (while she's still adding guys) She doesn't care that she's being a hypocrit because Im the one who ****ed up.. So things have to be her way? I don't agree with that at all being since how sincere I have shown that I was about change, our future goals and about being together happily ever after! Reconcilation is a mutual agreement / feeling where the man and woman have to be on the same page.

 

As of right now she's treating me like a door mat which makes me think twice about getting back into a relationship if this is how its going to be now.

 

It seems like she leads me on, has no respect for me to tell me little lies.. She keeps making dates to see each other, then backs out of it for some excuse / reason. Maybe cause we had a lil' argument for 5 minutes yesterday.

 

When we talk it's constant debating, sometimes turns into arguing (because she snaps, gets angry instantly for little to no reason) I start calling back cause she'll hang up on me. Then when I stop calling she calls back 5-10 minutes later.

 

All of this is driving me crazy. lol

 

After a month of doing this chase thing, trying to talk my way back onto the road of being together again, Im becoming exhausted! Im losing my cool, my patience, confidence and hope.

 

After having deleted all these females off of my page (because then she would see me) She says next weekend she's off for 3 days. But 'Oh' has already made plans to stay over her friends house. I know she's not lying about this, but the biggest slap in the face is that why would she tell me "I'll see you on my next day off," then to have 3 days off and say "Im staying over my friends." Which I may be invited over to, but she originally made these plans without me, no intentions of me being there.

 

So this girl obviously doesn't seem in love or loves me anymore. She keeps telling me she's talking to no one, looking for no one and using this time to heal so we could work this out. It's extremely hard to believe that she's not talking to guy friends. As of right now , that's not the problem.

 

Meanwhile, this entire process has been torture for me.. I don't know how much longer I can wait! I have held myself back from moving on specifically so I could continue our relationship from where it left off. Now it's like, by the time I were to even get this chance I'll be destroyed.

 

So what do I do ??

 

I know I'll get some folks on here angry, telling me "we all told you to leave her alone."

 

Which I would have done if she didn't make it seem like the door was open to slowly work on this. She tells me I don't have to leave her alone for days / weeks. Just be the old person I used to be.

 

We still fight, but wouldn't be fighting at all if we were mutually on the same page (where I want to be) if we both wanted each other equally, it would be so easy to make everything great again.

 

Im lost what to do or say because I have done everything!!! Nothing creepy or threatening but I have shown weakness plenty of times.

 

I still want her back, but Im caught up in this game she's playing... How do I win her over and beat her at her own game ?? I want to come out of this successful at least for one more try.

[Simon Phoenix]

You are trying to trick her into loving you again. Do you realize how absurd that sounds? Instead of trying to manipulate someone into being with you (which from what you've typed you are doing an absolutely awful job of doing) why wouldn't you just find someone who you don't have to "play" or "beat at her own game". This whole situation sounds absolutely ridiculous and she's just toying with you. You're basically a show animal and she's watching you jump through hoops hoping for a treat. But there's no treat.

 

You need to stop this. All you are doing right now is looking like a jackass and giving her even less respect than she already has for you, which in reading this, doesn't seem to be much.

 

You need to leave her alone. You need to stop talking to her. You need to stop checking up on her. And for god's sake, you need to stop doing spineless, pathetic things like deleting all of your female friends. That doesn't make you attractive -- it makes you look like an absolute wuss. I will agree with one thing -- you are showing a ton of weakness. In fact, that was one of the weakest things I've read on here. Here's a newsflash though -- women aren't attracted to weakness.

 

I cringed through that entire story. You have to stop this.

[Warriors]

I have a feeling had I handled this differently from the start, we would be back together by now. I still feel it's not too late..

 

Im glad you cringed through that story because so am I.. Not only do I look pathetic but feel pathetic.

 

I didn't move on with another girl because one, that would ruin my chances completely getting back with the woman I actually love. Two, if she heard about it, it would make her do the exact same thing much quiker.

 

 

she's just toying with you. You're basically a show animal and she's watching you jump through hoops hoping for a treat. But there's no treat.

 

This describes exactly what it looks like.. But is that really what it is?? Apparently she still tells all her friends she loves me and were working things out eventually.

 

I don't know.

 

I deleted all the females because it's something she did on her own (deleted all the guys) while we were together. She kept demanding me to or else she's not seeing me.

