Why most men think that girls who had few/many One Night Stands were generally 'used'

[Els]

Well from my observations, the biggest players get the most girls, for sex at least. After the sex, girls easily get attached, try to change him not to be a player, this is what happens. At least with a bit younger immature girls. But it doesn't matter, if the woman is not experienced, on a primal level, this is what happens.

 

Not true. Many women are intrinsically not attracted to promiscuous men regardless of whether or not they are experienced themselves.

 

They are attracted to players. Now, if she knows that she wants only a serious relationship, and has experience that she can't change these guy, she would avoid them of course. But that's irrelevant for the main idea of the post.

Where as guys on a primal nature level are not attracted to girls who give it easily. The more she holds, the better, the hunter awakes in the guy's nature and it feels good. See? That's the difference.

 

Also a woman who feels chased by a guy, feels like a real woman, she feels great, I know how women feel and think, I have enough experience. Women love to be chased, makes the feel special. If a girl chases a guy, he would feel weird. It's like a hunter is chasing a hunter, not interesting. That's nature. The more we follow our basics instincts the more attraction there is. The more a guy is a player the more attracted the girls are to him sexually. The more a girl holds and denies sex, the more attracted the guy is. It's simple as that.

 

Why don't you deny it? Deny that you like it to feel chased by a guy who you like? The more you hold it the better you feel, it's in your nature. Deny it please, say when you like a guy the more he chases you the less woman you feel.

 

What on earth does men pursuing women have to do with this?

 

You are asking why 'women are never turned off by promiscuous men'. The answer is 'that isn't true, so there is no why'. Is that really so hard to follow?

[gen66]

Well it has to do with how nature works with humans. Girls should HOLD not GIVE easily, that's why men are not attracted to easy girls and think they are messed up. That's why I described the hunter - chased situation.

Edited August 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Off-topic content redacted

[eye of the storm]

Exactly, I know that feeling. What I'm mostly interested in is why if you reverse the situation it wouldn't matter. Your gf wouldn't feel exactly the same way if she meets 5 girls who slept with you, she would feel other emotions, jealousy may be etc but not exactly what you felt. That's why women don't care about how many girls their guys slept it, it wouldn't make the sex less special for her wheres with guys is the opposite.

So, the question we need to ask is, why when you sleep with a promiscuous girl it feels that the sex is not that special and when girls sleep with a promiscuous men, they would never feel that. With the girls, the less partners they had the more precious they are, virgin being the most precious and special. This is how man instinctively (not logically) feel about the situation.

I'm just wondering why is that? I gave my theories above why, but was attacked lol

 

You talk in absolutes. Some women do care. Some GFs do feel exactly that. Some men do not want a virgin. Some men do not care what happened before them.

 

The weakness in your arguments is both the massive amount of assuming you do and the lumping all women and all men into groups. All without acknowledging that both men AND women are individuals and individuals are different. Have different values, different mind sets, different ideas of what is/is not important to them. It leaves you open to attack, and weakens your platform.

 

"You feel this way. Some men feel this way. I've heard/seen that some women feel that way." Then you are not speaking for all men, which you can't. Nor are you attempting to lock all women into that pretty little ribbon decorated box you are grasping so desperately.

[DJOkawari]

There is a bit of basis to what Gen66 is saying, I read a study recently (I can find it if we're interested enough) that analyzed OLD and the results were that ladies were more likely to be attracted to a guy who had hot girls in his pictures than not. For men the results (hot guys in a ladies's pics) were the opposite. (Of course this has nothing to actually do with sexual relationships between those in the pictures and only "straight" relations were analyzed.) NOTE: I'm pretty sure it was based off of tinder.

 

There are other studies which show the perceived attractiveness of a male is directly based off of how desirable his female counterpart is (this from both gender's perspective).

 

From my own friend group I find that it holds true in a way that many of my female friends are infatuated with movie stars or lead singers...basically popularly desired men. The guys are, to put it plainly, more visual. Any random beautiful girl is the target of that sort of ardor. Nothing beyond that.

 

So in a way I can believe that girls like guys who're good at attracting girls (seems kind of self fulfilling already).Of course I also believe that men and women on an "interpersonal relationship forum" are self-selecting to be especially interested in having good relationships and given some experience can see through social paradigms like this.

[RedRobin]

I'm not really sure where the topic has gone but, I dated a girl in Uni who had a lot of ONS or two-week relationships (let's say 20 guys a year - it was a bit more actually). The thing with that situation was that a lot of her friend group consisted of these guys and it was somewhat demeaning continually meeting people who had slept with her (added to that, they would try again, quite often).

 

Of course we were in love and etc. etc. So, the relationship went on for a while, but a really telling day was when I went to go play some 5 v 5 soccer and when I showed up I realized that more than half of the people there had ****ed my gf. It didn't change the relationship but I remembered that it was a pretty ****ty feeling.

