Am I being unfair?

[louise08]

I'm quite against all drugs. I don't advertise the fact I don't like them and shove my opinion in people's faces (no judgement on anyone) but even my friends who do take them occasionally know I'll never touch them and don't involve me.

 

I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who does them (again sorry just my preference.. Hope I'm not offending anyone).

 

Anyway my partner and I were together a few years and he didn't touch drugs we both had the some views. We split up for 9 months and now back together. He told me he used them once during this time. However now months and months later it's all coming out that it was a lot more than once.

 

We were spit up so of course he was entitled to do as he pleased and he doesn't need to tell me everything he got up to and vice versa. I'm glad he got to party and have fun...But I'm finding it a bit hard to look past the drug usage considering he lied about it to begin with. Am I being totally unfair?

[StalwartMind]

I don't think it's so much about being unfair or not, but rather about your own standards. If you feel strongly about an issue then why compromise, as that is basically betraying yourself. We all view lies differently I place high value on honesty. I'm sure that one of the reason as to why he said he just did once is because if he told you he had done a lot, he would fear you thinking less of him.

 

Overall if I was you I'd not worry about what others think or even question if you are being unfair or not, as that really is up to you to decide. I understand experimentation is a part of life too, especially to find out about the things we may be tempted by or to exclude things we don't like at all. Some people can change, others won't. It comes down to how you perceive him and if you believe in any kind of future with him too. If you have trouble looking past it, then it may just come back to bite your mind again and again. Life is short, risk vs reward should always be considered, you owe it to yourself to enjoy it as you see fit.

[Gloria25]

I don't see it as a "lie"...

 

I see it as him not informing you of something that is not relevant to his current life and/or RL with you.

 

I mean, ok, he experimented with drugs. Has he taken any since? Did that one time experimentation with drugs result in him getting a STD, unwanted pregnancy, jail time? Has he maid any other stupid choices in his life?

 

I don't get why women have this "full disclosure" policy with men. They have to know his past, present, future. He cannot omit NOTHING. Even if he's sitting down watching TV, she must disrupt him to ask him 'what he's thinking'

 

I say let it go...

 

I cannot stand people who do drugs - including weed. I mean, I'm trying to get back into the dating world and have had to eliminate lots of guys (or they self-eliminate) cuz they do mushrooms, weed, whatever.

 

I've seen people who escalate from weed to harder stuff and lose everything they have. I've also seen people who pop-pills and/or do weed and while they don't escalate into harder stuff, they turn into slugs and/or zombies. They smell and/or have no ambition. They just walk around like the Walking Dead and do the bare minimum (if any) to keep on breathing.

 

This guy just sounds like he made a bad decision in the past, hasn't repeated it, and didn't see why he should have told you it. I wonder "why" he told you it now?