lovebug84 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Hi all, Maybe one of you can make sense of this cuz I sure can't! I have a guy friend of 10 years. We'll call him "T". T's always liked me more than a friend. I've only seen him as just a friend. Through all of our boyfriends/girlfriends over the last 10 years, we've remained in each others lives. T tried to date me after a relationship of mine ended in 2011. He was my shoulder to cry on but I just didn't have those feelings for him so I said no. He then moved to another part of the country for work. He visits once a year and we always meet up. Whenever I have a boyfriend when he's here he always says "be single next time I come!". And he always says "wait for me, ok?" Because he's moving back home this year. Fast forward to May of this year, he messaged me saying he's coming home in July for 2 weeks and he can't wait to see me. For the first time ever, I found myself giddy and extra excited to see him. These feelings came out of nowhere but I was finally happy to be on the same page (romantically) as he was. He texted me everyday doing a countdown of the days left, and we both sent a number of I miss you and I can't wait to see you texts. I made it obvious that I had feelings for him, and it was obvious that he still had feelings for me. July came and I picked him up from the airport and we went for breakfast and spent the day together. It was hands down the best day of my life. We laughed a ton, and he used every opportunity he had to stroke my hair, rub my back, put his arms around me etc. It was the first time we ever acted couple-y and it was amazing. 3 days later I saw him again and we went to lakeshore and walked around, this time he grabbed my hand and we walked hand in hand around the park and it was amazing. When I dropped him off he said I'd see him again soon because he had other places he wanted to go with me. He even said he wanted me to meet his family. And then....everything changed. He became less and less available, his texting lessened. He kept saying no to all of my proposals to see eachother (and he lives down the street from me). I didn't want to become annoying so I said ok you know where to find me. Then it was radio silence for an entire week (aka 50% of his trip). I was shocked, and confused. I was suppose to drop him off at the airport the following Saturday but after not hearing from him for an entire week, I felt like I shouldn't drive him. So when he messaged me "so how about that ride tomorrow?" I said "I was looking to be a bit more than just your airport ride, I'm gonna have to pass on this one". Especially because he didn't even acknowledge the week of silence! Then...this is how the rest of the convo went T: ok then... Me: I'm sorry, I don't want things ending badly or awkwardly. I'm just confused as to why week 1 and week 2 of your trip were SO different. T: Though things have ended, it's not awkward for me Me: When you say ended do you mean your trip, or a possibility of us? T: Possibility of us. I just think we want different things. I still want to be friends though. Me: Uh, no it's ok thanks. Take care T: Ok you too What the actual hell happened here????? All my family and friends who have been there with me through all this since the beginning cannot make sense of this! HE'S the one who did the countdown til he came here. HE's the one who initiated every single hand holding, touchy feely thing we did, HE'S the one who texted me saying he missed me both times I dropped him off. Why the change of heart?? And we never even talked about what we're "looking for" so when he said we want different things, what the hell did that mean??? Ughhh so confused. And there's been no contact since. He didn't even message me to say happy birthday 2 weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Well it seems like at the beginning, it all sounded fine and dandy to him but it may be an ego thing where he doesn't want to be the "scraps" after all your other relationships didn't work out. Also just like you weren't ready to be with him when he was, he might not want to start a full-blown relationship with you now that you're ready. Seems the timing has never been right for the both of you to be more than friends. On a positive note, he didn't string you along and it end up being a friends with benefits type thing. Some guys also just like the chase and once they know they "have you", it's no longer exciting/thrilling and they move on. Who knows. It could be any number of reasons but the fact remains, he doesn't want to pursue anything with you. If you can brush that aside and continue your friendship, great. If not, then I guess this is the end of the road. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Easy. He had feelings for you for ages. Then you had feelings for him and his desire changed. You two simply haven't been on the same wavelength throughout the entire process. