"I'm single by choice!" male vs female excuse

[SammySammy]

if a man tells me "I'm single by choice", I run, I don't ask any questions.

 

 

Why?

 

What does that mean to you?

[Phoe]

Right, I guess if you use the homeless man as an example, although very extreme, the "I'm single by choice" would apply.

 

I recall on POF an early 40s woman, said she was in "Entertainment Media", VERY attractive, Christian woman. She was stating she was looking for a Christian man, involved in her church and volunteers at the church's nursery.

 

The woman is drop dead gorgeous, almost flawless, very professional looking, not sleezy at all. Apparently, she was a personal trainer, too as she had one photo of her in gym attire, although it was a halter top and spandex shorts, in a professional looking photo. I'm guessing she was a news anchor or something since she's in the media.

 

Said she had been unattached and even had not dated, in say like 10 years! She said there ARE single men in her church singles group, but none of them are good enough for her, but her friends of the secular variety told her of POF and there she went.

 

She even lived in a major city and even at some of the volunteer venues or out with friends, although she met single men, they were never to her liking...never good enough and thus her reason for being online.

 

Found it hard to believe she would even NEED to go online.

 

Obviously single by choice, but when I hear "single by choice" chances are she gets asked out constantly like this one, but turns down a lot of men..but hey, at least they weren't homeless, cat-calling, drug using alcoholics, right? lol

 

This reminds me of a friend of mine I recently wrote about in another thread.

 

Never dated, never had a boyfriend. Regretted losing her virginity in her early 20's to a longtime friend who ended up using her.

 

All in all, not single by choice.

 

She is stunning. Athletic yet curvy, tall and slim, dark curly hair, bright green eyes, perfect skin and teeth. Amazing personality, vivacious, incredibly intelligent and funny as f**k.

 

She intimidated the crap out of me when I first met her. I remember being stunned when I learned of her dateless life, and she was a virgin at that time. I didn't understand it. I wondered why men weren't banging the door down.

 

Eventually I stopped thinking that way. I looked at my own lack of dating opportunities and saw that despite being nowhere near her in looks and personality, our dating lives weren't all that different. I was single for 6 years after wasting my time on 2 shortlived and pointless relationships, and other than those 2, I would've been no different than her at the time that I met her.

 

People automatically assume that a woman surely has options and has men pursuing them all the time, and I was shocked at myself for even thinking that about her. I know better than that.

[GemmaUK]

if a man tells me "I'm single by choice", I run, I don't ask any questions.

 

 

Ditto. because if I (not that I would even ask that question as I think it's really too much and so intrusive unless you're good friends) heard that was his reason I wouldn't think he would want to date so he would be a waste of time if I were looking to date and wanted to date him.

[candie13]

to me, it means "I'm single, I like it that way and I intend to stay that way". Like... he had the chance to be in a RS but turned it down because single is more suitable to him / better / more exciting. Like... he's more than self sufficient.

 

I enjoy being single a lot, but I still prefer the company of a fascinating man, overall . I prefer sharing my desert rather than having it by myself etc etc. Not all the time, but still...

 

Single by choice makes me think of those close minded spinsters who want things done their way and ideally by themselves. I shiver only thinking about it.

[wb1988]

Single by choice makes me think of those close minded spinsters who want things done their way and ideally by themselves. I shiver only thinking about it.

 

You know the feeling when someone calls you out on a lie, yeah I think I felt a little of that when reading that statement.

[candie13]

You know the feeling when someone calls you out on a lie, yeah I think I felt a little of that when reading that statement.

 

lying always catches up with a person. being called out on a lie sucks .

 

I like being single, I think I'm happily single. I still think I prefer being in a happy relationship, though. I've been in some. I vastly prefer the second .

[ltjg45]

Basically, when I hear people say they are "single by choice", I wouldn't look at it as any different than those who is single not by choice. Perhaps some wants to remain permanently single and has no interest to get into a relationship and there is some that wants to get into a relationship but not with just anyone.

 

There is always relationships out there to enter into. I have seen penniless, 5-children, deadbeat ugly guys (who is also criminals) get into relationships with women so I know if I want a relationship, I can certainly find one.

 

And I certainly want a relationship. I would be better off being in a relationship than being single.

 

Now you would ask me why I am not in one? It's simple, really.

 

I simply hasn't met an attractive woman (to me) that is also interested in me. I may get some clues that a nearby woman has interest in me but after looking at him, I have no desire to approach her and that is because I am not physically attracted to her so there is nothing to be gained from it.

 

I have seen some attractive women but they are either in a relationship or have no interest in me.

 

So until I find an attractive woman that is also interested in me, I have no shame remaining single and making it known to anyone who asks and I hope the single women does the same.

[wb1988]

I like being single, I think I'm happily single. I still think I prefer being in a happy relationship, though. I've been in some. I vastly prefer the second .

 

It's actually black and white, you're either single or in a relationship (or sorts). I think when people say "I like being single" it sounds like they prefer to not be in a relationship because if you preferred to be in a relationship then you'd say that you "don't like being single".

