nikki76 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Most days I'm doing good with NC. I don't regret it for a second. Our last conversation was in May, late on a Sunday night via messanger. He dozed off (I guess I'm that exciting ). And 30 minutes later he apologized and thought I was angry. And told me specifically not to block him. I was always the one to contact him, he said he didn't want to contact me, incase my H was home. Anyway, I said I was sick of always being the one contacting him first. He said he will contact me that Thursday from work. Well, he never did and that's when I blocked and deleted and realized that I'm not even worth a 10 second text to say hello. Like I said, Im glad it's over, it just eats me up inside, wondering if he knows I have him blocked and deleted my email. Why is this bothering me so much? Is it a power struggle for me? I want to be the one with the power. But I don't know if I do. I can unblock from Facebook to see if I'm blocked, but I'm not going to. Or maybe I'm just surprised that he hasn't reached out to me. And that makes me think, maybe he's the one that went NC on me first. I know this is stupid and pointless thinking. It's over and I will never go back. But it's really bothering me. H helped xmm move this week and I think it set me back a bit. H said mm and his wife are going thru a really difficult situation with their move and they've been arguing alot. His wife even went off on him in front of H. I bet I had a grin on my face from ear to ear when he told me this. And at first I was so relieved to hear this. But it's just making me think about stupid things now. I'm thinking it's probably time to go back to therapy and work out this issue. In the meantime, I hope you guys don't mind me venting on here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 You're just having a "moment." Definitely don't let it change anything that you're doing. I think these things are natural. I know that I've thought that before - did he HE go NC on ME before I did it? Is HE swaggering around thinking, HA, got her? And it's all just BS. At the end of the day, we are not contacting and they know this. We are no longer doing what we used to do. We don't need their validation anymore. We are finding new, healthy ways to develop our self-esteem and maintain our self-respect. It's natural that these triggers will pop in, but just grit your teeth and keep on keepin on. You'll feel better again soon. And the truth is, he probably did NOT go NC on you first, because these guys like to make us do the heavy lifting. So I really wouldn't sweat it. You've got this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
unluckycharms Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I think this is totally normal. I'm a control freak and I get the same way about going NC. When mine wants us to stop contacting each other I get upset and basically throw a tantrum until he agrees to see me again, even though I know us stopping is what's best, but then the next day I'll break off contact and feel totally fine with us not talking because it was "my" decision. I'm not sure what else to say (I agree with the above poster that he did not go NC first) but just posting to say that I think these feelings are probably pretty common. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I think you are doing great! I also think its natural to wonder about what other people are thinking or feeling. I can assure you that he knows that he is blocked on your phone...... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nikki76 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Was having a moment. Seems to happen every month around this time lol. Thanks for the replies! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Oh.. the dreaded "moments". Don't I know it. I'm having one myself too. It's like you can do so well for 29 days straight and it only take 5 mins to make you question yourself all over again. I was sorely tempted a few times to do the whole "unblock and check" thingy. But I kept forcing myself to not obsess. It gets easier I swear. Not that it's not hard still though. It's been months for me (aside from the random phone calls). I no longer see his social media updates, profile pictures, heck- I don't even get to see his "last seen" on a mutual messaging app. It's like he no longer exist. Unfortunately it's the time of the month and today I've been feeling like crap. I miss him, there I said it. But I don't miss him enough to do anything anymore. Let these moments be and don't do anything. Soon, it will all slowly lose its meanings and just be a part of your past. Hang in there! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 You mentioned power Nikki. Remember that the power that matters, is power over oneself. Thats the only power we need. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I think we all have moments where we second guess things....the first step is to remember WHY you initiated NC. You know your so much better off now than you were before. It must be hard when your H communicates with MM...that would be a huge trigger for me. You did the right thing...and when you start to think otherwise, remember how low and terrible the A and MM made you feel. Your in a much better place now. I do think MM probably thinks about you...especially if things with wifey are rocky. If it's any consolation, I think you did win. You told him to kick rocks and stuck to it. You know he expected you to falter and when you didn't it was a crush to his little ego. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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