understand50 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 vabaseballmom, How are we doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vabaseballmom Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 vabaseballmom, How are we doing? so far he has not had a drink (to my knowledge) in about a week, so that is a positive. he had an army buddy here over the weekend, so i was impressed that he did not go out and drink or try to spend a ton of money. he also cancelled going to his buddies this coming weekend because I told him we could not afford it. I have researched the bluebird acct from Amex and an going to set one up and sit down and talk to him about what he thinks is a reasonable amount each week to put on there. I am hoping that we can form a plan a stick to it for the long haul, not just temporarily since he knows i am irate at what has transpired. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 so far he has not had a drink (to my knowledge) in about a week, so that is a positive. he had an army buddy here over the weekend, so i was impressed that he did not go out and drink or try to spend a ton of money. he also cancelled going to his buddies this coming weekend because I told him we could not afford it. I have researched the bluebird acct from Amex and an going to set one up and sit down and talk to him about what he thinks is a reasonable amount each week to put on there. I am hoping that we can form a plan a stick to it for the long haul, not just temporarily since he knows i am irate at what has transpired. He may think his " reasonable amount" is different than yours. Be prepared to outline income and expenses and come up with an amount that works for both of you. Remember that you are his spouse - being put into a position of being his Mommy with a child on an allowance can get exhausting. He should be capable of calculating exactly what he needs every dollar for. If he can't - then he has things to hide from you. If he can't restore your trust then there's a crumbling foundation to the marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 He may think his " reasonable amount" is different than yours. Be prepared to outline income and expenses and come up with an amount that works for both of you. Remember that you are his spouse - being put into a position of being his Mommy with a child on an allowance can get exhausting. He should be capable of calculating exactly what he needs every dollar for. If he can't - then he has things to hide from you. If he can't restore your trust then there's a crumbling foundation to the marriage. Beach has good good advise. Make sure you show him what you need to run the house hold and so on. This will let him know that what he "gets" is what you two can afford. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vabaseballmom Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 thanks guys for the great advice and support! I plan on showing him a budget with income vs bills so he knows how much would be reasonable and if he and i differ on what i reasonable, i will go from there, with back up as to show him why a certain # is a reasonable amount. Also, need him to understand that when unforeseen expenses come up, our spending money is where we have to deduct from that it does not stay the same no matter what happens 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 And ask him - are you a partner willing to add to our savings each month - or are you acting solo by intending to spend your share plus what COULD go into savings...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vabaseballmom Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 And ask him - are you a partner willing to add to our savings each month - or are you acting solo by intending to spend your share plus what COULD go into savings...? great point! i will totally bring that up! Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 great point! i will totally bring that up! Good point. Regardless, he NEEDS to establish limits, and if he has no control, perhaps an allowance that YOU give him. Everything he earns gets automatically deposited and YOU control the account(s). There's nothing worse that finances out of control… 2 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 vabaseballmom, How are thing going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vabaseballmom Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 vabaseballmom, How are thing going? he found out i changed the PIN, he went in my purse while i was in the shower and left to get money and could not and was not happy about it. threw a fit and acted like a 2 year old about it. i told him since he took money out and could not remember doing so because he had been drinking that i felt like it was the best way to avoid that going forward. and since i have been adamant about not taking cash out and we have agreed to this yet he keeps doing it without my knowledge (again he take the card when i am sleeping, in shower etc to take out cash and them "forgets to tell me"). I have signed up for the bluebird account, just waiting on card. He then proceeds to "vent" about me to his friends and family, which is a separate issue, but upsets me. if he can't talk to me about problems he should not be talking to his friends and mother. I don't include my friends in our problems because that is a betrayal in my mind and I should not be poisoning people against him. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I don't think I am the only one here that sees a Divorce looming in the future for this couple... I'm sorry, OP, but your husband is out of control and I don't believe a bluebird account will solve the bigger issue. The next question will be, "How long will you put up with his behavior?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I don't think I am the only one here that sees a Divorce looming in the future for this couple... I'm sorry, OP, but your husband is out of control and I don't believe a bluebird account will solve the bigger issue. The next question will be, "How long will you put up with his behavior?" Yes, this will only work if he is willing to make it work. Taking money with out you knowing is not a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 He's disrespecting you on so many levels. He's also lying because he said he wouldn't do that, yet he did it again behind your back...again. When is it enough for you to end it? That's a question you should be asking yourself. He's spending a lot of money he doesn't intend to account for. He's got a problem and not telling you. Is it drugs? Strippers? Another woman? What is so important that it's more important than honoring you and the marriage? I would spend time finding out what he's spending on. Link to post Share on other sites
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