 

I tried to explore that feeling but I couldn't really find what it was rooted in beyond: "being with her isn't special". So, after that whole relationship ended, I decided to avoid being serious with girls who are like that.

 

It's a little bit different than what OP began posting about, but I can see where he is coming from. I don't think I have any issues with a girl having ONS and I don't really get the idea of "used" but the point that it wasn't "special" was really driven home when I started meeting all of these guys.

 

In fact, initially I thought that a promiscuous lady said "I only want to be with you" for that reason it was quite special, but it was the opposite of that. On topic though, I couldn't care less about if a girl has had ONS or not, but I certainly don't want to keep meeting those guys or be in a relationshp where they're perpetually circling like hungry lions.

 

 

I feel the same way about men I'm getting to know when they tell me they 'made up for lost time' after their divorce, or they tell me that they've had numerous FWB.... I start to question whether the relationship we are exploring is all that meaningful or if he can be trusted when he claims to want a relationship with me. Mostly I think, "sure buddy. Whatever".

 

 

There are guys who try to lie about it, but it always comes out. Usually in the pressure they apply to have sex ASAP or their inability to establish any authentic intimacy. One wonders.

 

 

If the OP wants to explore the topic of casual sex vs relationship sex, I think he'd find a lot more support for his views. What people here are objecting to is the double standards and lack of self awareness.

[casey.lives]

being used up isn't about how much sex you've had, it's about how much pain or damage a person's been through, is how i think. I think you can also be in a long term relationship ...and not be married.... and done all the porn star moves and still be used up.

[RedRobin]

Exactly, I know that feeling. What I'm mostly interested in is why if you reverse the situation it wouldn't matter. Your gf wouldn't feel exactly the same way if she meets 5 girls who slept with you, she would feel other emotions, jealousy may be etc but not exactly what you felt. That's why women don't care about how many girls their guys slept it, it wouldn't make the sex less special for her wheres with guys is the opposite.

So, the question we need to ask is, why when you sleep with a promiscuous girl it feels that the sex is not that special and when girls sleep with a promiscuous men, they would never feel that. With the girls, the less partners they had the more precious they are, virgin being the most precious and special. This is how man instinctively (not logically) feel about the situation.

I'm just wondering why is that? I gave my theories above why, but was attacked lol

 

 

How do you know how women feel? Women who don't like promiscuous men would feel exactly the same as men who don't like promiscuous women.

 

 

I don't understand why you insist on making this a gender issue [off-topic and pejorative language redacted]

 

I'll tell you what... I've taken a ton of shyte here for not wanting to date a guy who has had even ONE FWB type relationship. Why do you think that is?? I'll tell you why... I don't want a guy who can repeatedly have sex with a woman he doesn't give a crap about... whether its one time or many times.

 

 

The only difference between me and some of the a-holes who have tried to date me... I don't believe in having FWB myself. Lots of dirtbags who tried to lie their way into my life had the same beliefs as you... that casual sex is ok for them, but not for the women they'd commit to.

Edited August 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Reduced the inflammatory language a bit.

[Phoe]

If people want to have casual sex, then they should! If people don't want to, then they shouldn't.

 

And people should also be free to prefer a partner that fits into whatever lifestyle choice they've made in terms of casual sex. I'm not into casual, and have always preferred men that are the same. Just a certain like-mindedness that makes me feel like we're probably on the same page.

 

But no one is right or wrong for doing what they prefer. Do what you like, and accept that others might like doing something different. They may not be compatible with you, due to that difference, but it does not make them bad.

[regine_phalange]

Maybe men who show women a genuinely good time in bed don't see women who have ONS as used. And maybe the men who are more selfish in bed see women as "victims" of ONS and desperate. Maybe.

[gen66]

Maybe men who show women a genuinely good time in bed don't see women who have ONS as used. And maybe the men who are more selfish in bed see women as "victims" of ONS and desperate. Maybe.

 

That makes a lot of sense by the way, good point.

[regine_phalange]

At the end of the day we all want to be respected and have a good time. So what if the sex only happened once? What if circumstances and personal issues leave it at that; a one night stand? Does it automatically make it a bad experience?

 

I never had a one night stand, but if I happened to have one with someone who's respectful, and fun, and giving, even for one night, I'd pick it over a long term relationship with someone who's not these things.

[DJOkawari]

There are guys who try to lie about it, but it always comes out. Usually in the pressure they apply to have sex ASAP or their inability to establish any authentic intimacy. One wonders.

 

I'm glad you are open to the idea that if this person wasn't pressuring you about sex and was trying to have authentic intimacy, you'd overlook their past. Or at least that's how I'm interpreting it (am I correct?). If so, I agree 100% in that sense. For me, part of that intimacy is owning up to your past and closing the door on things that would harm your new relationship. Though I admit that isn't really a novel concept.

Edited August 15, 2015 by DJOkawari