 

I think my best move now is to stop. That doesn't mean I don't want her back.. But the closest I got to getting her back this past month is when I didn't talk to her for two days.

[elaine567]

SHE DUMPED YOU over stuff she was unhappy about, stuff she no doubt harboured resentment over and stuff she most likely hated you for.

 

SO she dumps you and instead of disappearing, you hang around.

SHE sees that as a wonderful opportunity to bash you, to get you back for all the injustices she felt happened whilst you were dating.

 

That time you ignored her, well now SHE can ignore you.

That time you took her for granted, well now SHE can take you for granted.

That time you blew hot and cold, well now SHE can blow hot and cold.

 

She feels she is now in charge and is taking advantage.

 

I don't really know how she feels deep down, she may indeed love you loads and is just taking things out on you and just wants you to realise the mistakes you made and change, and she would be truly heart broken if you upped and went.

 

But by the same token she may just be out for revenge because of the way you treated her, and is very happy making you squirm.

[Simon Phoenix]

I still feel it's not too late..

 

It's way the f--k past too late. This is dead and has been dead. Instead of clumsily trying to resuscitate it, it's time for you to let it die.

[preraph]

You breached her trust. So of course you're the one who has to be transparent and not looking like you're up to something. That said, she probably isn't ever going to get back to how trusting she once was and you're not going to like that because you feel now she has the power and you don't like that. So break up and move on and learn not to repeat your mistakes.

[Warriors]

It's not too late. Meaning I wouldn't say there's absolutely zero chance of us getting back together when she's been saying otherwise. She makes good points sometimes that my personality needs to change back to the way I used to be for her to actually want to see me..

 

With that being said, I dont feel it's too late.. Especially since most couples I hear about getting back together is about 3-5 months later. That doesn't mean I continue to do this for months. Otherwise that will kill off any chances of reconcilation.

 

There's people that ended relationships with "**** you, go die never talk to me again." then are back together sometime later.

 

SHE DUMPED YOU over stuff she was unhappy about, stuff she no doubt harboured resentment over and stuff she most likely hated you for.

 

SO she dumps you and instead of disappearing, you hang around.

SHE sees that as a wonderful opportunity to bash you, to get you back for all the injustices she felt happened whilst you were dating.

 

That time you ignored her, well now SHE can ignore you.

That time you took her for granted, well now SHE can take you for granted.

That time you blew hot and cold, well now SHE can blow hot and cold.

 

She feels she is now in charge and is taking advantage.

 

I don't really know how she feels deep down, she may indeed love you loads and is just taking things out on you and just wants you to realise the mistakes you made and change, and she would be truly heart broken if you upped and went.

 

But by the same token she may just be out for revenge because of the way you treated her, and is very happy making you squirm.

 

It's possible, but I don't know for sure if this is 100% a 'revenge' thing. Sometimes she may look at it that way.

 

I only been hanging around as long as I have because she's asks me to. I told her that Im going to leave her alone now since I did and said everything I could possible say to make a point, it's all in her hands now, her decision on her time. She says I don't need to disappear.. I tell her I don't want to talk anymore unless there is any chance of us being together in the near future.

 

I myself have been hurt this past month, Im exausted emotionally. I really hate accepting failure that I have to walk away from a dream I have with this girl.

If this is really over for good, I'll be forced to change my heart completely. Eveytime I do this they come back trying to talk.

 

There's only been one ex-girlfriend who never came back trying to hang out or "talk." Thats a girlfriend from 8th grade lol.. My first real relationship experience.

[HeavyHeart87]

SHE DUMPED YOU over stuff she was unhappy about, stuff she no doubt harboured resentment over and stuff she most likely hated you for.

 

SO she dumps you and instead of disappearing, you hang around.

SHE sees that as a wonderful opportunity to bash you, to get you back for all the injustices she felt happened whilst you were dating.

 

That time you ignored her, well now SHE can ignore you.

That time you took her for granted, well now SHE can take you for granted.

That time you blew hot and cold, well now SHE can blow hot and cold.

 

She feels she is now in charge and is taking advantage.

 

I don't really know how she feels deep down, she may indeed love you loads and is just taking things out on you and just wants you to realise the mistakes you made and change, and she would be truly heart broken if you upped and went.

