Why most men think that girls who had few/many One Night Stands were generally 'used'

August 11, 2015

I think where we are hiccuping is the assumption that because I didn't sleep all over, I wasn't as sexual. Or that because women don't tend to sleep all over (or are not honest about it) they do not have the same desire for sex or thoughts about it.

I can tell you that as nice as I was and as virginal as I was prior to marriage....I THOUGHT about sex a LOT. I wanted it. I couldn't wait until it was religiously legal to have it. I just didn't indulge every urge because I chose to have self control.

It is the same today. I have thought about sex quite a few times today. I'll probably think about it tonight. BUT because I have self control and I know I want it to have meaning, I'm not gonna go out and find some guy who will say "yes" to sex.

I am very very sexual. I just have self-control. So unless you are implying that men do not have enough character as a gender to choose self-control, I still say the double standard is a cop out to justify hypocrisy and reckless behavior.

August 11, 2015

When you sleep with 20, 50, 100 partners, what you are doing is experiencing and then dismissing or ignoring that bonding wiring. One might argue that if you have ignored it that many times....can you still feel it as acutely?

I can assure you that I still feel it as acutely, as does my wife.

August 11, 2015

When you sleep with 20' date=' 50, 100 partners, what you are doing is experiencing and then dismissing or ignoring that bonding wiring. One might argue that if you have ignored it that many times....can you still feel it as acutely?[/quote']

I can assure you that I still feel it as acutely, as does my wife.

Yeah, was gonna say same. And I can (and do) differentiate between bonding sex and primal sex or whatever you want to call it. Also both with my romantic partners - some bouts are all about the gaz, others are all about cuddling and nesting.

Just bc central and I say that doesn't mean it's universal but it does mean it happens.

I can tell you that as nice as I was and as virginal as I was prior to marriage....I THOUGHT about sex a LOT. I wanted it. I couldn't wait until it was religiously legal to have it. I just didn't indulge every urge because I chose to have self control.
I'll crack you yet!

August 11, 2015

Yeah, was gonna say same. And I can (and do) differentiate between bonding sex and primal sex or whatever you want to call it. Also both with my romantic partners - some bouts are all about the gaz, others are all about cuddling and nesting.

Just bc central and I say that doesn't mean it's universal but it does mean it happens.

I'll crack you yet!

That was a legit like

August 12, 2015

I find that men with sexual double standards tend to be hypocrites in other areas of their life as well.

I know those men have a 'do unto others as much as I can get away with' mentality, and have a pretty twisted rational for justifying all kinds of behavior they wouldn't tolerate in others. Not just for sex. Lots are dishonest too.

I find them severely integrity challenged in more ways than one... And well, probably don't like women as people much.

So, I guess it isn't surprising that the OPs thoughts turn to how women are 'used' because he doesn't have a habit of valuing women himself. Projecting a bit?

August 12, 2015

So yes, just because we are different, it kinda of is ok for men to sleep around but for women not.

Nah, not really. In modern societies, women with few sexual partners are less likely to date men with dozens. A few are okay with that, but many are not.

Btw, you still haven't answered my question. Why ask a question when you are only interested in arguing your viewpoint instead of listening to answers?

August 12, 2015

Why women don't feel the same way about guys? Why woman wouldn't feel bad about a guy who gave his most intimate easily with a prostitute or any other girl. Why girls don't care about the number of partners? Because we are different.

Are you sure you can speak for women? or Am I the only exception here? I hold the same standards toward men.

I don't want to be with a man who used to sleep around. is it just me?

August 12, 2015

Are you sure you can speak for women? or Am I the only exception here? I hold the same standards toward men.

I don't want to be with a man who used to sleep around. is it just me?

Nope, not just you. I'm a woman with few previous partners and I prefer a man who is similar to me in that regard, too.

August 12, 2015

I find that men with sexual double standards tend to be hypocrites in other areas of their life as well.

I know those men have a 'do unto others as much as I can get away with' mentality, and have a pretty twisted rational for justifying all kinds of behavior they wouldn't tolerate in others. Not just for sex. Lots are dishonest too.

I find them severely integrity challenged in more ways than one... And well, probably don't like women as people much.

So, I guess it isn't surprising that the OPs thoughts turn to how women are 'used' because he doesn't have a habit of valuing women himself. Projecting a bit?

haha okay Sherlock, hold on a sec here haha

I'm honest and I love women. Not sure about your theory, kind of generalizing much. One view doesn't make me have flaws on all other areas in my life lol. Most men if asked would say : I want to be with many women as possible and I prefer my wife to have as little as possible. Ask them. Make a poll. Let me know.

