Meetups not much for fellowship or nurturing friendships

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is probably going to sound like a shallow post, but an objective one.

 

Not sure where this goes, but I'm sure it's an "in search of" situation, whether you're on the "search" for new friends or relationships..either way, I think this applies.

 

Anyhow, I had been talking with a Meetup organizer in general about how Meetups aren't the way they used to be. That one person can be a member of 50+ meetups, but hardly attend or attend the events at ALL.

 

You're lucky to even see them in such a venue, but most of them, I've noticed, just join the site and never actually go to the events.

 

(Which explains the hundreds upon hundreds of members, but only 20 to 30, usually of the same people show up.)

 

I had a situation one time where a member brought 2 of her co-workers with her. It was suppose to be a movie night with us, and when they showed up, they pretty much left immediately saying to her friend, but within ear shot, "We're going to the so and so bar in <ritzy part of town> to see if there are any hot dudes there" and giggled.

 

They bailed on the Meetup and went to hit a bar instead. So some are just window shopping for cute girls and man meat, and if the menu isn't too their liking at the event, some may even skip out early or at least when they feel no obligation to be there anymore as the rest that's more loyal to the group will even socialize when the meals are over.

 

I would say the majority of people that attend these events are probably 90% single/unattached, average looking to cute looking at best, people that I think most have an agenda of going to an event as an observer, but only really interacting with those that they find attractive. If someone unattractive tries to talk to them, they'll make the conversation as short as possible, say, "It was nice meeting you" and continue to mingle.

 

Some may bail on the event early and go to a 2ndary event that same night in case the "menu" isn't too their liking.

 

I've even had a woman who attended a restaurant event I hosted, she placed her order, realized she had a "Sushi Meetup" she RSVP'ed for that same time, got her food in a to-go container and bailed on us to go to THAT event.

 

So you'll get a lot of people like that...meetup hoppers.

 

Now, these situations cannot be rather "on the prowl" basis, sometimes its the same gender. A woman, Hispanic, real nice, made friends with this other Hispanic woman...they connected on a friendship level.

 

Later this woman came to tell me her friend disappeared on her...said she was going to get a drink and come back, but never returned and she was rather disappointed by that. Newsflash, this is the same woman that bailed on the restaurant event I hosted.

 

I felt sorry for her, but I said there are just some vapid, superficial people out there that are like that.

 

Though, I think there are certain types that join Meetups for their agendas

 

1. They already have a group of friends outside of Meetup, and just looking for something new/fun to do.

2. Everyone's current friends couple up and/or get married, leaving them the ONLY single person left

3. Kind of same as two, but they use Meetup as their only real means of meeting other single people, as making new friends any othe r way doesn't work depending on the community they are in.

4. Moved to the area and wanting to make new friends.

5. The newly divorced and wanting to make new friends

 

Though are some of the main ones. Anyhow, I was wondering if you've experienced the lack of interest in giving Meetup (esp. the same Meetup) more than one try and develop a fellowship of friends?

[GemmaUK]

I can't recall which of your stories it was but either the one where the two ladies left or where the one lady left I recall you saying that it left only three of you (or was it two of you) at the meet up. One or two of those remaining people were women so you were the only man there.

 

If people are going to meet ups for fun and it doesn't feel to them that its going to be much fun they are perfectly entitled to leave and do something else.

 

People are entitled to go to a meet up with an 'agenda' of meeting someone.

They are equally entitled to go along just to meet new people.

 

Your biggest bug bear always seems to be about people having a choice, why is that? You have one, why is it not OK for anyone else? Women especially?