Why can't I meet women that I'm interested in/attracted to?

[Swan89]

I've been single a year and 3 months and I've noticed a pattern...

 

I either meet girls/ get hit on by ones that I'm not really all that attracted to or interested in...or I'm too scared to speak to the ones I really am. And If I do, its usually because I'm drunk and can end up seeming too keen.

But when I do speak to them sober, I have a lot of approach anxiety then I shut down or make up excuses like "she's probably not interested or has a boyfriend" and feel drained at the thought of making an effort to make a conversation flow, so I just don't bother putting in the effort out of fear.

 

Also, a lot of the time I just don't feel like I'm getting any signals or help from them, or I find that there's just no chemistry and don't get a good vibe.

I get told an awful lot that I have good looks but regardless of that, I just never ever meet a girl I like and would consider asking out.

I know clubs aren't the best places to meet women but even if I'm just out shopping or whatever, I find the idea of smiling at a woman to show my interest pretty uncomfortable/ cheesy.

 

 

I have no idea what I can do to change this!

[mrldii]

"Be the type of person you most hope to attract."

 

It is entirely possible that while YOU are not attracted to the girls that ARE attracted to you, the women you are attracted to are not attracted to men who can only approach them with liquid courage coursing through their veins and/or lack self-confidence and therefore talk themselves out of ever approaching/engaging to begin with.

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[preraph]

It doesn't sound like you have the confidence to date girls who you consider attractive. On some level, you seem to realize they're out of your league. I don't mean they have to be out of your league, but it takes confidence to skip up a level in attractiveness. Those girls who are giving you attention are probably who you should be dating at this point. Maybe one will grow on you, or at least give you more confidence.

[ZA Dater]

It doesn't sound like you have the confidence to date girls who you consider attractive. On some level, you seem to realize they're out of your league. I don't mean they have to be out of your league, but it takes confidence to skip up a level in attractiveness. Those girls who are giving you attention are probably who you should be dating at this point. Maybe one will grow on you, or at least give you more confidence.

 

Never settle for mediocrity.

[the_arkangel]

Are you meeting most of these women outside of your social circles?

Are these women unrelated to anything you are doing? If this is the

case then maybe you have your answer right there. It is happening

to me as well.

 

I've been single a year and 3 months and I've noticed a pattern...

 

I either meet girls/ get hit on by ones that I'm not really all that attracted to or interested in...or I'm too scared to speak to the ones I really am. And If I do, its usually because I'm drunk and can end up seeming too keen.

But when I do speak to them sober, I have a lot of approach anxiety then I shut down or make up excuses like "she's probably not interested or has a boyfriend" and feel drained at the thought of making an effort to make a conversation flow, so I just don't bother putting in the effort out of fear.

 

Also, a lot of the time I just don't feel like I'm getting any signals or help from them, or I find that there's just no chemistry and don't get a good vibe.

I get told an awful lot that I have good looks but regardless of that, I just never ever meet a girl I like and would consider asking out.

I know clubs aren't the best places to meet women but even if I'm just out shopping or whatever, I find the idea of smiling at a woman to show my interest pretty uncomfortable/ cheesy.

 

 

I have no idea what I can do to change this!

[spiderowl]

If you are constantly telling yourself that girls are 'probably not interested' or that they might 'have a boyfriend', then you are telling yourself something that may be totally untrue. Your belief would affect how you behave though. If you think a girl would not be interested then you probably wouldn't bother talking to her or smiling at her, you probably wouldn't joke or be fun near her, there are all sorts of ways in which your natural behaviour would change for a thought in your head that has come from ... where? Who put that idea in your head? What if you put the opposite idea in your head - how would your behaviour change then?

 

It is worth challenging these automatic thoughts because they could be totally incorrect and they are affecting you and your chances of meeting the right girl.

[jinzhi]

I've been single a year and 3 months and I've noticed a pattern...

 

I either meet girls/ get hit on by ones that I'm not really all that attracted to or interested in...or I'm too scared to speak to the ones I really am. And If I do, its usually because I'm drunk and can end up seeming too keen.

But when I do speak to them sober, I have a lot of approach anxiety then I shut down or make up excuses like "she's probably not interested or has a boyfriend" and feel drained at the thought of making an effort to make a conversation flow, so I just don't bother putting in the effort out of fear.

 

Also, a lot of the time I just don't feel like I'm getting any signals or help from them, or I find that there's just no chemistry and don't get a good vibe.

I get told an awful lot that I have good looks but regardless of that, I just never ever meet a girl I like and would consider asking out.

I know clubs aren't the best places to meet women but even if I'm just out shopping or whatever, I find the idea of smiling at a woman to show my interest pretty uncomfortable/ cheesy.

 

 

you have no idea what you can do to change this!

Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress!Destiny determines who comes into our lives but it’s the heart that decides who stays inside.