I do value women and women being used by men for sex only doesn't have anything to do with my respect towards women. You never met a scenario where a woman wanted a serious relationship, but the guy fooled her a and used her for sex only? That's not being used? Get a reality check Sherlock.

August 12, 2015

The good thing about this day and age is that women have more of a choice in terms of electing a sexual partner for long, short or very short term. This debate is mostly outdated in metropolitan cities where there is an understanding that men and women can act whichever they like without anyone batting an eyelid. IMO, gone are the days when could sleep with whoever they like in all impunity and be considered studs while women would get all giddy with excitement at the mere sign of a guy showing half and interest. Ppl are free to express their sexuality in the most fulfilling way for them. IMO, it has never stopped anyone finding a like-minded, or at least an accepting partner abyway, As long as noone is being duped, obvs.

August 12, 2015

Most men if asked would say : I want to be with many women as possible and I prefer my wife to have as little as possible. Ask them. Make a poll. Let me know.

How do you know that? You're the one who's making an assertion, so it's your job to support it with evidence. We don''t just assume random things are so unless someone can disprove them.

I come from the 'many partners' side of the fence and even I can tell you that there are a lot of guys out there who aren't in it just to rack up numbers, and there are some who are even offended at the thought.

August 12, 2015

You never met a scenario where a woman wanted a serious relationship, but the guy fooled her a and used her for sex only? That's not being used? Get a reality check Sherlock.

I fail to see what this has to do with the WOMAN being damaged. Sounds more like a damaged (and morally bankrupt) MAN to me. Just because men do it doesn't mean it is right.

No one here is going to convince you that your condescending, misogynistic (and I NEVER use that word), and faulty logic is faulty.

But it is.

August 12, 2015

For me, whether it is a male or female, I would wonder if the promiscuous person would be able go without the large variety of sexual partners they have become accustomed to.

In other words, I would be concerned about their ability to be content with one sexual partner for the rest of their life.

Would boredom eventually set in?

There are going to be worries no matter what the person's past. If they've had only a few partners, will they be able to be faithful, or will they start wondering what else is out there?

No matter their past, you have to trust your partner.

IMO, whether boredom sets in depends a lot more on you and how you meet your partner's needs than it does on their past.

August 12, 2015

Further thoughts - What was wrong with this girl with the ONS that she couldn't get a relationship?

Maybe something. Maybe nothing.

Maybe she just has very high standards for a relationship, and isn't going to commit until she finds a man who meets them.

No-one can convince me that we are happier with ONS and single rather then in a relationship, we are the happiest in a relationship. It's just how we are designed, there's nothing more satisfying than having sex with a person you care and love and trust and know, it's the best experience ever.

TO YOU.

Others may disagree.

Some people ARE happier single.

Some people ARE happier with casual sex.

So, what's her issues that the only thing she can get is an instant one night satisfaction with a stranger rather then bond with a quality man and be truly happy? What's her issues? That's why I would stay away may be, there are some issues....Issues that are preventing her from achieving her potential to be truly happy in a relationship....

EVERYONE has issues. Not a single person in the world comes baggage-free. The only way you learn about someone's issues is getting to know them. Find out if her issues are compatible with yours.

August 12, 2015

Problem is that she gave her most intimate and precious to a person she doesn't know, this speaks for herself and her values and how she perceives sex and her body. As nothing special. That's the whole issue, if you give your most intimate and private to a stranger without much effort from his side, you are basically lowering your value, you are cheap.

Depends on how you define "most intimate and precious" - if you are referring to her vagina, then yes. If you are referring to the REAL HER, her true self, her vulnerable open trusting self, then no, she hasn't given that to anyone.

But YES - it does likely speak for her values. She isn't someone who believes sex is only for committed relationships. It's not CHEAP - it's just different.

Even so, it doesn't have to speak for her values. There are women who desperately want relationships, who are just misguided in how to get them. Or who are so lonely, they settle for ONS just to feel someone's arms around them for one night.

Again - generalities are bad.

For me if I sleep with girl who gave sex to guys many times easily, I would feel like I'm getting a leftover, that it's not worth investing my time in it.

But you've slept with other girls, right? So if you meet a virgin girl, should she feel that way about you? That you are just someone else's leftovers?

Why woman wouldn't feel bad about a guy who gave his most intimate easily with a prostitute or any other girl. Why girls don't care about the number of partners? Because we are different. It all comes from girls GIVE sex, men WANT sex. There is a reason why if a man goes on the street and asks 100 women for sex as in "would you like to have sex with me, now' he would most probably get 100 rejections. The reverse situation a girl would get most YES, let's do it. There is a reason for this to happen and it's not only about social programming, part of this social programming comes naturally from the needs and the nature of a woman. It's not like she really wants it but she says NO because of social morals etc. It just doesn't feel natural and normal as per her nature. That's the main reason.

