Girlfriend wants to be "best friends" with her EX

[Bballboy25]

So I am only a senior in high school, I'm i am in love with this girl. We've been dating for around 6 months now, but there is a huge problem: she wants to be best friends with her ex still. When I say best friends, I mean the still go out to lunch sometimes, she's gone over to his house to watch movies, she's covered for him when his drinking trying to get past his parents, things best friends do. I don't think that is appropriate that she still wants to be so close to him. She says im just over reacting, and being over jealous. I will admit that I can be over jealous at times. But I don't understand why she wants to be close with him. He told her that he cheated on her and she stayed with him for another month, and after they broke up, he told her he cheated on her again. He went and hooked up with her best friend, and caused that friendship to end. He showed up at her house drunk and when she tried to help him calm down he grabed her and pushed her into a wall. He also has tried to get her to cheat on me with him multiple times, but yet she still goes back to him. Am I just being over jealous and wording about nothing, or do I have a right to feel that is isn't appropriate?

[Space Ritual]

Cut your losses. Chalk it up to being young or whatever. You are fighting an uphill battle which she will always have a thing for him so you might as well save yourself the heartache and date somebody who does not have that faulty attachment to an ex.

[Qboro90]

You should not have to put up with this from her at all. I'm surprised you haven't broken up with her or flipped out at least on her about this already. The fact that you know he's tried to convince her to cheat on you with him is enough right there. Think to yourself why she would keep him around so closely if she didn't still have romantic feelings for him. You're going to get hurt here, it's just a matter of time. Simply tell her that you're not going to continue dating a girl who puts herself in situations constantly where she is spending time with a guy (let alone an ex bf) who has expressed his desire to hook up/have sex with her on multiple occasions. That's incredibly disrespectful to you and if she truly liked you then you would be all she would need.

 

At your age you should know that guys and girls don't just hang out because they wanna be "friends". They either want to eventually get back together and hook up or they already are doing it and you're just to blind or naive to see it.

[lolablue17]

For me, her behavior seems indeed inappropriate. But who are you to decide what's appropriate for her?

 

This is not a matter of right or wrong. It's a matter of how much you and her are willing to sacrifice and to care about the others feelings. It seems that she doesn't care about your feelings. She cares much more to be friends with someone who tries to make her cheating on you.

 

So in the end, you shouldn't be angry with her, and you shouldn't try to change her - That's who she is. A girl who enjoy flirting with her Ex, while being with you. She won't change!

 

The only thing you can do (That's what i would do), is to tell her that you respect her wishes, break up with her calmly and peacefully.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're not over-reacting or being overly jealous. She has poor boundaries is obviously still attached to her ex.

 

Sorry OP, but I don't see this ending well for you. She's still into him and I have a bad feeling if he told her he wanted her back, she'd do it. I'd save yourself more pain and break up with her. It's very evident he still has a big piece of her heart.

[road]

You know what she is doing is wrong. Dump her.

[kgcolonel]

This is a great learning opportunity. You are probably sick of hearing that "you're young" however, this is where you learn to establish those things in life that are deal breakers and those things that you can accept and BE Happy.

 

For many including yourself from what you are writing, this sounds like something that is a deal breaker for you however for whatever reason, you are accepting of this behavior. There are a lot of girls out there who would never cross a boundry that you have expressed makes you this uncomfortable. I would suggest that you look for one of those girls.

 

I agree with the previous posters, she is still carrying a torch for her ex....likely thinks he will change from the mistreatment. What is her homelife like? Specifically, what is her relationship with her father like? This could explain her acceptance of the treatment she has had from the ex.

[carhill]

Sounds pretty normal for teenagers. These experiences are how boundaries are learned. If you feel her behaviors are inappropriate and disrespectful, to you, dump her. Date someone else. Lots of single people around at your age. That can change fast. Learn as much as you can before making a longer-term decision. Good luck!

[RoseVille]

Sounds pretty normal for teenagers. These experiences are how boundaries are learned. If you feel her behaviors are inappropriate and disrespectful, to you, dump her. Date someone else. Lots of single people around at your age. That can change fast. Learn as much as you can before making a longer-term decision. Good luck!

 

Very normal!

[qubist]

Bballboy: do not sit there and fight jealousy, you will loose. no humain can fight jealousy and win period. I can see why she wants to be the other guy , a lot of girls have attraction to bad guys, it could be just a simple crush or a huge admiration but almost all women have that on them, she is still young and cannot control her feelings yet, and the guy fits the BAD GUY profile perfectly. with that being said you can never know the degree of her admiration to this Bad dude, she will never tell you and I don't know how discipline she is to keep herself from falling to his temptation. I hate to say it at her age she is probably sleeping with him on your back.

aht you are feeling is jealousy, do not spend your energy fighting it. instead you gotta talk to her, admit ( nicely without accusing her or offending her) that your jealous and give her a choice between you or his "friendship" tell her that you can tolerate it. if she said no. do not look back find another GF

[Try]

He also has tried to get her to cheat on me with him multiple times, but yet she still goes back to him. Am I just being over jealous and wording about nothing, or do I have a right to feel that is isn't appropriate?

Stop letting her call him a friend, he is an ex-lover that she wants to continue to date. Remember that there does not have to be sex for it to be called a date. The fact that he "has tried to get her to cheat" "with him multiple times" proves why you are right not to trust their relationship, as their relationship is not exclusively platonic, and they are more than just friends. What you need to know as a young man is that it is OK to be jealous when common sense tells you that you have good reason to be jealous. Calling you jealous is the number one defense of a cheater. Now man up and tell her that her relationship with an ex-lover is inappropriate, and that you are willing to move on and end the relationship unless she agrees to go full no contact with her ex-lover right now. Do not beg, plead or even try to explain why you are right when she calls you jealous, just tell her that anything other than agreeing to cutting off all contact with her ex-lover, will be treated as a no, and will result in ending your relationship with her.

[No Limit]

Cut contact to her and move on.

[xcupid]

Totally inappropriate behavior on her part. You have a tough decision to make here, I'm afraid, and it will probably hurt you.

[casey.lives]

this is not about being a teenager.. teenagers vary widely in behavior and expectations. it's about the person. Ur girlfriend cares more about her ex then u .. which is to be expected because they have shared history and u both are just getting started. what i think u should do is forget her. being a teenager is a fun carefree time. she sounds like she'll give u problems a young person shouldn't have to be dealing with. have fun!!!!

[Radu]

So I am only a senior in high school, I'm i am in love with this girl. We've been dating for around 6 months now, but there is a huge problem: she wants to be best friends with her ex still. When I say best friends, I mean the still go out to lunch sometimes, she's gone over to his house to watch movies, she's covered for him when his drinking trying to get past his parents, things best friends do. I don't think that is appropriate that she still wants to be so close to him. She says im just over reacting, and being over jealous. I will admit that I can be over jealous at times. But I don't understand why she wants to be close with him. He told her that he cheated on her and she stayed with him for another month, and after they broke up, he told her he cheated on her again. He went and hooked up with her best friend, and caused that friendship to end. He showed up at her house drunk and when she tried to help him calm down he grabed her and pushed her into a wall. He also has tried to get her to cheat on me with him multiple times, but yet she still goes back to him. Am I just being over jealous and wording about nothing, or do I have a right to feel that is isn't appropriate?

 

The problem is that she has a very unhealthy attachment to this guy, and that's why she allows this stuff.

 

Run away.