Author Sunlight72 Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply, it's pretty much solidified my decision not to marry, but reëxamined some things I've not considered for a while. Just to let folks know, I'm 44, been divorced twice (first wife was horribly abused during childhood and figured out she's a lesbian 2 years after our marriage, during which she created much infidelity with men and her girlfriend. I still didn't give up for 3 years, even as she lived with her girlfriend. Second wife wanted out largely due to our finances (which I can respect, but regretted for a long time) and divorced without counseling that I asked for, etc.). I do not ever, ever want to get divorced again. Ever. My second wife and I did go through church premarital counseling, which I encouraged and was pretty disappointed with. At the time I didn't know (a lot of things, but also didn't know...) about forums like this or other relationship resources. I asked a few people for advice on making a good marriage, and the best recommendation was for church counseling. In our particular case it turned out to be pretty worthless I now realize. Just because someone is a pastor absolutely does not mean they know the first thing about real, gritty, useful marriage, premarital, or relationship dynamics and counseling. I don't have any children of my own, as I had a vasectomy when I was 22 to prevent surprises. Since my second divorce (which was also the second woman I dated), through much heartbreak and dis-orientation, I was prompted to search harder to understand relationships. It took about 2 and a half years of intense introspection, which I finished about 4 and a half years ago. Of course I'm still learning and trying to learn, but I can say I have come miles from where I started. Currently my girlfriend of almost 4 years and I are amicably breaking things off due mainly to differences of opinion on raising children (she has two boys). Like for everyone who finds a nearly perfect partner (without her one special needs adopted son we would likely be married now), it's hard to see the wisdom in letting go at the time. Happily, I have learned and practiced picking a partner much, much better than earlier in my life. Still, I'm starting to wonder if serial monogamy is worthwhile for me or if I should try a different rhythm. Edited August 11, 2015 by Sunlight72 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Op, first, I am really impressed that you took responsibility for your reproduction or lack thereof and had a vasectomy. Secondly, you have to find the path and way that works for you, and it may be very different than what works for others. The thing is to be very honest with anyone you do decide to get into a relationship with. A lot of people don't do that. I think that for some, they really love their partner and hope that love will be enough to keep them together and they ignore that little voice that is telling them to stop, 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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