Married, but can't stop thinking of old love

[mfleck91]

I've been married 2 months. I love my wife, so that's not an issue. My issue is that ever since I've gotten married, I can't stop thinking of my old ex. I dated her for nearly five years until she cheated on and left me while and a half years ago. I knew I would always have a small part of me that missed her, but I thought I was over it by now. I haven't seen her since we broke up and haven't had any real conversation with her. If you want more background check my profile as I wrote about her after the breakup.

 

Lately she has been on my mind a lot. And it's not as if I want to be with her, like I said I love my wife and ots never gonna happen. But I think I'm just freaking out over how my life has turned out. In a matter of 2 years I lost the girl I planned on marrying, graduated college, went through 2 more relationships, one of which has resulted in my matriage, joined the military and moved to the other side of the country. I think I'm just wondering where I would be if things had gone differently.

[Ms. Faust]

Possibly married to a cheater and posting for advice on how to catch your wife and when to disclose. That's my guess.

[mfleck91]

I'm sorry what? Could you clarify. Your response didn't make sense to me. There's no cheating going on here

[Ms. Faust]

Sorry, should have quoted your last sentence. My statement was in reference if you stayed with your ex rather than meeting your wife.

[carhill]

Sounds like unfinished business, likely relevant to the emotional trauma of the past infidelity by the person in question.

 

If you feel stuck and want to move forward, there are professionals who can give you tools to manage your thought processes, mainly working how things go when 'she's on your mind'. We all have memories and emotions; where we have choices is in how we process them.

 

I didn't read your old threads but if 91 is any reflection of age, you're still young and this kind of stuff is normal. If you can accept that such thoughts can be natural and choose to focus on the here and now and your wife and family, perhaps you can work through this on your own.

[loveweary11]

It'll go away.

 

I had a similar set of thoughts for years in my marriage that would surface every once in a while. Until I read this thread, the thoughts hadn't came up again.

[qubist]

I've been married 2 months. I love my wife, so that's not an issue. My issue is that ever since I've gotten married, I can't stop thinking of my old ex. I dated her for nearly five years until she cheated on and left me while and a half years ago. I knew I would always have a small part of me that missed her, but I thought I was over it by now. I haven't seen her since we broke up and haven't had any real conversation with her. If you want more background check my profile as I wrote about her after the breakup.

 

Lately she has been on my mind a lot. And it's not as if I want to be with her, like I said I love my wife and ots never gonna happen. But I think I'm just freaking out over how my life has turned out. In a matter of 2 years I lost the girl I planned on marrying, graduated college, went through 2 more relationships, one of which has resulted in my matriage, joined the military and moved to the other side of the country. I think I'm just wondering where I would be if things had gone differently.

it would be a concern if this is happening all the time for a very long period of time or if you are still in pain and it is causing you mental breakdown, insecurity anxiety or something like that which doesn't seem to be the case here. otherwise it is normal, this was part of your life experience that made a mark on you therefore you will never forget it the rest of your life and sometime will trigger these kind of feeling. do not think too much about it instead think about how lucky tou were to get out of that relationship without severe damages. live your life

[DivorcedDad123]

I used to have these thoughts too when I was younger.Then,along came Facebook,and old girlfriends, and I got to see that I didn't miss out on anything over the years.

You'll change.They'll change. And, you won't give her a second thought in time.

[Lois_Griffin]

So, only a mere 2 years after your breakup, you got married?

 

 

Your wife is CLEARLY a rebound.

 

 

It's one thing to feel better and start building new relationships a couple years after a bad relationship, but to be married within 2 years of a bad breakup just really sounds like a rebound.

[Chriskey2015]

Moving on is the key

[Satu]

You're up to your eyeballs in unfinished business.

 

Some therapy would be good.

 

It's always best to completely finish one thing before you begin another.

 

 

 

Take care.

[Clockwork]

I had a disastrous relationship before I met my wife. Everything was better with my wife. I know full well my life would have been disastrous with this woman. However, it isn't as if the sex was bad. I enjoyed that and I'm not saying I've never had a moment or two to think about that since I broke up with her. But as for your situation, it will pass. The more time you are in your marriage and the more you realize you hit gold with your new wife the more you'll realize how lucky you are. You are only seeing the glamorous side of your ex. That's all people show on Facebook anyway.

[loveboid]

I think your new marriage is reminding you of feelings you had in your previous relationship where you got cheated on. I believe you are re-experiencing or remembering the fear of betrayal. Sometimes intense feelings are just feelings without the words to go with them so people kinda wonder what's going on in their own head but my bet is like you said, everything is fine now.

 

I believe this is a memory of a feeling and that it isn't you wanting her back.