Whirlwind romance - Should i tell him i like him

[ah1234567890]

Hi,

 

I'll keep it short and simple. I'm a 27 year old female graduate student living on the West Coast. A friend asked me to look after his friend who was visiting my city for 5 days. The moment we met we totally hit it off. It was more like talking for 18 hrs a day and just being together all the time. The night before the day he was about to leave a very strange incident happened - we were out at the beach at around 1am and this drunk guy started talking **** about me and him, and when he tried to physically assault me is when my friend lost his cool and they got into a fight. Touchwood everything turned out ok but my friend did get a few bruises on his back.

So we come home and he took his shirt off so i could put some ointment on his bruises and i dunno how that turned into a full back massage and 30 mins later we were lying next to each other in bed and started kissing. Let me clarify that due to religious beliefs i am a virgin and plan to stay one till i get married, and i never do these random hookups but i dont know what happened. He was very sweet and gentle and all was fine till he thought we would move on to thenext stage but i cut him off completely since i didnt want anything beyond that. For the next ten mins we made out but then he just decided to leave that its late etc.

Next day we both pretended as if nothing had happened and he left after a nice warm goodbye.

 

Since then we have both been in touch regularly - almost every other day . we cant talk since hes backpacking across South america and has limited ocnnectivity for the next three months. We have spoken about hypotheical situation which clearly allude to our situation but nothing openly. He is quite obvioulsy attracted to me( or was till that night) and so am i. Howver, he lives in a different continent almost 18 hrs flight away. What should i do? do i tell him i like him - he likes me thats the vibe i get but then why did he leave me in the middle of making out at night. I am very confused. Is this worth a shot? What do i do.

 

ANYYYYYYYYY advice would be welcome. Its been 3 weeks and i cannot sleep at night thinking about this.

 

Regards,

Confusedsoul

[Fleur de cactus]

If you are interested in him, start a conversation. Tell him the you have been thinking of him. Ask him if he has a girlfriend . Then see how it goes . Good luck.

[ah1234567890]

Hi,

Thanks for the reply. The four days he was here weve talked about everything and anything including the fact that hes been single for over a year and a half. Im just scared of telling him how i feel because of what happened that night - other than that particular incident all the signs that i get from him are that he really likes me but i just cant rationalize why he would just leave like that if he did like me.....

[LoverOfDance]

I'm thinking you probably turned him on. When you started making out, he was probably 90% sure that you two would have sex since most girls these days are not waiting until marriage to have sex. When you stopped him, he was probably very disappointed. You have no idea how much guys want sex or how important it is to them. I'm not sure I understand why but that's just how it is. Don't take it personally, I think he just really expected to have sex that night and when you turned him down, he was very disappointed so he left. If he is still talking to you then maybe he likes you. If you're brave enough, you can tell him that you'd like you two to go out on a date the next time he's in town.

 

PS. I think it's great that you're sticking to your no sex before marriage rule. In today's society, it's really hard to do that since our society promotes pre-marital sex. Just want to let you know that you're not alone. I'm also celibate as well and also waiting until marriage :-)

[shylane]

Number one: He likes you...but...

Number two: He expected sex. He got frustrated enough to leave.

Which means he probably won't pursue anything serious because...

Number three; it's a long distance relationship.

 

Unless he comes from a culture or religious background to where taking home and marrying an unsullied girl is paramount, I have to conclude that he's having a grand time on his travels...which probably doesn't include abstinence on his part...and I wouldn't count on his rapt interest.

 

You need to find a guy that has a stable routine, lives near you, and who has the same values as you.

It's over with this guy.

[pteromom]

do i tell him i like him - he likes me thats the vibe i get but then why did he leave me in the middle of making out at night.

 

Because he was super horny and frustrated?

 

I am very confused. Is this worth a shot? What do i do.

Of course it is worth a shot. Worst thing that can happen is he isn't interested, which leaves you no worse off than you are now. Except you will have answers rather than be up worrying about it.

 

Tell him you enjoyed the time you spent together. Tell him you are interested in seeing where it goes if he is. See what he says. Take it from there

[ah1234567890]

Hi,

So I basically worked up the courage and told him how I felt and asked him what transpired that day what was that all about.......

Well you guys were partially right.... He said he did get frustrated and didn't know really what to say at that moment because he had been completely shut out....he in all honesty did not know what to do when two ppl want such different things... He said he wanted to leave and walk away while he could because it was tormenting for him ( on a side note I had no idea men actually functioned this way whit a thought process like this). So that's what explained his behaviour atleast I know now.

As for me asking him out, he said he really liked me and wants to date me but its a logistical nightmare so once his trip ends to give this a fair **** he will move to my city for three months and give it an honest shot

[Sweet Workaholic]

I'm thinking you probably turned him on. When you started making out, he was probably 90% sure that you two would have sex since most girls these days are not waiting until marriage to have sex. When you stopped him, he was probably very disappointed. You have no idea how much guys want sex or how important it is to them. I'm not sure I understand why but that's just how it is. Don't take it personally, I think he just really expected to have sex that night and when you turned him down, he was very disappointed so he left. If he is still talking to you then maybe he likes you. If you're brave enough, you can tell him that you'd like you two to go out on a date the next time he's in town.

 

PS. I think it's great that you're sticking to your no sex before marriage rule. In today's society, it's really hard to do that since our society promotes pre-marital sex. Just want to let you know that you're not alone. I'm also celibate as well and also waiting until marriage :-)

 

Sex is a powerful biological imperative. Once someone is seriously physically aroused a lot of hormones get released and it actually does interfere with rational thought. I suspect he on the one hand wanted to respect your choice but on the other hand was both physically frustrated and afraid that if he hung out he'd do something he and you would regret :-)

 

I mean, really, if you are planning on staying a virgin until you marry does it really make sense to sleep in the same bed with a guy when you are both really turned on?

 

Maybe he should have said something polite, but his head was probably in a total whirl. If he was mad at you he would have left town without talking or said something surly. I'd forget about it as fast as you can.

 

Don't challenge him about why he left that night. Guys hate to explain themselves, and *love* to be understood. Assume he left for the right reason, and act as if you appreciate it. Or, if you prefer, assume he left in a snit and you have forgiven him for it. Either way, act as if it's not important to you in the overall context of your relationship.

 

Human relationships are never perfect; there are always bumps. You had five incredible days, you made a huge connection, and you are now talking as frequently as you can. the two of you negotiated one night when you almost violated your principles and you didn't. There's a lot of success to this story so far. I should be so lucky lol.

 

You don't have to say "I love you I want to marry you" or anything at all like that. Just keep talking with him frequently and let it grow. In a week ask if he can visit again or if you can visit him. You don't have to tell him you "like him." You can say "I'd love to spend more time together; can you to visit again, or can I come see you sometimes?" That is as clear a message as you can give him.

 

Early on, it's both more romantic and less threatening to say and do things that manifest you like him rather than to say you like him.

 

It's possible he has a temper and acts hastily. You may find that every time you disagree about something he stalks off in a huff. If it's a pattern, that's different. But don't go assuming the worst. Give him a shot :-)