Maura Posted March 21, 2001 Share Posted March 21, 2001 What can I do? I feel like half a person. It's been a year since my LTR ended, and I am still so sad. I feel that I will always be alone. I don't want to 'date', I know that I am not ready to trust anyone. I'm too scared. But I am also 32, and not getting any younger. I feel like I've been thrown away, like I never mattered to my ex. After being 'best friends' for close to 9 years, it's like I don't even exist. None of my friends understand, they are either married or in relationships, and not even as long as the one I was in. I try to put on a happy face for the world. I don't talk about my pain anymore, and just try to suppress my feelings/ try not to think about my failed relationship, but I keep remembering the good times, as well as the unbearably cruel times. I try not to think about it! I just wish I could forget this whole chapter of my life. It was 1/3 of my life that I try to forget. There are days I can hardly get out of bed. What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 21, 2001 Share Posted March 21, 2001 You hardly had a failed relationship if it was pretty good for seven or eight years. That's far longer than many last. Healing is very difficult, particularly for someone who is sensitive. It just plain hurts. There's no easy way around it. It is impossible to suppress the hurt because the very act of supressing requires a mindfulness of the pain. Besides, in order to heal you have to feel the pain, confront it, work it out in your mind, resolve it, and put it away. You are right in not troubling your friends and family. They've probably heard enough. We often have to hurt all alone for a period of time. But things absolutely do get better. For some, it takes two, three or four years to fully recover. There is no way to predict how long it will take you. But you seem to have a lot of insight. Celebrate the good times you had and be glad you got out of it when it went sour. All things in life expire but that in no way diminishes the goodness that existed prior to that time. In all things you engage in on this planet, enjoy them for the moment, rejoice and there will be no cause for weeping when they pass. There is always another day and a new, joyous experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Maura Posted March 21, 2001 Share Posted March 21, 2001 Thanks for giving me some insight on how long it takes to heal. Some 'friends' think I should have started dating immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 Some 'friends' think I should have started dating immediately. that all sounds great in theory, but not in reality.....you need to get yourself together and start to really get over things before you can start dating other people. i know what it's like to think, "yeah, i would love to meet someone to take my mind of what's-his-face", but i would never do it because it's TOTALLY unfair to use someone like that and what's the point? you don't want to start dating when you have baggage. it's not fair on the other person, or on yourself. not to mention, rebound relationships hardly ever come to much anyway. you will walk away feeling worse that you did when you entered the relationship. go out and meet people and have fun, but don't jump into a relationship with another guy to numb the pain of your break-up. you can make some really great friends by meeting new people, but you don't have to "date" guys to try and get you through. spending time on your own (that is, not dating) is the best way to go. you need time to heal. you will know when you're ready to start dating. don't let your friends try and push it. i'm still not over my ex, and i have been single for 5 months or so without even so much as kissing a guy. and i'm proud!!!! i'm working on my issues first, and working on myself before i start working on any future relationships. i want to say, "yep, i'm over him and i'm ready to date" before i even think about hooking up with a guy who might like me. sometimes it can take a long time to get over someone. but cherish the time you have to spend on YOU. be your own best friend right now and accept that you will get over this, but don't do anything that could complicate things in the meantime. you really will come out a much better, more confident and stronger person. with those qualities, you will attract some really great guys when you are ready. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Maura Posted March 26, 2001 Share Posted March 26, 2001 Thank you!! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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