OMG.

This is just utter bs.

There are plenty of women who WANT sex. They don't want sex by going around asking 100 random men though. They choose the men they want to sleep with.

Just like Phoe, she was horny, she is very sexual, but didn't give it in easily to the first hot guy who asked her to go to his place, she went for serious partners. She instantly earns the respect of all men just because of that. Her value is good compared to girl a who gave it easily many times.

Phoe is a smart and strong cookie. She knows what she wants and doesn't mind waiting for it. All people are different though.

Look - if you have a value that sex if for committed relationships only, and you expect any potential partner of yours to share that value, that's fine. Look for women who have never had ONS. Great. But it isn't necessary to assign all these judgments to women who have done it, or to ASSUME their psychological condition when they did. Just say "not for me" and move on.

And make sure you live your own life by your values. No ONS, no casual sex. That way, you aren't being hypocritical.

August 12, 2015

. Logically I can agree, morals should be morals for everyone and both genders but since both genders display different characteristics, including on a sexual level, why would we apply same sexual morals for both genders?
Morals in this case are dictated by the reality, men have a more natural need to sleep with many women so it's okay, women do not have a very natural need to sleep with as many men possible, so it's not okay.

So who are the men sleeping with then? All those "used, damaged, slutty, cheap" women while they wait for their chaste virgin to come along?

Sorry, but that is as immoral as you can get, and completely effed up.

Basically telling a woman that she is good enough to f***, but not good enough to build a life with.

Blech.

Simple as that. OR you want to tell me that women have this natural need to sleep as many men possible, and they are natural hunters, and don't care about the guy as long as they get their sexual needs satisfied?

MOST women do not have a natural need to sleep with as many men as possible. (Although I've known a couple who seem to be that way haha) But women do have a natural desire for sex. And some women prioritize fulfilling that desire over waiting for Mr. Right. And other women have no desire to find Mr. Right because she likes her life as is. And other women believe they are trying to find Mr. Right by sleeping with Mr. Right Now over and over. And other women have very strict standards for Mr. Right and are fully aware that they may never find him, but don't want to live a celibate life.

DOesn't make sense to apply same morals in this scenario

For every guy who sleeps with a woman, there is a woman who sleeps with a man. There is every reason to apply the same morals. Sex involves TWO PEOPLE, in this case, of different genders.

August 12, 2015

Well, you do think completely like a woman. I don't know why but at my current stage in my life I share absolutely the same views about sex, I'm definitely not an ONS guy, I want to be intimate, to get to know the person, to have deep and satisfying relation. Also I feel like the more the sex is casual and the more people you do it with, it becomes cheaper and it affects your sexuality in a negative way. Also, I always had problems sleeping with women and feeling good about it after, it felt as if I satisfied an instant need but it had also brought negative effects with this.

So if you meet a woman, and ask her if she has had casual sex, and she says yes, and you ask her why, what if the bolded is her answer? Or what if she tells you that no, it was fun, because she wants you to believe she is a wild child since that is what she thinks men want, and LATER, she admits that she hated the way she felt after casual sex, and learned it wasn't for her?

And what if she would have been the best wife EVER, but you never gave her a shot because you walked away after she answered YES to the first question?

This is what I mean about treating people as individuals, not generalizations.

August 12, 2015

Are you sure you can speak for women? or Am I the only exception here? I hold the same standards toward men.

I don't want to be with a man who used to sleep around. is it just me?

I wouldn't feel that way about a man who slept around. But a prostitute? That is beyond my comfort zone.

Note: I have no issue with prostitutes or with men who sleep with them. I just wouldn't choose to date them.

August 12, 2015

I fail to see what this has to do with the WOMAN being damaged. Sounds more like a damaged (and morally bankrupt) MAN to me. Just because men do it doesn't mean it is right.

No one here is going to convince you that your condescending, misogynistic (and I NEVER use that word), and faulty logic is faulty.

But it is.

Well listen, I don't know how old are you, but you seem quite immature, just because you don't agree with my point of view which was expressed in a very professional manner, you don't need to use words as a misogynistic , which may be you don't even know the full meaning of, since it definitely doesn't apply to me or my logic.

Just because I don't agree with your opinion, I don't call it : stupid, shallow, immature, feministic etc. Just chill out Your answers speak volumes about yourself.

August 12, 2015

How do you know that? You're the one who's making an assertion, so it's your job to support it with evidence. We don''t just assume random things are so unless someone can disprove them.

I come from the 'many partners' side of the fence and even I can tell you that there are a lot of guys out there who aren't in it just to rack up numbers, and there are some who are even offended at the thought.