 

But by the same token she may just be out for revenge because of the way you treated her, and is very happy making you squirm.

 

 

THIS. This is exactly what I did to my current boyfriend. The beginning of our relationship he took me for granted and lost my trust. Once he finally changed and came begging back I flipped the tables. I was treating him the way he treated me. I resented him for what he put me through and the resentment only grew. It eventually turned into me emotionally abusing him. I just posted about it yesterday. 7.5 years later it blew up. He was fed up and I finally realized that I should have never taken it out on him. I should have either stayed away and not gotten back with him OR I should have forgiven him and tried to work on things since he was changing. I don't doubt she loves you. I just think she knows she has you so she's using it to her advantage. Like I said, that's what I did. At this point, I think it will only get worse unless you put your foot down. My boyfriend didn't and it only got worse.

[goldway90]

You're blaming her for a lot of things here " knowing what to say to hurt you" and stuff like you're a victim but you forget the fact that you emotionally abused her. Why would she ask to you delete women of your page? Sounds like you were acting fishy maybe cheating, there no way for her to demand that if everything was fine."where there's smoke, there's fire"

[Warriors]

Are you still with him ??

 

The 7.5 years later part confused me. Were you with him for 7 years or got back with him 7 years later ??

 

I always loved my girl, but I do admit I did take her for granted thinking no matter what she would always be there. Deep down I believed that we were special. Not only because of our connection but because how much she was in love with me. She loved me more than any girl I've ever been with.

 

You're blaming her for a lot of things here " knowing what to say to hurt you" and stuff like you're a victim but you forget the fact that you emotionally abused her. Why would she ask to you delete women of your page? Sounds like you were acting fishy maybe cheating, there no way for her to demand that if everything was fine."where there's smoke, there's fire"

 

I wasn't cheating. Havent cheated on any of my girlfriends.. it was her jealousy of other females liking my pics and anything I posted. I liked that my girl would get jealous cause it made me feel special, though I wasn't doing anything. So I saw her jealousy as cute... Guys see it that way.. Girls never think jealousy is cute.

Edited August 7, 2015 by Warriors

[HeavyHeart87]

Are you still with him ??

 

The 7.5 years later part confused me. Were you with him for 7 years or got back with him 7 years later ??

 

I always loved my girl, but I do admit I did take her for granted thinking no matter what she would always be there. Deep down I believed that we were special. Not only because of our connection but because how much she was in love with me. She loved me more than any girl I've ever been with.

 

After he changed his attitude we stayed together for 7.5 years with a couple breaks up that lasted a few days. Our last break up was the first day of June and we got back a month later. I wanted to get back with him after a week, but then he used the "I need time" line. He mentioned that I emasculated him, down talked him, and he lost his dignity. He wasn't sure if he wanted to come back to me. During that month I realized all the horrible things I did. I used what he did to me to justify my actions. He always took it because he felt he deserved it because of the pain he put me through early on. So kind of like you're putting up with your ex because of what you did. I don't know your girlfriends personality, but if it's anything like mine, it will only get worse if you allow it.

[Warriors]

After he changed his attitude we stayed together for 7.5 years with a couple breaks up that lasted a few days. Our last break up was the first day of June and we got back a month later. I wanted to get back with him after a week, but then he used the "I need time" line. He mentioned that I emasculated him, down talked him, and he lost his dignity. He wasn't sure if he wanted to come back to me. During that month I realized all the horrible things I did. I used what he did to me to justify my actions. He always took it because he felt he deserved it because of the pain he put me through early on. So kind of like you're putting up with your ex because of what you did. I don't know your girlfriends personality, but if it's anything like mine, it will only get worse if you allow it.

 

yea, you guys sound a lot like me and my girl.

 

she wants me to be the person I was when we first started talking.. She doesn't realize how hard that is because when I first met her, I wasn't in love or heart broken over her. My mind is still stuck in as if were in a relationship. She told me this morning that the only thing left for me to do now is change. Be the person she met, but in the process she's making it extremely difficult by showing no love, being stubborn, angry - she has this cold hearted tone behind her voice as she says the most lowest things. When we first started talking, she was coming onto me of course, chasing me for the two years that led into our official relationship.