[candie13]

It's actually black and white, you're either single or in a relationship (or sorts). I think when people say "I like being single" it sounds like they prefer to not be in a relationship because if you preferred to be in a relationship then you'd say that you "don't like being single".

 

oooh, ok, now I understand your comment. The way I see it, it's similar to how you like your food. Sometimes you do the groceries and make yourself a little creative salad and buy some wine and have a lovely evening listening to some nice music with your favorite show in the background. But other times.... you go to this really lovely restaurant who has delicious gourmet food and great light and amazing view... Sure, it's pricey, it's far away and it usually takes some effort to get reservations there.... but it's worth it. You still enjoy both scenarios, but one def prefers one option to the other one.

 

I really do like both. I mean, yeah, occasionally dating gets a bit boring, but I generally like my dance classes and drinking with the gals and spending all my holidays with my mom and dad and on yoga retreats and architecture trips that I get to decide. Not all people who prefer RS absolutely hate being single.

[No Limit]

I would say that I'm single by choice simply because I don't bother pursuing folks actively, which I guess is a choice too. If I bump into someone nice someday and we hit it off, great, but I have no desire to actively play the field because I have better things to do than having to persuade guys that I'm really single and not a cheating b!tch trying to get impregnated for child support. I'll wait until the animosity/paranoia between the sexes is over. Or perhaps I'll wait until guys my age earn enough to afford Starbucks coffee (their own; I don't want or need him to pay for my stuff).

[LookAtThisPOst]

This reminds me of a friend of mine I recently wrote about in another thread.

 

Never dated, never had a boyfriend. Regretted losing her virginity in her early 20's to a longtime friend who ended up using her.

 

All in all, not single by choice.

 

She is stunning. Athletic yet curvy, tall and slim, dark curly hair, bright green eyes, perfect skin and teeth. Amazing personality, vivacious, incredibly intelligent and funny as f**k.

 

She intimidated the crap out of me when I first met her. I remember being stunned when I learned of her dateless life, and she was a virgin at that time. I didn't understand it. I wondered why men weren't banging the door down.

 

Eventually I stopped thinking that way. I looked at my own lack of dating opportunities and saw that despite being nowhere near her in looks and personality, our dating lives weren't all that different. I was single for 6 years after wasting my time on 2 shortlived and pointless relationships, and other than those 2, I would've been no different than her at the time that I met her.

 

People automatically assume that a woman surely has options and has men pursuing them all the time, and I was shocked at myself for even thinking that about her. I know better than that.

 

Unfortunately, a lot of people see a person like that and think "WTF is wrong with them that LEAST they don't have a boyfriend?"

 

But, I think this is geography, I'm totally guessing that you'd see this in major metropolitan areas where the population pretty high and the availability of singles is pretty high, too.

 

I think the smaller the city gets, the more people look at such a person in that fashion.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You know the feeling when someone calls you out on a lie, yeah I think I felt a little of that when reading that statement.

 

I think that those women that say this and mean it are going through a period in their life where they aren't "boy" crazy at this point.

 

I go to these Meetups and see them there, both men and women flirting and talking to each other...on the prowl for their future someone. Sometimes you see these same people on online dating sites.

 

The more incognito ones are busying their lives with their kids activities pretty much through high school. Be it ballet recitals, soccer practice, soccer games...just basically being their raising them until...once again..the urge comes back when they become an empty nester.

[Eggplant]

In general, people at large are far too intrusive and judgmental about everybody else's private lives. They're denigrating single people or arrogantly feeling sorry for them without knowing anything. Meanwhile, they're picking apart the relationships of people who are not single.

[Toodaloo]

It's actually black and white, you're either single or in a relationship (or sorts). I think when people say "I like being single" it sounds like they prefer to not be in a relationship because if you preferred to be in a relationship then you'd say that you "don't like being single".

 

Can't someone be happy in both?

 

Isn't that a sign of a content well adjusted person?

 

For what its worth I do not know anyone who "looks down" on the men I know who are single by choice. They are single, they are happy and that is the beginning and end of the story. There is no discussion or conversation about it. They just do not want to be in a relationship with anyone. They are happy on their own.

 

Perhaps its because they are happy in who they are and confident in who they are that makes the difference. They truely want to be single so they are not out chasing tail etc... They have purpose to their lives and they get on with life.

 

There is a very big difference between a man that is single who has made that choice and happy being so and a man who has problems, for what ever reason, with the opposite sex and chooses to be single because he can't deal or cope with it.

 

I don't know any women in the same position as the men I know as they are all happy being single but do wish to enhance their lives by being with another person.

[misspond]

To be honest the phrase, "I'm happy being single", is a means to an end. There are people who are happy single (because they may have been burned once a little too often), there are those who would rather not be single but have found themselves thus and have decided to embrace it ("I'm happy being single") rather than complain that they can't find anyone. It's a much more positive way to feel in the face of adversity. And then there are all the shades of that inbetween.