OM/OW After A Were You Ever Able to Love Again?

[whatatangledweb]

My father was put through hell with my birth mother and my step mother. He swore he was done with marriage. He found his third wife without looking. It was a random meeting and he fell quickly. He was 48 then. She passed away 16 years later. He married again at 70.

 

I said I wouldn't marry again after an abusive first husband. Then I met my husband and I also fell quickly.

 

Love finds us when we aren't looking for it. Never give up on having someone who cares for you. They will find you.

[Poppy47]

I haven't found love . I hesitate to say again because I no longer believe that xMM loved me.

 

He loved the feeling of excitement when he was with me.

 

I no longer trust anybody or anything as a result of the A. I always look for self serving motives when dealing with anybody.

 

Any man I ever look at again with have to be checked out by the federal police before I give him a second look.

 

That's what an A does. It takes away innocence and trust.

 

I am still looking and hope one day I can get over this lack of trust.

 

Poppy.

[Hope Shimmers]

I haven't found love . I hesitate to say again because I no longer believe that xMM loved me.

 

He loved the feeling of excitement when he was with me.

 

I no longer trust anybody or anything as a result of the A. I always look for self serving motives when dealing with anybody.

 

Any man I ever look at again with have to be checked out by the federal police before I give him a second look.

 

That's what an A does. It takes away innocence and trust.

 

I am still looking and hope one day I can get over this lack of trust.

 

Poppy.

 

The most important thing, before you are able to trust anyone else, is that you learn to trust yourself. And that involves some self-introspection about why you got involved in a situation with red flags waving all over the place. Yes, an A does take away trust, but at the end of the day you have to take responsibility for your role in entering into a situation/relationship where trust and loyalty and honesty were NOT inherent.

 

In fact, those core values were never going to be part of that relationship, because the whole thing started out of a lie. How do you build trust on the foundation of a lie? It's like building a castle on sand, just before high tide.

 

If you regain that trust in yourself, you can then see with eyes wide open who you may want to let yourself get close to. And you will see the red flags for what they are, instead of letting that fog cause you to be blind to them. It's the only thing, and the most important thing, any of us can do to protect ourselves. It's not about avoiding giving your heart out again. It's about knowing who the right person is, and who deserves to receive it.

Edited August 13, 2015 by Hope Shimmers

[Morbius]

I haven't found love . I hesitate to say again because I no longer believe that xMM loved me.

 

He loved the feeling of excitement when he was with me.

 

I no longer trust anybody or anything as a result of the A. I always look for self serving motives when dealing with anybody.

 

Any man I ever look at again with have to be checked out by the federal police before I give him a second look.

 

That's what an A does. It takes away innocence and trust.

 

I am still looking and hope one day I can get over this lack of trust.

 

Poppy.

The most important thing, before you are able to trust anyone else, is that you learn to trust yourself. And that involves some self-introspection about why you got involved in a situation with red flags waving all over the place. Yes, an A does take away trust, but at the end of the day you have to take responsibility for your role in entering into a situation/relationship where trust and loyalty and honesty were NOT inherent.

 

In fact, those core values were never going to be part of that relationship, because the whole thing started out of a lie. How do you build trust on the foundation of a lie? It's like building a castle on sand, just before high tide.

 

If you regain that trust in yourself, you can then see with eyes wide open who you may want to let yourself get close to. And you will see the red flags for what they are, instead of letting that fog cause you to be blind to them. It's the only thing, and the most important thing, any of us can do to protect ourselves. It's not about avoiding giving your heart out again. It's about knowing who the right person is, and who deserves to receive it.

 

Poppy, exactly this. ^^^^^^^^ Verbatim

 

Once you regain your trust in you, these warning signs will become evident.

 

Well said Hope.

[NewLeaf512]

Poppy, exactly this. ^^^^^^^^ Verbatim

 

Once you regain your trust in you, these warning signs will become evident.

 

Well said Hope.

 

 

 

I think that is easier sais than done sometimes because often these behaviours stem back from a childhood situation.

 

 

In my case I was raised with a mother who whilst highly intelligent had borderline personality disorder. I was raised primarily by a single Swiss Governess from birth to age 10 and then a sting of Swiss nannies prior to going to boarding school at age 11. When my mother was about, walking on eggshells and people pleasing and making things better for her was what consumed me. This has carried on into adulthood.

 

 

I have been in therapy for 2 years to fix me. My usual pattern is broken bird syndrome or appositionally, any time anyone wants to befriend me. I don't recognise that *I* get to make that decision, not them. The people who usually "find" me are what my therapists refer to vampires, people who want something from me.

 

 

Its difficult to break these patterns but I am committed to doing so.

[Hope Shimmers]

I think that is easier sais than done sometimes because often these behaviours stem back from a childhood situation.

 

 

In my case I was raised with a mother who whilst highly intelligent had borderline personality disorder. I was raised primarily by a single Swiss Governess from birth to age 10 and then a sting of Swiss nannies prior to going to boarding school at age 11. When my mother was about, walking on eggshells and people pleasing and making things better for her was what consumed me. This has carried on into adulthood.

 

 

I have been in therapy for 2 years to fix me. My usual pattern is broken bird syndrome or appositionally, any time anyone wants to befriend me. I don't recognise that *I* get to make that decision, not them. The people who usually "find" me are what my therapists refer to vampires, people who want something from me.

 

 

Its difficult to break these patterns but I am committed to doing so.

 

Believe me, I know it's easier said than done. And it's really difficult to break those patterns.

 

I think what I was trying to say is that trusting someone doesn't have to be a passive sort of thing, where you are just blindly believing in them. There are never any guarantees, and it's always a vulnerable position, but there are ways to protect yourself.

[NewLeaf512]

Believe me, I know it's easier said than done. And it's really difficult to break those patterns.

 

I think what I was trying to say is that trusting someone doesn't have to be a passive sort of thing, where you are just blindly believing in them. There are never any guarantees, and it's always a vulnerable position, but there are ways to protect yourself.

 

To put a fine point on it: I've been with 2 men. One is dead and the others with his wife. I've been with a woman (if this offends you don't read it) and she was horribly disfigured and lives nearb

 

M

Edited August 15, 2015 by NewLeaf512