 

We never had an argument until we was in a relationship. I put a lot of the blame on the cirumstances surrounding us. Then myself.. She's the last person to blame, though she loved me so much she drove me nuts. Ironically, I miss that.

[goldway90]

Are you still with him ??

 

I wasn't cheating. Havent cheated on any of my girlfriends.. it was her jealousy of other females liking my pics and anything I posted. I liked that my girl would get jealous cause it made me feel special, though I wasn't doing anything. So I saw her jealousy as cute... Guys see it that way.. Girls never think jealousy is cute.

 

Really dude? are you sure she was the jealous one and not you?

"She was actually working with all females. At a gas station. I should of had more trust and not been as insecure"

 

Dude you really delusional and putting this girl on a pedestal, it's been month of of this ***** and what did you get? NADA NOTHING. You are still chasing like an obsessed person i guess you didn't change and probably never will. Time to move on.

[Warriors]

The jealousy went both ways.. When she got the gas station job that was the final week of our relationship. I need to move on, that's my only chance getting her back. It absolutely sucks having to 'walk away' when she's telling me what I can do to make it possible to have her back, but at the same time she's resenting me, hating me and playing games.

 

Worst summer of my life (I rarely ever have a bad summer) I have last summer to look back on how happy I was. The worst part about it is right now I cant seem to enjoy myself doing anything alone or with friends. It's rained like twice this summer.. I wish it rained more, it sucks seeing all these beautiful sunny days knowing the rest of the world is out there having fun while Im caught up in my own situation / heart break.

 

I told myself to remain strong, fight for this girl. Everything and everyone has told me for a month now the best technique getting her back is changing and moving on. I still have hope we'll get back together, but letting go is scary. It's not a garantee things will play out that way.

 

She has a history of giving almost every boyfriend she dated a second chance. I don't know man.. Guess my best bet is to just give up. At least for now, cause my stomach can't take this anymore.

[HeavyHeart87]

She has a history of giving almost every boyfriend she dated a second chance. I don't know man.. Guess my best bet is to just give up. At least for now, cause my stomach can't take this anymore.

 

It doesn't matter her history with other dudes. If your relationship is special like you say it is, then she'll come back. If she doesn't then she might not have felt the same. You can't fight a connection and from the sounds of it she really did/does feel something for you. She's just resenting you at the moment and you're enabling her. I've been on BOTH ends. My BF never put his foot down and gave me complete power and control in the relationship. I liked it (or so I thought), but in the end it destroyed EVERYTHING. I took it too far. Put your foot down. Set your boundaries. A month is more than enough trying. She's taking advantage of the situation just like I did. If my BF would have put his foot down sooner I would have stopped because I love him and I certainly didn't want to lose him.

[Warriors]

Thats some helpful advice..

 

Out of curiosity though,

 

THIS. This is exactly what I did to my current boyfriend. The beginning of our relationship he took me for granted and lost my trust. Once he finally changed and came begging back I flipped the tables. I was treating him the way he treated me. I resented him for what he put me through and the resentment only grew. It eventually turned into me emotionally abusing him. I just posted about it yesterday.

 

How long did this go on before you guys eventually gotten back together?

Im assuming this had to be the first real break up.

[HeavyHeart87]

Thats some helpful advice..

 

Out of curiosity though,

 

 

 

How long did this go on before you guys eventually gotten back together?

Im assuming this had to be the first real break up.

 

 

 

I left him on the June 1st. We met up again on June 26th and continued the relationship. We probably would have still been broken up if I hadn't put my foot down the last time. He was treating me the way I treated him (the way your ex-girlfriend is treating you) until I said enough. THAT'S when he changed his attitude.

 

 

It was the first real break up and definitely the last (I hope). I realized my mistakes and so did he.

[goldway90]

 

She has a history of giving almost every boyfriend she dated a second chance.

 

Dude wake up stop living in this fantasy of yours! You'll never get her back this way and even if you do, it won't work. Want to know why? because you haven't changed, you're still the jealous, insecure, angry, possessive man. You have to let go and work on yourself and by the look of it you're doing nothing but holding on a non existent hope. Stop putting her on a pedestal like she's the only girl on earth. Time for some real NC, work on yourself, learn to live by yourself, HEAL HEAL HEAL you're a mess right now.

[darkbloom]

Wow.

 

This post was very cringeworthy.

