Hyflyin1 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Hello to all here on Loveshack! First time poster and in need os advice. I have been seeing a woman that I met from the POF site. It just started as a casual thing and we would get together several times a week. Here we have been seeing each other exclusively. Well I have been anyways. So like 2 months ago I started to sense a change in her towards me. On the surface she says she is completely in love with me and I must say. I do have strong feelings for her.. I started to notice that when ever she would call or text me. My friend from work would also text or call st the same times as my girl? The first few times I just figured wow. Crazy timing right? Well I started paying closer attention and have found that I think she's doing us both be a use of this. There is know way it can be some purely cosmic event. Recently she's out of town taking care of her mother. This week there were two days in a row that both she and he, within minutes of each other called and texted me? WTF???? It seems that he always calls right after she texts me, withininutes. DI live 30 min. Away from her and he's only 5 min. There have been times already when I head home fo being with her. She will csll.me acting all concerned for my well being and she always asks where zi sm and if I made it home yet. She's cheating on me isn,t she? Please offer up your best advice so zi can make an informed desist ion on wetter to end this or not. THANK You! Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 If you want 100% proof - ask her if you can look at her phone. If she refuses, that's your answer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Coincidences are coincidences. Let's say they are cheating on you. Why would they both text you? That doesn't make sense to me. Unless they were both ignoring texts by you up to that point. Do the two of them know each other before you met her, or are the link for the two between you? Tell him you think you just tested positive for an STD (say any of them) and see if 1) He freaks out and 2) She asks you about it later. Find creative ways to test them to see if they are talking behind your back. Ask her straight up. How long have you been dating? If not very long, just consider moving on as it's obvious you don't trust her anymore. You could do all that snooping ****, VARs and what not, but I'd say it's not worth it unless you're married. Could try telling your friend that you think she's cheating just to see his reaction or that you are thinking of breaking it off with her. If he gets nervous or excited in response, could be a sign as well. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Why don't you just stop "assuming" and get proactive and follow her. Borrow a friends car and say you can't make it out tonight, and wait to see if he comes over or she goes to his place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I guarantee some people just have a knack for bad timing with phones. This is how the universe entertains itself. I swear my ex must have had a camera hidden in the bathroom and as soon as i sit down on the toilet and commit to the process, 'ring ring' Yes ok universe, funny, ha ha ha 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hyflyin1 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Good one there mystikmind. I have had moments like that with only a few people in my life. Guess that's why I don't see how the timing could be anything random chance. 2 text/phone calls , he will call me and her text came in the exact minute? This text/call stuff happened on the last Tuesday of july, 2 times that day. Then it happened again that thusday. Some thing, 2 text/ phone calls. A few minutes apart on most days. Yes it has happened in the morning as well? Seversl times over the last month. I,m like Wtf!!! Failing to understand how the timing can be that. I should mention that this guy is the part time carrier for her mail route. Yes I have delivered her mail b4 too. I,m just really into this woman and we are both in mid 50,s. I really don't want to think poorly of her but what gives? Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 If you want 100% proof - ask her if you can look at her phone. If she refuses, that's your answer. This tbh. If you pick up her phone or if you use her computer and she flips out....She's hiding ****. And hiding **** is bad. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 I think what's happening here is that before they meet up she wants to make sure your home so you don't see him and the reason they text you is their unsure if you put two and two together and suspect something. If it's me I lie when I say I'm home and take a wait and see approach and try to catch them. Either that or move on and find someone else who you can trust. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Obviously this friend of yours calls and texts you quite a lot, and so does this girl. You're being paranoid. It's a coincidence. If you do not trust your friend or your girlfriend, then end it with both of them. If they have given you no reason not to trust them...then address your paranoia, or you'll struggle to establish any sort of healthy relationship with anyone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Good one there mystikmind. I have had moments like that with only a few people in my life. Guess that's why I don't see how the timing could be anything random chance. 2 text/phone calls , he will call me and her text came in the exact minute? This text/call stuff happened on the last Tuesday of july, 2 times that day. Then it happened again that thusday. Some thing, 2 text/ phone calls. A few minutes apart on most days. Yes it has happened in the morning as well? Seversl times over the last month. I,m like Wtf!!! Failing to understand how the timing can be that. I should mention that this guy is the part time carrier for her mail route. Yes I have delivered her mail b4 too. I,m just really into this woman and we are both in mid 50,s. I really don't want to think poorly of her but what gives? I have no problem believing it is random chance. You seem to be looking at it in terms of probability. Nothing wrong with being mindful of probability, but it can lead to unnecessary aggravation. Thats why it is natural too be annoyed when you happen to choose the only pen out of the 50 in the jar that dousnt work, or when you try to reverse out of your driveway on a quiet street and all of a sudden cars turn up seemingly out of nowhere and make you wait, almost every time you try to go out! Traffic lights seemingly defy the laws of physics by being red 80% of the time, in both directions! Probability can drive you crazy when you observe how screwed up it truly is on this planet... so yes, i have no problem believing your text timing is purely random chance. