Love/Pedestal to Complete Crash and Burn -Final Story

[loveweary11]

Weren't you the guy who was looking for a woman who offered to pay for someone's expenses as long as she was a free spirit who would follow you on a boat adventure?

 

So, you offered to pay for everything and attracted someone who expects others to pay for everything. And you're surprised because...?

 

 

 

Not quite.

 

There areno expenses on my trip. Fuel was about $1000, boat was an ungodly sum, food like $500.

 

But... I was buying all that for myself anyway. I was having some company for the trip.

 

Money isn't the issue. How can you miss that being a cokehead who steals things is a problem??

 

Are you saying I should marry her??

[loveweary11]

Describe a diamond.

 

Gladly.

 

Someone who is a good, well meaning person deep down inside.

[loveweary11]

Loveweary, how old is she? Ballpark.

 

25. Exact age.

[writergal]

Gladly.

 

Someone who is a good, well meaning person deep down inside.

 

...who is stick thin with no muffin top. Be honest now. Looks and a woman's body fat index are a deal breaker for you. You've said so yourself.

[loveweary11]

...who is stick thin with no muffin top. Be honest now. Looks and a woman's body fat index are a deal breaker for you. You've said so yourself.

 

Rock pile = a heap of girls that are in shape (not stick thin... petite and muscular)

 

Diamond (from the rock pile) = one of them that's a good person inside

 

This is how I've narrowed it down my whole life and it has always resulted in exceptionally good long term relationships with women I'm attracted to and that I pair bond with for years.

 

**definitely no muffin tops. If I put in the effort to take care of my body in a way that can attract non muffin top women, there is no reason I should need to consider those who are too lazy to do the same. Point blank. No debate in the world will get me to consider being with someone who isn't on my level of fitness.

Edited August 11, 2015 by loveweary11

[loveweary11]

Extreme Closure!!!!

 

 

Today yoga and I had to deal with each other a bit as is necessary until Sept.

 

We fought like pit bulls.

 

Basically, everything I said about her in this thread was said to her in person or on text.

 

That bridge is torched.

 

Well, next topic...

[writergal]

Extreme Closure!!!!

 

 

Today yoga and I had to deal with each other a bit as is necessary until Sept.

 

We fought like pit bulls.

 

Basically, everything I said about her in this thread was said to her in person or on text.

 

That bridge is torched.

 

Well, next topic...

 

Oh, ha-ha!! Well at least you can move on now!

[PaperCrane]

I enjoyed reading this thread.

 

Some people seem to take issue with the OP's method of choosing a girl, however I can see why he does.

 

He has a need and he knows this. The girl needs to be petite and fit. He's active and likes the lifestyle. A core component of a relationship is sex. If he isn't turned on by a girl...welp. Some people are just pickier than others.

 

Personality and character are the most important part as can be seen by his choice to boot her.

 

Looks gain the invite, character keeps them around.

 

As for Yoga, well, all I can say is I hope she quickly exits your life this September. A thief is a rotten person and I'd have taken similar measures after finding that out.

[serial muse]

This is how I've narrowed it down my whole life and it has always resulted in exceptionally good long term relationships with women I'm attracted to and that I pair bond with for years.

 

But you've also lamented that you're never "the one".

 

You know, you seem very determined to stay stuck in the same rut. Nobody is telling you to date women you aren't attracted to. But when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and it isn't working, maybe it is time to try something new. And as I said in a previous post, it's hard to know what you want here. Above you say that you're doing it right and it's all working for you. In other posts you sound like you want advice on people picking.

 

People have just been trying to suggest to you that it's worth examining your prejudices and preconceptions. This isn't necessarily about age or looks. But you insist to us that the young women you only want to date also will give you crap and say you're less of a man if you don't have sex with them right away. And then you wonder why they're not looking to pair bond with you. Jesus H. Christ. Really? I can tell you that right now: It's because people who will make that sort of judgment in a dating situation are simply not into pair bonding at this time of their lives. There are lots of sexy women out there who don't need you to jump in the sack right away to prove your manliness. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong if it just happens. But if it happens under those strictures? That's a giant red flag. And your stubbornness that those are the only women you could possibly want anyway IS your problem. You seem to be seeking them out as some sort of validation of yourself. That's an issue.

