mattwr Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I'm at the point in my marriage (almost 10 years) where I think divorce is inevitable. I'm in the situation where I can do no right - my wife can interpret anything I say or do to be inappropriate or hurtful and get upset at me. But she does not allow me the luxury to get upset at her - if she does something that makes me upset she always has a response and turns things around on me and inevitably I'm the one who has wronged and is apologizing. No matter what the situation. I'm just screwed. She cheated on me and aside from the 2 days or so after I caught her has shown no remorse. And I'm pretty sure that there is a lot she hasn't been honest to me about. I'm constantly in a bad mood at home (or anywhere), constantly walking on egg shells around her, and think I need to get out. But that terrifies me. I don't have any friends and if we split up I'll be totally alone and I'm terrified. What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Seems to me you already are very alone, a marriage/relationship shouldn't make you feel so. From what you describe it all sounds like an unhealthy existence, and she's the one in control. Partners should not walk over each other and make the other part feel bad, I understand that people can change or want change, which is possibly why she cheated in the first place. Humbly put you deserve better, it'll always sit bad with me when people end up treating each other like this. While your mind is without a doubt racing with thoughts and fears, I'll strongly advise you to not put yourself through this state for much longer. Whether you want to fight for it on your own, through marriage counseling or other options, something needs to change. You need to make that effort to change things, as they rarely do on their own. Even if something feels unbearable to overcome, it is often because our mind is currently in a fragile state. Sometimes the most difficult choices in our life are also the ones that lead us to the best destinations. Not everything has to end on a bad note, although we are masters of imagining the worst, we are also capable of achieving the best. I think most of the time it comes down to our own willingness, how badly do we really want change. If it gets so bad, that you feel like something must happen, then it is probably time for it to do so. Don't spend more time than you need to in a state of disappointment and misery, there is too much beauty out there to be discovered and had. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Your wife has no respect for you, treating you badly and cheating on you. I hope you'll be on your way to an attorney moments after you finish reading the replies here. Don't be afraid of what will be after divorce - it can only be better than your dreadful marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Why would you stay with an unremorseful spouse ? You've let the cheating get swept under the carpet and she's only showed regret that she was caught. True remorse doesn't last 2 days. You let her trample over you and she'll continue to do so. It you love her, it doesn't seem like she loves you. She certainly doesn't respect you. A few questions, so I can get a picture of whether it's even worth making demands of her, for this to work. How long ago was the affair? Did you try marriage counselling after the affair? Is she now open and transparent? Do you know her whereabouts most times? How did you discover the affair? How long was the affair? How do you know the affair is over? Was the OM married? If so was his wife told? If not, she should be. Do you have children? Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 So she never apologize or take responsibility for any wrong thing she does, not even her infidelity do you know why? Be cause you lack self esteem and she knows it. Have some dignity man and stand up for yourself. She won't just change magically if you don't act you stay in that life until you explode. Look for D attorney now and start the process, let her know what you just told us, tell her that she never owns up to her mess you are tired of being blamed for everything, she will continue blaming you as she is used to that then once she realize that you serious she will try to change Link to post Share on other sites
LukeRBetts Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 The though of leaving and being alone is terrifying. Living with a person who u know doesnt care or respect you and WILL continue to cheat on you is soul destroying....ive been there...... Get out and get out quick...this isnt about her anymore its about you. Qubist is right.... time to fight for whats left of you and your dignity. Being alone is scarey at first...but it will also bring peace to a tormented soul. If u stay u will give her any dignity and self respect that u have left...and eventually it will lead you down a very dark path...and u dont want to go there.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 She cheated on me and aside from the 2 days or so after I caught her has shown no remorse. And I'm pretty sure that there is a lot she hasn't been honest to me about. I'm constantly in a bad mood at home (or anywhere), constantly walking on egg shells around her, and think I need to get out. Humans are fallible beings and cheating is an unfortunate byproduct. But to then actively try to pin the blame on you is an act of pure malice and spite, indicating a total lack of empathy and regret for the hurt and pain caused. Look at it this way - what does such a person have to offer you? More lies? More hurt? More cheating? Hope you don't stick around to find out... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
lina_809 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Tell me about it am in the same situation with my huband am so scared of being along... but if u feel like you have to walk in egg shells ur not leaving life its too short to be living like that. Am telling my self the samething my hearth its in so much painn but am so tired of begging and apologizing without doin nothing Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Keep taking care of yourself. Exercise, eat right, meditate, get plenty of sleep, get sun, work hard at your job skills, pay off debt, save money, practice gratitude. Above all, divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
NewBeginning72 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I know how it feels to be terrified of being along, post marriage. I had those fears for many years; it was a main reason I continued on with my marriage. I have very few people in my life, so the thought of losing just one person seemed overwhelming. But I gradually came to realize that I can't possibly see myself with this person for the rest of my life. That is too long to feel unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
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