xMM leaving the country in 4 weeks... am I being to sensitive?

[wishful-thinking]

I was here some time in May, when it was hard to break free from the affair, and even tough it was finished, we would keep in touch from time to time as "friends" online. I couldn't cope however just being his friend, as I had feeling for him so I went NC with all the support from this forum.

 

3 weeks ago, we met at work, started talking.. He is moving to US in a month time and he told me his wife and their child is departing in few days to spend time with her family - (another continent) and they only will see each other again in a month time as well. He asked me out for a catch up drink and I agreed. I thought I was over the emotional turmoil and I will be able to handle it all. We decided to start seeing each other again... to spend last month together before he leaves UK for good. We promised we will cut contact when he departs, but we can now enjoy being together (how selfish... I know now ) Anyway, I only saw him twice.

 

When we were together, he wasn't that attentive as before, He didn't show me the same affection and I felt he misses his family. He rushed out from my place in the morning, without cuddles as before, he would avoid eye contact sometimes and wondered off in his mind... I started feeling so bad and guilty. He told me it was not easy for him as he misses his son so much and wished he was here with him. Every time he cuddled me he said he had his little boy picture in front of his eyes. Although I understood it all, I felt like there was something more than that. I couldn't connect with him anymore, like we did in the past. We talked about it and he said he is now a different man, that he has changed a lot, that his family is top priority but he liked me and wanted to spend this time together again. (He said I deserved it ). He said we could only be friends if I don't feel comfortable getting physical. I said to him that if I cannot feel the emotional connection to him, then I would rather not see him at all. I told him I will not be able to even talk to him as a friend, as it will be just an excuse for me to something deeper.

 

We had few things to exchange, so we did it shortly next day at work. I apologised that I reacted this way but he brushed it off and went back to his office. I never saw him since.

 

I am not sure why I am posting this, but I feel very overwhelmed with emotions. I miss him, as I know this would be the only opportunity to spend time together even as friends, but I feel bad as I am not strong enough and I wouldn't be able to feel OK if he is not getting close to me... in physical and emotional way. I feel so weak. His family is far away, he was in UK also only for secondment, so he doesn't have many friends here. I feel deep down that he is lonely now and I don't know why, but I feel so guilty about it!!! Can someone shed some light on me, as looks like I cannot think clearly at this moment in time. I miss him, but I know I would be the one hurting at the end of the day. I wish I was more relaxed to see him as friends only... but I am so scared it will all turned out so badly... Please help...

[SoleMate]

Mott to be a broken record but this is a great example of why strict no contact is so important. If you hadn't broken contact you would be closer to healing. Every time you hear his lies and manipulation. It sets you back. Very sorry for what you're going through

[lemondrop21]

I really feel for you. It's very hard when they pull away because they miss their family (or there's some other reason, you can never really know. Missing the family makes him sound like a great dad and who can argue with that?).

 

This quote really got me though: We talked about it and he said he is now a different man, that he has changed a lot, that his family is top priority but he liked me and wanted to spend this time together again. (He said I deserved it ).

 

He decided that you deserved some of his precious time before he ditches you for good? Wow, how generous of him to make that decision.