lmato Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Hi all, some of you will remember my story. For others the link to original thread is: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/508919-really-all-my-fault On my last entry to LS I thought I was done for good with her. Yet, she reeled me in somehow. Very soon same old pattern emerged. Distancing, silent treatments at a slightest mention of our problems and D. I felt as a doormat knowing that she always finds time for everybody else. Fights were something special. She would blame it all on me and then either go silent or rage. Apologies were never accepted and she did not find it relevant to apologize for her mistakes. The culmination of negativity happened over past 3-4 weeks. She kept ignoring my pleas to talk about D and our problems. All she did was repeating that she wants us to go somewhere for a vacation and that I should take that as a sign of her seriousness. Although I wanted this vacation I wanted first to have a convo about our issues. For this I was given storm and accusations of being manipulative, lying as well as number of other insults. Week ago she organised some informal gathering for few of our work colleagues. I was invited and asked whether we can meet before or later to talk. Response was something like "absolutely out of question because of your earlier behaviour". I paused for a moment thinking what did I do wrong when all I did was trying to end fight and talk with her. It felt as slap in my face so I said that I will not come to the dinner. Later that evening I was given huge portion of threats and insults. She said that no one humiliated her like this before, that it was foolish attempt to show strength, threatened to make me pay for this and that I will face the consequences both privately and at work. It was as if someone crazy is speaking with me. Since then we've been without contact. However, she kept playing her games. In our company we communicate a lot on viber and I cannot block her. She knows that and for past few days changes her profile pics into those of places where we were supposed to go for a vacation. As if she wants to say that she is enjoying her time and wants to hurt me. Our A was dragging on for 3.5 years now. Throughout this time I was the one trying to keep us together. On numerous occasions I felt like a doormat due to broken promises, lies and manipulation. And I was silent thinking that it is situation that is causing all of our problems and that things will get better when we start our life together. I also worked hard to sort out finances and be able to leave my M. She was familiar with all of this but kept complaining that I am fooling her around with my D. Yet, whenever I said that it would be much faster if we save together for our home and make a plan she would rage on me and accuse me of lying and being manipulative. I hope to have strength this time to finish this once and for all. But her recent behaviour made me think whether all the warnings of other people including LS forum members that she has some kind of mental disorder could be true and what is she capable of next? I do not have experience with such people but would love some insights from those of you who experienced or witnessed similar situation. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 She is a nutter. No contact. Detach. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Suggest you re-read your entire thread from Jan 2015 so you don't post the same sort of situation 1,2, 5 years from now. Follow the advice given originally. When will you tire of playing her game? It's already been years on end. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Aside from the affair component, she talks to and treats you like a child. Tell Ms Bossyboots you're done. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lmato Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 It is not about getting back together anymore. In few of our last conversations she sounded insane, threatening and insulting in a way I would never talk to enemy not to mention someone close. I've been in various situations but I never witnessed such rage. In two weeks time we are coming back from annual leave. If she remains in this mindset I am pretty sure she can make some public scene in office. I don't need that but I am not sure how to react. Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 She truly sounds like an awful person!! Get rid of her! She is using you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 She sounds like my MM's evil twin sister!! I feel your pain Most days all my energy goes into avoiding confrontation. Anything I say can and is used against me. Words gets twisted and manipulated daily. I have to tread very carefully or the eggs I walk on will break. My days are also filled with lots of apologies...me apologizing when I have no real clue why just to "keep the peace"...I'm no dr but I think my MM is a narcissist. Look it up. It doesn't get better. I think they get worse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 She is an insane person trying to make you think you're the one who's insane. You don't want to hear it but this girl is a complete nut job. Run, Forest, run!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 You might be dealing with a bunny boiler.. Ever seen fatal attraction? You need to watch it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
What_Did_I_Do Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 I reread your original post. Yikes, she is the female version of my MM! You've left your M to be with her but has she left hers yet (sorry if I missed it). If not, then she is spinning the situation to be your fault. If she hasn't left, chances are she won't. Prepare yourself to walk away...for good this time. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Really when people break up they ought to leave it at that. If you broke up and contacted her again she may have felt pressured to resume the relationship and therefore is even more unhappy in it. When you broke up and went no contact, who broke no contact first? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lmato Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 Really when people break up they ought to leave it at that. If you broke up and contacted her again she may have felt pressured to resume the relationship and therefore is even more unhappy in it. When you broke up and went no contact, who broke no contact first? We had several major breakups lasting for more than a month. She would be one coming to me each time and promising things will be different, saying how she realises it was wrong to take me for granted and speaking about our future. However, it was more of a game approach. She used to throw baits for weeks and few times for several months. When I would break silence and ask what is it that she wants she would open the topic about relationship full of sweet words and huge promises all of which would last until the moment she realizes she has me. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 We had several major breakups lasting for more than a month. She would be one coming to me each time and promising things will be different, saying how she realises it was wrong to take me for granted and speaking about our future. However, it was more of a game approach. She used to throw baits for weeks and few times for several months. When I would break silence and ask what is it that she wants she would open the topic about relationship full of sweet words and huge promises all of which would last until the moment she realizes she has me. She sure has some issues, perhaps serious insecurity issues, and BPD (borderline personality disorder). I dated a lady who was similar, but not as bad, and that broke us apart, permanently. It's almost impossible to live with such swings and never know what the next day brings. One day can be lovey dovie and great and the next all hell breaks loose. Ya just can't live that way. Her first order of business should be to get professional help on solving that kind of personality. And your first order of business might be to make sure she does…. otherwise, it will make for a miserable life. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Yeah, unfortunately she has problems. I would send her a goodbye email with a referral to a mental health professional and go no contact forever. You've already said your goodbyes in person no doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 It is not about getting back together anymore. In few of our last conversations she sounded insane, threatening and insulting in a way I would never talk to enemy not to mention someone close. I've been in various situations but I never witnessed such rage. In two weeks time we are coming back from annual leave. If she remains in this mindset I am pretty sure she can make some public scene in office. I don't need that but I am not sure how to react. Be proactive and preemptive. Go to HR and file a sexual harassment complaint. You will probably need to give them the past history, else your credibility will be demolished eventually. Do it before she accuses you - which she may. Then, if she confronts you at work, pull out your cell phone and video/record it, so there is no question about what was said. Try to have witnesses. And do NOT react or respond - stay silent and just record. Do not agree or disagree with anything she says. And be very careful how you handle it if she becomes physically aggressive or abusive - do not play her game. Link to post Share on other sites
bebzzzy Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Yeah, unfortunately she has problems. I would send her a goodbye email with a referral to a mental health professional and go no contact forever. You've already said your goodbyes in person no doubt. I dont see why he should have any desire to send her any more mails, messages or to engage in any sort of communication. Engagement in any kind of communication would give her signal that he is still there. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Well he could tell her that any further contact will be used to support a restraining order. Edit: which I highly recommend... Or at least forcefully saying I want nothing to do with you, I don't love you, do not ever contact me again, etc. Edited August 11, 2015 by loveboid Misc Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 If she goes above and beyond what it called for in the office to make a scene. Remain calm and cool...she will look like the fool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lmato Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 I dont see why he should have any desire to send her any more mails, messages or to engage in any sort of communication. Engagement in any kind of communication would give her signal that he is still there. Well he could tell her that any further contact will be used to support a restraining order. I don't think that further communication even for this purpose would lead anywhere. It would lead to another fight and honestly I am not interested in another battle. Btw, I am trying to understand what is it that got me involved with someone like her in first place and made me pinning after her for such a long time. It is not that I was not warned and I knew that her behavior towards me is not right. I just dont get it. I used to be good in reading people, in every other aspect of my life I am very successful. How is it then that I let someone to treat me like a doormat for so long? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lmato Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 Another thing that puzzles me. She is not very active on forums, social networks etc. Lately she started openly attacking me for having a facebook or linkedin account. A single post about me being somewhere regardless of whether I am alone or with friends would lead to storm. Also, she used to complain on me not being able to switch off completely my phone for several days. I am managing department with more than 30 people and I have to be reachable at least through email. Why all of this? To isolate me from people or to test how high will I jump if she asks for it? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Be proactive and preemptive. Go to HR and file a sexual harassment complaint. As a willing participant in an affair or other relationship, you can't file sexual harassment charges. Or if you do, it won't stick. There's a 3.5 year affair , with evidence I'm sure that both were in it together. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Chronic, harmful manipulative behaving people have a leg up--they've practiced for years and are masters. They would get anybody, "healthy" , "strong" etc or not. I think people who say there's something wrong with you and it wouldn't have happened to them are fooling themselves. What I would do to prevent this from happening again is study up on manipulative behavior. It really opens your eyes. Being informed is best. Link to post Share on other sites
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