I'm a man and have been a man my entire life, meaning I have more information about how other men think than most women here, my job also requires meeting lots of new people and talking with them. I know how MOST men think, I don't need to make a poll. I'm just telling you the reality, go ask them if you don't believe me, I don't have to convince myself in something I already know haha If you don't agree, it's fine, just don't kill the messenger. I believe no matter how many partners you had, you can't compare this to my hanging out with lots of guys, , men circles , man talk during my entire life.

Edited August 12, 2015 by gen66

August 12, 2015

Depends on how you define "most intimate and precious" - if you are referring to her vagina, then yes. If you are referring to the REAL HER, her true self, her vulnerable open trusting self, then no, she hasn't given that to anyone.

But YES - it does likely speak for her values. She isn't someone who believes sex is only for committed relationships. It's not CHEAP - it's just different.

Even so, it doesn't have to speak for her values. There are women who desperately want relationships, who are just misguided in how to get them. Or who are so lonely, they settle for ONS just to feel someone's arms around them for one night.

If her understanding is that the body and the intimate sexual emotions one feels aren't something precious and special then ok, it is different indeed, but I'm also allowed to fully judge such a person. What's wrong with judging? Aren't u judging crazy people, psychopaths, killers? They are also different. Every human is allowed to judge for whatever they want. This is how we filter out what we don't want, it's natural.

Well I don't care what are these women's motives are behind sleeping with 107 men. Daddy issues, desperate, misguided etc. It doesn't matter. Action is action and it's the most important. I judge on actions. Many women also have daddy issues, misguided etc but choose not to. Respect. I can give a huge list of why a killer kills, would you look positively at this person? Bad childhood, mistreat, confused etc. Action are actions. The reason behind a certain action is not that important in these specific cases. I'm not gonna marry a prostitute because she was confused and misguided and wanted attention and intimacy and decided to **** 356 men, thank you

August 12, 2015

So who are the men sleeping with then? All those "used, damaged, slutty, cheap" women while they wait for their chaste virgin to come along?

Basically telling a woman that she is good enough to f***, but not good enough to build a life with.

Well, I'm sorry but no man will refuse sex with a hot escort, but they will never build a life with her. Come on, seriously :D That's reality. There are many reverse cases where women apply this thing to men. Not in a sexual way though. What's wrong with that?

August 12, 2015

So if you meet a woman, and ask her if she has had casual sex, and she says yes, and you ask her why, what if the bolded is her answer? Or what if she tells you that no, it was fun, because she wants you to believe she is a wild child since that is what she thinks men want, and LATER, she admits that she hated the way she felt after casual sex, and learned it wasn't for her?

And what if she would have been the best wife EVER, but you never gave her a shot because you walked away after she answered YES to the first question?

This is what I mean about treating people as individuals, not generalizations.

IF she gives me the bolded answer, respect, I will give full chance for this relationship. But if she is proud if it, I will raise a red flag. I never judge so fast haha, why did you get this impression?

August 12, 2015

Well, I'm sorry but no man will refuse sex with a hot escort, but they will never build a life with her. Come on, seriously :D That's reality.

Your reality.

While you said above that you know men better than others here do, I promise you that there are men who refuse sex with a “hot escort.” You apparently just don’t know them, or they have not bothered to correct you or contradict you when you say these things.

My BF, a 60 year old retired military officer who lived with and listened to men yack about women and sex for years on ships, laughs at how they’d BS and talk big. He and other guys wouldn’t call them on it. They’d just walk away shaking their heads or laughing at them- especially the younger men with bravado who talked big about knowing all about men and women and the way the world is. That’s a factor to consider- many of the men who hear you aren’t telling you what they think.

Anyway, I consider users more despicable than the people they use. And the men I know do too.

August 12, 2015

Your reality.

While you said above that you know men better than others here do, I promise you that there are men who refuse sex with a “hot escort.” You apparently just don’t know them, or they have not bothered to correct you or contradict you when you say these things.

My BF, a 60 year old retired military officer who lived with and listened to men yack about women and sex for years on ships, laughs at how they’d BS and talk big. He and other guys wouldn’t call them on it. They’d just walk away shaking their heads or laughing at them- especially the younger men with bravado who talked big about knowing all about men and women and the way the world is. That’s a factor to consider- many of the men who hear you aren’t telling you what they think.

Anyway, I consider users more despicable than the people they use. And the men I know do too.

Well, make a poll for single guys, you will see the results, what I said is valid for most but not ALL men. also, I hate guys who use girls only for sex, for me they r full of insecurities and bs.

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Why most men think that girls who had few/many One Night Stands were generally 'used'

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