 

Perhaps you just like the drama and find it sexy. Something else to consider?

 

I commend you for not wanting to date a thief. But you brushed off all the other stuff - her drug habit, her leechiness, her flighty behavior - because she had a hot ass and wasn't your definition of a "cubicle drone". That's on you at this point.

 

Find a chick with a hot ass and a life of her own and perhaps a sense of responsibility. That might mean that she's got some earthly ties, like a job and a city she lives in and even wants to stay in for a while. I recommend that you not dismiss her for those, but instead take a little time to get to know her first. My sense is that you have a pretty shallow idea of what a perfect woman is, and the upshot is that it won't let her really be a real, separate person. She's an icon. That's your trouble. You don't seem to want a separate human being with flaws and ties and interests that don't align with yours, and if she has those things it's a turnoff. And even though younger, early-20s women might flow along with that for a while, because they're still figuring out who they are and what they want in life, they're not going to stick around for that ish once they do figure it out, and then they'll be gone and you're back to square one, looking for your imaginary icon again. Real people have their own lives, and when you get to the point where you're not only tolerant of it but actually can celebrate it, then you'll be ready for real pair bonding.

Edited August 12, 2015 by serial muse

[xxoo]

Gladly.

 

Someone who is a good, well meaning person deep down inside.

 

Rock pile = a heap of girls that are in shape (not stick thin... petite and muscular)

 

Diamond (from the rock pile) = one of them that's a good person inside

 

Would a good person even be in the rock pile? I sure as hell wouldn't.

[Heatherknows]

Extreme Closure!!!!

 

 

Today yoga and I had to deal with each other a bit as is necessary until Sept.

 

We fought like pit bulls.

 

Basically, everything I said about her in this thread was said to her in person or on text.

 

That bridge is torched.

 

Well, next topic...

 

Did you tell her that her gut turned you off?

[Got it]

Yes. The phone was it.

 

Drug use, dependency and self entitlement can be corrected and could be someone who isn't on the right path.

 

Stealing from people is a character flaw that shows someone is rotten to the core.

 

Of course, these are my personal criteria.

 

Very interesting that stealing is a character flaw but dependency and self entitlement you see as being correctable.

 

Usually self entitlement fuels dependency, lack of respect of others, their things, feelings, etc. and that would be a character flaw.

 

Stealing is a physical manifestation of the other issues.

 

Maybe deep dive your perimeters in these areas a little more.

[Kamille]

Not quite.

 

There areno expenses on my trip. Fuel was about $1000, boat was an ungodly sum, food like $500.

 

But... I was buying all that for myself anyway. I was having some company for the trip.

 

Money isn't the issue. How can you miss that being a cokehead who steals things is a problem??

 

Are you saying I should marry her??

 

Yes. That is what I'm saying. I'm saying you should marry a thief with a coke problem. / end sarcasm

 

 

 

But really, what I pointed to is that you attracted what you put out there. You've described the kind of woman you want, basically a young manic pixie dream girl who hates offices as much as you do and can pick up and go at the drop of a hat. Then you're surprised when the woman who shows up is unpredictable and self-centred. You're surprised that someone who can drop everything at the drop of a hat happens to be someone who makes poor life choices.

 

You've also insisted the woman who would follow you on your adventure would not have to pay a thing and so could save her money for a year. You've also said you felt it was your responsibility to pay for the hotel room in other threads.

 

Realize my point isn't about her. It's about you: you've created the situation. You also have the power to change your perspective and attract someone who is better suited. Think about what kind of life your dream girl would be leading in order to make her the right choice for you. Would she really be willing to drop everything to follow someone who, as far as I can tell, told her she could follow along without paying any expenses?

[loveweary11]

Did you tell her that her gut turned you off?

 

No... and it didn't, actually, which is what I said when I mentioned it in the thread.

