MsBlink Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Wow, I haven't been here in a loooooooong time! Regardless, here's what I want to say, and I'm totally open to comments/suggestions/questions... last time I wrote, I was bent out of shape about my boyfriend not being able to come see me. Well, this factor still has not changed and I've moved on. My thing now is whether or not I should move to be near him. I think my desire to prove independence is throwing a kink into our relationship--just three months ago I was totally up for the idea and was willing to do anything to make it happen. It's selfish to feel like one deserves something from another; but I'll admit that I feel like I deserve to have him make a change in his life to live closer to me. This is not saying we should move in together, as we both feel we need not do this (again) until we get married, but saying that I shouldn't have to change my life around to accommodate him. At least not in this situation...right now. When we did live together, it was great, but we appreciate it even more with the idea of marriage. Why is it that the woman seems to be the only one who makes the move? I've read of some guys moving their lives to be closer to their S/O, but hardly not as often as women. I keep tossing this "issue" around because I'm at a loss and would like to hear what others think. 21 month old relationship, two different states, one year of it long distance (as of yesterday), and a desire to be pyhsically closer...but with compromise...or something *shrugs*. That's the confusion kicking in...have at it! Link to post Share on other sites
JanieQP Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Hi MsBlink! I'm new here, so I don't know - how old you are, what the relationship was like so far, and ... more importantly ... what other sacrifices, changes etc. he's made for you in the relationship. And of course I should openly state that I have very strong feelings about moving for a man and personal experience with that, which will color anything I tell you. That said , from your post I'm not getting the vibe that he's as modern as you are or that he's putting the same focus on the relationship that you are. How would you feel if you woke up tomorrow and he wasn't in your life at all? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Maybe men just have different priorities than women, where work and success rate higher than a relationship in terms of what motivates them? A guy will move cross country to take a promotion that pays well, but won't readily move across country for a relationship promotion (unless he is threatened with loss of said relationship, and moves only to prevent the loss of it.) Is your relationship ok besides that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsBlink Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 how old you are: I'm 20 what the relationship was like so far: BEAUTIFUL! Very intellectually stimulating, honest, passionate, and intimate. and ...more importantly ... what other sacrifices, changes etc. he's made for you in the relationship: Since he is plays two sports at his university, and I'm a weekend student, it's very hard for both of us to see each other often. But, he's stood his ground with his feelings towards me when it comes to his father. His dad is not too thrilled about me because Virgil is willing to put things on hold (football/track practices) when we do see each other. His father wants him to be a pro athlete REAL bad, but Virgil is happy being a zoologist and spending time with me. I find this--since it's a sacrifice of having a successful relationship with his parent--to be a major sacrfice. And of course I should openly state that I have very strong feelings about moving for a man and personal experience with that, which will color anything I tell you. CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR YOU REASONS! How would you feel if you woke up tomorrow and he wasn't in your life at all? I would be extremely hurt...he's one of my best friends. My previous relationship WAS with my best guyfriend and once we broke up, there was a big gap in my spirit missing. I lost my best friend. But, time heals everything and I know I could recover if we did split up. I'd just hate to see it happen! We have so much respect for each other--and no fear of communicating--it would be sad to see something as pleasing as our relationship end so suddenly. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 I'm extremely new to the whole LDR thing..but being in the position I am right now I feel that any moves made in an LDR should be seriously discussed between both people. In my situation I have a child with an XH and I cannot leave the state because of custody issues. I'm in a relationship with an incredible guy who is 2200 miles away. We know that we are going to move forward with this and know that one of us has to move...he has nothing as strong as a child or anything holding him in the state that he is in so he has decided to move here with me and my daughter. But we have looked at all possibilities for what worked best for all concerned. I don't think it should be the guy or the girl that has to move it all is based on the situation. IMO. I think if you feel that you could move closer to him discuss it with him and see how he feels..all relationships take cooperation on both parts. Link to post Share on other sites
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