 

If she wants to get back together with you, she will make it very clear. You both are taking petty stabs at each other in the dark trying to do the most damage. STOP IT.

 

Get your self respect back and stop caving to her demands. Healthy relationships do not involve manipulation and vindictiveness.

[Simon Phoenix]

I left him on the June 1st. We met up again on June 26th and continued the relationship. We probably would have still been broken up if I hadn't put my foot down the last time. He was treating me the way I treated him (the way your ex-girlfriend is treating you) until I said enough. THAT'S when he changed his attitude.

 

 

It was the first real break up and definitely the last (I hope). I realized my mistakes and so did he.

 

This doesn't sound very healthy. Eye for an eye doesn't really work. I think the both of you would have been better off with some real separation.

[lolablue17]

You cannot build a relationship based on the conditions she gave you. A relationship belongs to both sides and should be based on mutual will, mutual desire, and mutual dreams.

 

She does nor show any desire to be with you. The most you get is that she "agrees to be with you". Why would you want anything with her at all?

 

If you want a real chance with her, grow balls, stop being a doormat, bring back all the girls you had on Facebook, and start behaving like a man. This is the only chance you have to be with her.

 

If she still wants you it with that, it means, she really wants you as a man, not as a toy or a doormat.

[dumbass2]

Forget the words.....what do her actions tell you? Has she met with you?

[Qboro90]

I don't know why you post asking for advice when you don't take any of it and disregard any of the suggestions people here offer. Additionally asking other people "how long did it take for you and your partner to get back together?" if they posted about a similar situation is completely pointless and serves no relevance to YOUR relationship. Just because it worked with someone else doesn't mean it will work or not work for you.

 

Your ex gf says that the only thing you need to do now is "change... Go back to being the guy you were/used to be". Dude, that is IMPOSSIBLE. Never going to happen. That's like her asking a 30 year old guy to "Just go back to how you were when you were 20". Ummm, news flash, you're not 20, and in your situation...you can't go back in time to last year. People evolve. Any person who tells you to change who you are isn't someone that you should date.

 

You weren't in love or infatuated with her last year. So now that you are she's telling you that she finds that unattractive. She wants to be treated poorly it seems and not a priority. This girl is all sorts of messed up. By not contacting her and blocking her on social media it will make her think that she's not a priority any more. She'll think you're moving on and that is one thing that drives girls absolutely crazy. Take the advice here for once in your life. Everything you've done up to now has been wrong. All wrong. If you can't change and take our advice then you def don't change and take hers.

[elaine567]

The thing is here, that she liked the guy who she first went out with, but that wasn't the real you, that was a sanitised version. That guy was laid back, he didn't really care, he wasn't invested.

He, I guess was cool, he was fun to be with and things were relaxed and easy.

 

Once you knew you had her, you took her for granted and let your temper do the talking.

You changed into an jealous, insecure, angry, possessive, stubborn man and she changed into an argumentative, resentful woman, who then played you at your own game and it all got worse and worse.

 

Personally I do not believe this will ever work, as both camps here are entrenched.

Too much arguing, too much anger, too much water under the bridge.

[Warriors]

There's no anger on my part.. Yea the relationship went down with a lot of arguing and a lot of head games / more arguing the past month because we been on two completely different pages.

 

Her giving me mixed signals and planning dates, cancelling them, missing me, then hating me again. Though the past month I have never truly disappeared. The more we talk about fixing things is making her not want to fix things.

 

But it's even hard to talk to her right now in general. She's almost unapproachable. Either she will argue with me about it or get no reaction out of her at all. Which means there's only one option left and that is to not talk to her.

 

I honestly believe if I had handled the break up differently we would be back together now. Instead of talking about how to fix things everyday nothing has gotten fixed cause I think the problem is now is her... She's broken. Her feelings are all over the place about me but mainly negative at this point.

 

She has refrused to see me but has me trying to prove myself through text messaging and phone calls. I don't know how she doesn't understand it's better to communicate in person. I told her meet up to go out an talk. The last day we spent together in person was amazing.

 

After this post I wont be returning unless something magical happened (which I doubt) out of nowhere n were back together... Or an update about 10-14 days from now which Im officially disappearing tomorrow. I been slowly but not trying to warn her. She's still talking to me so it's hard to let that go too.