[regine_phalange]

Yeah, it sounds like a bad case. Good for you to breakup with her.

 

I have a (silly) question though.

How much yoga did she really do?? I mean how often and for how long?

[loveweary11]

Yeah, it sounds like a bad case. Good for you to breakup with her.

 

I have a (silly) question though.

How much yoga did she really do?? I mean how often and for how long?

 

She did a lot at the ashram because she had to.

 

In the month or so we were just together, she did maybe 5 sessions, including teaching me.

 

 

Poseur.

 

And here is the actual ending, as of today.

 

Another huge fight. She tried to attack divorce wounds. I have none left, so it didn't work.

 

Literally kicked her out and called her a wookie, since that's pretty much what she is.

 

Urban Dictionary: wookie

 

Now it's no contact.

 

End of story with yoga.

[Heatherknows]

She did a lot at the ashram because she had to.

 

In the month or so we were just together, she did maybe 5 sessions, including teaching me.

 

 

Poseur.

 

And here is the actual ending, as of today.

 

Another huge fight. She tried to attack divorce wounds. I have none left, so it didn't work.

 

Literally kicked her out and called her a wookie, since that's pretty much what she is.

 

Urban Dictionary: wookie

 

Now it's no contact.

 

End of story with yoga.

 

I'm sorry dude. I know you are moving on but I think you really liked this girl and felt a connection to her. Even if someone is mean and cruel if you feel a closeness, tenderness or connection it hurts to move away from the relationship. I don't know how you are but whenever I have to severe a bond (even if it's with someone who's abusive) I can feel the pain of the loss. It's normal to grief that loss even if you wish you felt nothing.

[loveweary11]

I'm sorry dude. I know you are moving on but I think you really liked this girl and felt a connection to her. Even if someone is mean and cruel if you feel a closeness, tenderness or connection it hurts to move away from the relationship. I don't know how you are but whenever I have to severe a bond (even if it's with someone who's abusive) I can feel the pain of the loss. It's normal to grief that loss even if you wish you felt nothing.

 

actually, i chose to start cutting her out of my life based on the cell phone theft (and cocaine and hypocrisy, etc)

 

I'm fine being the dumper.

 

Just upset at the fight.

 

And... she was outwardly the most compatible person I'd ever met. Inside, not at ALL. Same interests, but radically different approach to getting to these interests.

 

My approach: Work hard, accomplish goals, give back and live the outward life you feel inside.

 

Her approach: Never work, use literally every person in your life to get to your goals or even just survive, Project a false image of spirituality and love while using people, stealing and doing a lot of drugs.

 

So incompatible it's ridiculous. Yet so perfectly compatible in all non soul/inner self ways outwardly, ridiculously compatible.

 

Anyway, she's cut off for good. No contact.

[Heatherknows]

 

Her approach: Never work, use literally every person in your life to get to your goals or even just survive, Project a false image of spirituality and love while using people, stealing and doing a lot of drugs.

 

It sounds like she has a lot of antisocial tendencies:

 

Antisocial personality disorder signs and symptoms may include:

 

Disregard for right and wrong

Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others

Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or for sheer personal pleasure

Intense egocentrism, sense of superiority and exhibitionism

Recurring difficulties with the law

Repeatedly violating the rights of others by the use of intimidation, dishonesty and misrepresentation

Child abuse or neglect

Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, impulsiveness, aggression or violence

Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others

Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behaviors

Poor or abusive relationships

Irresponsible work behavior

Failure to learn from the negative consequences of behavior

 

 

(Those people can be lots of fun to be with which is why they always find new victims.)

[Leigh 87]

Wow I am sorry to hear that it didn't work out. Hugs*

 

Are you sure that she didn't demonstrate small signs of being a not so nice individual, during your weeks spent with her? You clearly got along so swimmingly; and there were honestly NO red flag?

 

I would personally have been really dissapointed with the whole finding the new i phone thing.

 

Maybe have a talk to her? Could she be genuinely nice and simply suffering from financial hardships?

[craw]

No ^ time for weary to move on.

[loveweary11]

Yeah. Definitely no contact.