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Hi all, Maybe one of you can make sense of this cuz I sure can't! I have a guy friend of 10 years. We'll call him "T". T's always liked me more than a friend. I've only seen him as just a friend. Through all of our boyfriends/girlfriends over the last 10 years, we've remained in each others lives. T tried to date me after a relationship of mine ended in 2011. He was my shoulder to cry on but I just didn't have those feelings for him so I said no. He then moved to another part of the country for work. He visits once a year and we always meet up. Whenever I have a boyfriend when he's here he always says "be single next time I come!". And he always says "wait for me, ok?" Because he's moving back home this year. Fast forward to May of this year, he messaged me saying he's coming home in July for 2 weeks and he can't wait to see me. For the first time ever, I found myself giddy and extra excited to see him. These feelings came out of nowhere but I was finally happy to be on the same page (romantically) as he was. He texted me everyday doing a countdown of the days left, and we both sent a number of I miss you and I can't wait to see you texts. I made it obvious that I had feelings for him, and it was obvious that he still had feelings for me. July came and I picked him up from the airport and we went for breakfast and spent the day together. It was hands down the best day of my life. We laughed a ton, and he used every opportunity he had to stroke my hair, rub my back, put his arms around me etc. It was the first time we ever acted couple-y and it was amazing. 3 days later I saw him again and we went to lakeshore and walked around, this time he grabbed my hand and we walked hand in hand around the park and it was amazing. When I dropped him off he said I'd see him again soon because he had other places he wanted to go with me. He even said he wanted me to meet his family. And then....everything changed. He became less and less available, his texting lessened. He kept saying no to all of my proposals to see eachother (and he lives down the street from me). I didn't want to become annoying so I said ok you know where to find me. Then it was radio silence for an entire week (aka 50% of his trip). I was shocked, and confused. I was suppose to drop him off at the airport the following Saturday but after not hearing from him for an entire week, I felt like I shouldn't drive him. So when he messaged me "so how about that ride tomorrow?" I said "I was looking to be a bit more than just your airport ride, I'm gonna have to pass on this one". Especially because he didn't even acknowledge the week of silence! Then...this is how the rest of the convo went T: ok then... Me: I'm sorry, I don't want things ending badly or awkwardly. I'm just confused as to why week 1 and week 2 of your trip were SO different. T: Though things have ended, it's not awkward for me Me: When you say ended do you mean your trip, or a possibility of us? T: Possibility of us. I just think we want different things. I still want to be friends though. Me: Uh, no it's ok thanks. Take care T: Ok you too What the actual hell happened here????? All my family and friends who have been there with me through all this since the beginning cannot make sense of this! HE'S the one who did the countdown til he came here. HE's the one who initiated every single hand holding, touchy feely thing we did, HE'S the one who texted me saying he missed me both times I dropped him off. Why the change of heart?? And we never even talked about what we're "looking for" so when he said we want different things, what the hell did that mean??? Ughhh so confused. And there's been no contact since. He didn't even message me to say happy birthday 2 weeks ago. You can write sincerely for clarification in a very polite easy non confrontation type email. Ir...you can do nothing. Right now...you look great and your self esteem and dignity are in tact. My gut is, he was into the chase. The 1st sign of interest and he did a 360. Think of it this way...you know all those times you just 'didnt see him that way"? That's what he is feeling now. Dont do anything. He will miss your friendship but you gotta allow lots of time for him to process that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 there are 3 possible explanations: 1- he is a PIG, some guys once they like a girl they fee l deep inside their brains that women should obey their appeal, That could be the case, he always wanted you for years and you rejected him, he could have felt the necessity of getting you the obey his desire at least once in his life, once he achieved that his interested in you faded. Did you sleep with him? if the answer is yes I would bet that hi is a PIG. if not it could be possibility #2 2- there is a possibility that he is too sensitive and something that you are not aware of happened which made him mad. maybe you said something that made him feel that he was just a last refuge after all your previous R failed, remember you rejected him for years 3- he always loved you but at some point lost hope of getting you so he was seeing someone else, when the opportunity to get with you came he took it just to realize the guilt of hurting the other person. Just in case possibility#2 is true you should reach out to him, and be honest with him, try to boost up his confidence, tell him that you were wrong not to realize the potential of a great love you guys could have had. no man wants to be on the shelve of a woman as a back up make sure he was never on the shelve and that you were just blind to not see it. don't let you egoo destroy what could possibly be a great love good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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