Boyfriend of 5 years got another girl pregnant!

[Hurtgirl22]

So my boyfriend of over 5 years cheated on me. Only happened once and he got the chick pregnant. She said she was going to get rid of it and told me all these dates and now she deleted me and pregnant so she kept it and didn't even have the decency of telling me. I'm so angry at him and her me and him have a child together who is 4. I don't no what to do Ino I can't stay knowing that she is keeping it. It hurts to much I just wanna cry forever but I keep holding it all in and he said he doesn't want anything to do with it. I'm so lost and scared I havnt been alone in so long I'm terrified I don't even no how to break it off or how or what I should do I need some serious advice !?! Or someone to talk to:'(

[nadine5]

That is absolutely horrible. I am so sorry.

 

I know you guys already have a kid together so of course, you need to try to be civil to each other for his or her sake for right now.

 

What is your relationship like? Were you planning on getting married? Are you living together? Has he cheated before? What's going on?

Edited August 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Hurtgirl22]

Well they both said the same thing I wouldn't see why they would lie now. We weren't intimate for awhile and this is the first time it ever happened. Are relationship is rocky & I didn't see marriage at all but I can't help but not wanna leave but it hurts to much to stay. Oh and yes we are living together have been for a few years.

[nadine5]

I could possibly forgive a one-time indiscretion if I had been with the person for five years and we lived together and had a kid together... but getting someone else pregnant is absolutely something I could not handle and I would have to get out of the relationship to repair myself. That is just my opinion and you are right to feel the way that you do.

 

How old are you guys?

[Hurtgirl22]

Ya I forgave him for cheating but another baby is throwing me off the edge. I can't do it I wish I could but knowing its out there I couldn't handle ugh & I'm 22 my boyfriend is 26.

[nadine5]

Ya I forgave him for cheating but another baby is throwing me off the edge. I can't do it I wish I could but knowing its out there I couldn't handle ugh & I'm 22 my boyfriend is 26.

 

Whew!! I am glad you're so young! Sweetie, please listen to me. You do not want this burden for the rest of your life. You are young and you have your ENTIRE life ahead of you. If you continue with this relationship you may forgive him but you will probably always resent him and you will surely never trust him fully again. You will also resent the woman he cheated on you with an unfortunately she is now going to be a part of both of your lives.

 

I know this hurts, I am so sorry. I don't have any children but my cousin does. This nearly identical situation happened to her and she stayed with her boyfriend and grew to hate him very much. She is now very miserable 5+ years later but she won't leave him.

 

Please do what's best for you. I will not tell you what to do but like I said, you are VERY young and you have your whole life ahead of you! You will meet someone wonderful.

[qubist]

wow , a pregnancy in one sexual encounter!!! he is either immature and irresponsible or a serial cheater or maybe both. you jeopardizing your whole life if you stay with him. if you are staying just because you feel you won't be able to be by yourself you are wrong. boost you confidence up and leave with dignity. you are only 22!!! the whole life is still ahead don't live it like this

[road]

Dump him.

 

 

File for child support.

 

 

And a lesson for others do not have kids before marriage.

[Lois_Griffin]

Well, the chances that these irresponsible fools only had sex ONCE are about zero. Of course they rehearsed their story that it was only one time - he NO DOUBT begged her to lie to you because he figures yo'll be quicker to forgive a 'one time' thing than what it really was.

 

 

You're 22 years old and have a 26 year old irresponsible child and liar for a boyfriend. Does this kid know ANYTHING about birth control at ALL?

[No Limit]

Look, you can raise a child without the guy living with you. Move out, establish a co-parenting plan and get away from all this drama - this won't be the last child he'll bring into this world with some naive young girl, trust me. And no, as other shave already said, this wasn't a ONS it was a months-long affair most likely.

