How can I have proper closure? Does it exist?

[Manya]

My boyfriend broke up with me almost two years ago in a brutal, unexpected way.

 

I was supposed to meet him at his place in the evening and when I got there he was not there. I waited hours and he never showed up the whole night.

 

The next day I went to his place and realized he had been out the whole night. I had to leave the city that day and he had known it. I left him at note telling him what time my train left (This took place in Warsaw, Poland where I had been stationed at the time) An hour before I had to leave I came around to his place again (He didn't have a phone) to see if he had returned, and to my horror I realized he had returned to his place in the day then gone out again, but the note had been left on the door unopened, unread as if to say "Go to hell!"

 

I thought I would die of pain right there. When I tried to contact him later via his friends with telephones, he just told me in the most horrible manner that "it was finished with us" and asked me where he could send my things.

 

For almost a year following the brutal, tragic rupture I cried every morning upon waking up. I tried to forget and "move on with my life" but was too full of pain to even be interested in other men. We had been together over two years, had had lived a beautiful love story, and on top of that he had been the first man with whom I could dialogue.

 

I refused to believe that all of that could turn the other way in such a short time period.

 

but he had had many problems of his own: bankrupt, threats of eviction, his ex-wife making his life hard by taking custody of his child, his own career as a musician falling apart..... I happened to be there at at time when everything exploded for him full course.

 

Six months later I found him in Switzerland where he had fled after the loss of his flat. I called him up at an older woman's place where he was living and confronted him in front of her. She had known nothing of his past with me, and this caused a huge emabarassment for him as he had lied to the woman and was only using her because he had a place to stay. A few weeks later his Swiss set-up fell apart and he moved on to another city and took up with someone else.

 

I spoke with him once last year by and he apologized for the hurt he had caused me. I told him I wanted to meet with him for to have proper closure and he agreed, but then failed to show up.

 

I am emotionally 'over him ' now and have fallen in love with someone else, but I still think about Pavel, dream about him(not in an erotic manner) and I know there still needs to be this closure. I found his current address one day by accident on the interent, but didn't contact him.

 

How do you think I can have closure? Will I ever have it? He still has stuff of mine and owes money. should I wait for 'the universe' to provide the oportune moment for closure, or should I attempt myself?

[Jill]

I have a similar problem with my ex-boyfriend and am wondering the same thing. Does anybody have other experiences like this with closure?

My boyfriend broke up with me almost two years ago in a brutal, unexpected way. I was supposed to meet him at his place in the evening and when I got there he was not there. I waited hours and he never showed up the whole night. The next day I went to his place and realized he had been out the whole night. I had to leave the city that day and he had known it. I left him at note telling him what time my train left (This took place in Warsaw, Poland where I had been stationed at the time) An hour before I had to leave I came around to his place again (He didn't have a phone) to see if he had returned, and to my horror I realized he had returned to his place in the day then gone out again, but the note had been left on the door unopened, unread as if to say "Go to hell!" I thought I would die of pain right there. When I tried to contact him later via his friends with telephones, he just told me in the most horrible manner that "it was finished with us" and asked me where he could send my things. For almost a year following the brutal, tragic rupture I cried every morning upon waking up. I tried to forget and "move on with my life" but was too full of pain to even be interested in other men. We had been together over two years, had had lived a beautiful love story, and on top of that he had been the first man with whom I could dialogue. I refused to believe that all of that could turn the other way in such a short time period.

 

but he had had many problems of his own: bankrupt, threats of eviction, his ex-wife making his life hard by taking custody of his child, his own career as a musician falling apart..... I happened to be there at at time when everything exploded for him full course. Six months later I found him in Switzerland where he had fled after the loss of his flat. I called him up at an older woman's place where he was living and confronted him in front of her. She had known nothing of his past with me, and this caused a huge emabarassment for him as he had lied to the woman and was only using her because he had a place to stay. A few weeks later his Swiss set-up fell apart and he moved on to another city and took up with someone else. I spoke with him once last year by and he apologized for the hurt he had caused me. I told him I wanted to meet with him for to have proper closure and he agreed, but then failed to show up. I am emotionally 'over him ' now and have fallen in love with someone else, but I still think about Pavel, dream about him(not in an erotic manner) and I know there still needs to be this closure. I found his current address one day by accident on the interent, but didn't contact him.

 

How do you think I can have closure? Will I ever have it? He still has stuff of mine and owes money. should I wait for 'the universe' to provide the oportune moment for closure, or should I attempt myself?

[LoveAngel]

My boyfriend broke up with me almost two

years ago in a brutal, unexpected way. I am emotionally 'over him ' now and have fallen in love with someone else, but I still think about Pavel, dream about him(not in an erotic manner) and I know there still needs to be this closure. I found his current address one day by accident on the interent, but didn't contact him. How do you think I can have closure? Will I ever have it? He still has stuff of mine and owes money. should I wait for 'the universe' to provide the oportune moment for closure, or should I attempt myself?

Manya,

 

It was two years ago. No matter how beautiful your relationship with this man was at the time, it's over now and he's made that rather clear to you. The perfection that existed obviously didn't or at least didn't for him and it sounds like there were numerous factors that perhaps didn't allow him to grow as close to you as you did to him. Now that it's over, you need to move past this episode in your life. I'm not suggesting that you forget him -- you'll always have the memories of your relationship with Pavel. The only thing preventing you from getting "closure" to this relationship is, frankly, your own stubborness. Now certainly I mean no offense saying that nor do I suggest that you are purposefully dragging this on on a conscious level, but perhaps subconsciously, and if you really ask yourself, you'll find that you are still holding on. He has gotten his closure and it's unfair for you to continue to expect him to come forth and meet you somewhere just so that you can feel better inside. He doesn't have those feelings for you anymore and ask yourself, deep down, are you really wishing to get closure or are you trying to win him back? Leave him with your money, with your belongings, and move on with the memories and lessons you learned from your relationship with Pavel. You say you're emotionally over him but are you really? And if you care for this new boyfriend of yours, you're doing him an injustice by continuing to pursue this with Pavel while dedicating yourself to your current boyfriend at the same time. Now that it's over is your new relationship more important, or are your yearnings for the past? You can't have them both.

 

Best wishes,

 

LoveAngel