radioflyer Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Ok...Well here is the deal and i hope that a few of you remember me and my situation. I`ll give it to you in a nutshell and get to the main point. My wife cheated on me and i caught her in the act. she put me through complete hell for a year and still tries to get a hold of me by text messages. She has since gotten pregnant with his child who she cheated on me with and is due any day now. She is miserable and does not want to be in that relationship anymore because she realized that she made the biggest mistake of her life! However, it is waaaay too late to try and work anything out. To add to that, she is re-married to this guy (for insurance reasons) because she was put on bedrest and taken out of work....... Well, tonight, I got a phone call and a message from her telling me that her dad is not going to make it through the night. He had ANOTHER brain hemmorage, but this time they are going to just cut the ventilator off. I don`t know what to do in this situation. I don`t know if calling her back is going to be the best thing because she is going to pour her heart out to me and i really don`t think that is right because she is married to this guy. Please, some advice here before i do something stupid and call. Stuck in a rut!! Thanks marc Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Not a nice place to be in... I can understand your not wanting to be her shoulder to cry on.. I guess if you feel that strongly about it then don't call her back but maybe send a sympathy card to her Via Mail and/or phone her Mom (If she is still alive and if you're still on good terms with her) and give her your condolences... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 the best action here is no action whatsoever. she is playing you to see how much of a sap you are. and assuming her dad knew what she did to you I think he would excuse you totally. you will still go to heaven if u do nothing Marc. the biotch made her bed now she must lie in it, pregnant and all Link to post Share on other sites
Author radioflyer Posted May 9, 2005 Author Share Posted May 9, 2005 thank you for the quick responses. I guess it is just human nature to feel sympathy for her. I, for some reason, was expecting this phone call, but not this early due to his ailing health. However, i never came to the conclusion myself, on how i was going to handle the situation. she has chosen her support system and honestly, the first thought in my mind is that she is lying just to get me to call her and she waited for the first chance of something to happen. I have not contacted her and will NOT contact her. She has tried everything and every way to get a hold of me. As sad as it is, I think that this is probably her last chance to attempt at it. Thank you again! Marc Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 I mean no disrespect, but why haven't you changed your phone #? TMCM Link to post Share on other sites
Author radioflyer Posted May 9, 2005 Author Share Posted May 9, 2005 good question...everyone has asked that. So many people have this number and i have had it for so many years, i am afraid to give it up. But i guess it is time to do so! marc Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Marc, sorry you are going through this. I don't think I would call her back if you feel she is using her father to get to you (sad situation if she is). When he does pass, I would just send her a sympathy card. I wouldn't go to the funeral if you don't feel comfortable. GL! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 You shouldn't have to change your phone number. One email asking her not to call you again and to respect your wishes. Why go through all that hassel? Block her phone number or get call display. I think sending a note to her mom is a nice thing to do out of respect. I agree with what everybody else has said as well. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup You shouldn't have to change your phone number. One email asking her not to call you again and to respect your wishes. Why go through all that hassel? Block her phone number or get call display. I think sending a note to her mom is a nice thing to do out of respect. I agree with what everybody else has said as well. WWIU, I agree about the phone number, he shouldn't have to change it. When my H had an A I never changed ours b/c we had it so many years and it would be a big hassle to tell friends, family, ect the new number, not to mention the cost of changing it. The OW wasn't worth doing all that. H told her to stop calling but she hadn't so the last time she called I told her to stop. She never called back. Marc shouldn't have to change his number. Maybe getting caller ID, or have her number blocked. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 radioflyer, The only reason why I suggested you change your phone # is that she seems to disregard your wishes to not contact you and a phone # change is one way to make sure that she doesn't contact you again. But if you don't want to go through the hassle of changing phone #s then consider getting a digital answering machine which you can use to screen your calls. TMCM Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 I don't know. This is a tough one. Did her dad really die? I guess if you are at a point where you think being there for her is not good for your mental health, just send a condolences card, and flowers or something. It really does sound like she put you through hell, but I always hate turning my back on people I once loved when they are down, even if they don't really deserve any sympathy after the things they have done. I have been a shoulder to cry on for an ex or two before. It doesn't mean I got back together with them, but I was glad I could be there. Still, if you are not at a place where you can do that, just send flowers or something. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 The only reason why I suggested you change your phone # is that she seems to disregard your wishes to not contact you and a phone # change is one way to make sure that she doesn't contact you again. By doing that though, it gives her POWER. I think his request of asking her Please do not ever call me again should be enough. If she doesn't respect his wishes then he can tell her to stop harrassing him and threaten to call the police and charge her with harrassment. It's such a pain the ass to change a number you've had for such a long time! And what if she is able to get the new phone number?? Just isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Radioflyer, If the answer to this were so simple, you wouldn't be writing here. My guess is that your good nature means that you don't want to be heartless. Ok, your ex is crazy and has treated you bad but that hasn't changed you from a nice person into a heartless pig. Call her back, ask if there is anything you can do but make sure you don't offer to meet her or get drawn into conversations about you and her. let her know that although this is a pretty dire situation, you will not be at her back and call in the future. That way you can walk away feeling good about yourself. Sylvia Link to post Share on other sites
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