[smackie9]

Wow that is tragic, for sure. You don't need to take any of that from him. You and your child have rights! Everyone is right, you need to remove yourself from this relationship, and take him to court for child support. He is irresponsible! He had unprotected sex. He disrespected you and your relationship by cheating on you. He let you and your daughter down. You deserve better than this! Cut him loose, and make a better life for you and your daughter. Everyone is right, you don't need a man to help you. You need to gather your self worth, and not accept his behavior.

[Hurtgirl22]

I wanna leave but he keeps convincing me to stay but Ino I need to make a decision. It's probably best I leave but I'm so lost and confused and scared still & he wants nothing to do with the baby and he didn't even no she kept it ugh it makes me mad like why couldn't she have told me I'm not sure if I should message her about it for answers but I'm so afraid. Stupid knott in my tummy all the time.

[Space Ritual]

I wanna leave but he keeps convincing me to stay but Ino I need to make a decision. It's probably best I leave but I'm so lost and confused and scared still & he wants nothing to do with the baby and he didn't even no she kept it ugh it makes me mad like why couldn't she have told me I'm not sure if I should message her about it for answers but I'm so afraid. Stupid knott in my tummy all the time.

 

 

I can empathize with how you feel right now. You are in Shock, Hurt, and Scared of an uncertain future.

 

Breathe...but remember you don't have to make any decisions today. I really have no advice because I have never been in a position quite like yours. I really probably could not even imagine the pain you must feel right now.

[No Limit]

Then don't let him convince you. He's manipulating you and he can only do that as long as you let him. You should ignore almost everything not-related to your child which he says, most of it is lies and the rest isn't relevant for you.

[Clockwork]

Like it or not, this child is going to be your child's sibling. If you want, that can be where it ends for you. It is one thing to cheat and have a chance to get over it and not have the reminder about it, and another thing to have a child born from it which WILL be a reminder constantly. This is going to be his child and she will always be in the picture. You have to remember this and ask yourself if you accept this. The woman he cheated on you with will always be in his life, and so will his child.

[Hurtgirl22]

She said she was raising it on her own she already has 3 other kids from different people also so guess it doesn't matter and she on welfare I don't even no how she affords it but he doesn't want anything to do with her or the kid so I don't no what to do I'm feeling so hurt I don't think I can stay either way.

[Qboro90]

Don't contact her. To be honest she has no obligation to tell you anything about her pregnancy. She doesn't have to explain why she's keeping it or how she's going to care for it or the reasons behind any of it. Asking her these things is just going end bad no matter what. Your BF is the one you need to be asking questions and being angry with, not her. While she may be a terrible person, I have no idea, it's simply none of your business what she does going forward with her child.

[greaterdevil]

He wants nothing to do with his own child? you and your child would be better off without Dad of the Year. he sounds like trash.

[No Limit]

She said she was raising it on her own she already has 3 other kids from different people also so guess it doesn't matter and she on welfare I don't even no how she affords it but he doesn't want anything to do with her or the kid so I don't no what to do I'm feeling so hurt I don't think I can stay either way.

 

Does it matter what she does? Your boyfriend has proven to be great at manipulating and lying to you. He will father other children behind your back and continue cheating. Don't you think you're worth a little more than that? And don't you think your child deserves a better rolemodel than your shady boyfriend?

[Lois_Griffin]

She said she was raising it on her own she already has 3 other kids from different people also so guess it doesn't matter and she on welfare I don't even no how she affords it but he doesn't want anything to do with her or the kid so I don't no what to do I'm feeling so hurt I don't think I can stay either way.

Well, it's d-bags like him who knock women up then DON'T take responsibility for it and we taxpayers end up footing the bill for his stupidity because now we'll be paying her even more welfare dollars. Unreal. I'd personally kick his worthless ass around the block MYSELF if I could.

 

Honestly? I hope she takes him to court and gets him legally on the hook for child support. Maybe the idiot will think twice about acting like such an irresponsible dumbass.