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 If you pick up her phone or if you use her computer and she flips out....She's hiding ****. And hiding **** is bad. Really? So if I'm dating someone but don't want them to look at my phone or computer, I'm hiding something? I would lose my **** if I was dating something and he picked up my phone/got on my computer. Not because I'm hiding something, but because I value privacy and do not condone a significant other going through my private things. OP, if you can't trust her, then why are you dating her exactly? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I haven't seen any reason to think that the two of them even know each other. If you knew they were somehow connected an both aware of the other's relationship with you, like if the three of you were all friends or something or the two of them worked together, it would seem more probable. But with zero connection and only the seemingly coincidental timing of texts/calls, I think you may be imagining the whole thing. Is there any connection- are they even aware of each other's existence? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Ya know sometimes when you get spotty service texts back up and come through at once. Example. If I'm expecting a text and it hasn't come through, I'll call my voicemail. Once my voicemail connects all the backed up texts come through. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) Thats why it is natural too be annoyed when you happen to choose the only pen out of the 50 in the jar that dousnt work, or when you try to reverse out of your driveway on a quiet street and all of a sudden cars turn up seemingly out of nowhere and make you wait, almost every time you try to go out! Traffic lights seemingly defy the laws of physics by being red 80% of the time, in both directions!. For me, it's emergency vehicles every time I either arrive at work or leave work. Everytime. It's crazy. OP--yeah, that does seem a little weird. You could get the two of them together and ask them why is it when she calls you, he texts you at the same time. Watch their faces and reaction--it will tell you everything. Edited August 14, 2015 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Really? So if I'm dating someone but don't want them to look at my phone or computer, I'm hiding something? I would lose my **** if I was dating something and he picked up my phone/got on my computer. Not because I'm hiding something, but because I value privacy and do not condone a significant other going through my private things. OP, if you can't trust her, then why are you dating her exactly? If you're really in a committed relationship, there should be nothing to hide... it's not privacy invation like the govt likes to to, it's just being transparent to your SO.... now, you might have something that would be embarrassing, so just tell her... this file in my computer might contain embarrassing stuff, so I'd appreciate you not reading it, or let me temper it a bit with an explanation.. There are a few private things that even SOs can withhold. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hyflyin1 Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Update: well my girl got back into town this past thursday, finally. We spent Thursday thru Sunday together and it was very nice to say the least. No weird phone calls or texts either. That started back up on monday, tuesday. Wtf? I was off both days and here my girl acted like I barely existed. Spotty texts and no phone contact. When she does this it seems as if she's keeping me at arms length for some reason. Deep down I know that these two are secretly seeing each other. There's no the reason for this behavior other than that. And yes my so called friend called right after her yesterday too. Just tried to make this bs lies about what I was up to and where I was at. He was trying to a certain wetter I would be somewhere else. You know. Away from her. She called a little later and she was really acting peculiar, oh yeah. And she did ask about where I was at? You can't say that these are just random, cosmic events..... Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Update: well my girl got back into town this past thursday, finally. We spent Thursday thru Sunday together and it was very nice to say the least. No weird phone calls or texts either. That started back up on monday, tuesday. Wtf? I was off both days and here my girl acted like I barely existed. Spotty texts and no phone contact. When she does this it seems as if she's keeping me at arms length for some reason. Deep down I know that these two are secretly seeing each other. There's no the reason for this behavior other than that. And yes my so called friend called right after her yesterday too. Just tried to make this bs lies about what I was up to and where I was at. He was trying to a certain wetter I would be somewhere else. You know. Away from her. She called a little later and she was really acting peculiar, oh yeah. And she did ask about where I was at? You can't say that these are just random, cosmic events..... Don't exhaust your energy fighting jealousy it will depress you and you will end up doing something stupid. Instead act on it. Next time they both call you make them believe that you are far away then have a plan to go and see if you can bust them, You can also talk to your GF nicely about your R and how she distance herself from you Just don't just sit and beat yourself without doing anything about it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 If she doesn't make you feel safe, end it. Life's too short. Get rid of the phoney friend too. You don't need a reason. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yellowteacup Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 If you feel uncomfortable about it, then ask. If she appears guilty, averts eyes, starts being nervous, etc. Then put the brakes on and decide if this is the kind of relationship you want going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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