 

If I were you, I'd get down to the courthouse FIRST and get your child support order in before she does. Then, I'd make sure to dump this low-life so damned fast I'd have to FedEx his shadow to him the next day.

[Gaeta]

he wants nothing to do with the baby

 

A man that doesn't want to take responsibility for his flesh and blood is a SCUM.

 

You have 2 choices:

 

1. You leave him and drag him to court for child support and make him take his responsibility toward you and his child together.

 

2. You stay and accept his other child and make your bf take his full responsibility as a bio father toward that other child and you and him become an integral part of that child's life.

[LivingDeadGrl]

Leave. By staying you are just being his door mat, and letting him know that he can do this again and again, because you will not leave.

Is he sure the child is his? The woman sounds classy.

 

Get your own place and start new with you and your child, he can pay support. You are young and have a lot of life ahead of you, don't waste it on him he doesn't deserve you.

[sandylee1]

Do you have family that can support you ? Not financially , but emotional and practical support?

 

I doubt this is the first time he's cheated on you.

He risked your health by having unprotected sex and wrecklessly impregnated another woman.

 

You say your relationship isn't great, so really why stay with him?

Please don't stay out of fear.

Don't depend on him to live your life. You are a whole person without him. If he died, you would be just fine, soyou can do it.

 

You are young and have the opportunity to find a faithful man, not this guy who is so irresponsible.

 

Even if he wants nothing to do with the child (I don't think a ONS makes anyone a great dad ) he would still have to pay child support.

 

You know every time I see an honest guy or girl cheated on here, I just wish there was a place for people with integrity to meet and leave all the cheaters to each other.

 

You deserve better than this and if you stay, he'll just treat you like crap. Don't tolerate it. Drop him like a hot potato. At least get him out or move out to give you some space.

[kendahke]

So my boyfriend of over 5 years cheated on me. Only happened once and he got the chick pregnant. She said she was going to get rid of it and told me all these dates and now she deleted me and pregnant so she kept it and didn't even have the decency of telling me. I'm so angry at him and her me and him have a child together who is 4. I don't no what to do Ino I can't stay knowing that she is keeping it. It hurts to much I just wanna cry forever but I keep holding it all in and he said he doesn't want anything to do with it. I'm so lost and scared I havnt been alone in so long I'm terrified I don't even no how to break it off or how or what I should do I need some serious advice !?! Or someone to talk to:'(

 

That's messed up. What's even more messed up is him saying he wants nothing to do with his own child. To me, that is just as tragic--he's punishing his innocent child because he chose to ignore the fact that he 1. was in a relationship with you and chose to cheat on you and 2. had unprotected sex and didn't give a good got damb about your health or his family.

 

Get ahold of yourself--you can handle being alone. It beats being with someone so reckless, selfish and callous about his irresponsibility. Your child is almost old enough to start preschool. It's not like you have an infant. Where is your family? Are they close enough to help you? If not, is moving back to where they are an option? How about his family? How do they feel about you and your child? Would they help and support you?

 

It really depends upon what you want to do: stay and work this out or leave; but you should square your mind with the fact that she's having this baby and it will be a part of your boyfriend's life one way or the other--he will have to support it. Understand this: it's not the baby's fault that your boyfriend chose to cheat on you. It is innocent in all of this f-ery, so don't lose sight of that.

[Hurtgirl22]

Yeah you guys are right I mean it'll never stop hurting until I stop loving him and for that I have to leave at some point I thought maybe I could maybe work it out but no I can't do it. It's stupid we were all friends and he always talked about how she was gross or whatever and he goes and ****s her without protection it's just discusting I can't even handle just thinking about it. Grosses me out and all my friends wonder why im still with him. I do love him but this time love just ain't enough. I personally don't ever wanna see her or that child so I say it's best if I leave with my son I have family another town over and we'll have to work out some agreement for our child. I still feel so hurt though ugh I'm scared about how long this pain will last.