Bicurious Wife

[Poutrew]

Your husband, being a man, is thinking with his gonads. He doesn't seem to have thought of what could go wrong. For example, what if you *really* liked being with a woman? Eventually you'll be into fully lesbian women who wont even want a man watching them having sex with you. In a few years it could go from having a threesome every now and then to having regular lesbian sex just you and your woman, and him sitting on the living room sofa trying to read a magazine and not listening to his wife groaning, and looking forward to the sex you give him twice a month (if you're not too tired). The fantasy will have turned into a nightmare. It will lead to eventual divorce.

 

 

If I were you, knowing what I could stand to loose, I would leave this sleeping tiger alone.

[Lois_Griffin]

Recently, I've been talking to him about possibly exploring my bicuriousness. He is into the idea of a threesome, but I find it very difficult to be OK with the idea of him with another woman. Especially since I'm not sure I'm even going to enjoy being with a woman.

Good luck with that. Most women who are bi-curious won't want your husband involved at all if they're looking to explore. How in the hell your bicuriosity ends up being a threesome for HIM is beyond me. His chances that another woman is going to want him involved just plummeted even more now that I see he's 'much older' than you.

 

Once I told him this he became a bit upset and asked me what's the point of bringing another woman if he can't touch or **** her. He told me I and was being selfish and then he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

How very selfish of him to make your bicuriosity all about HIM. Not surprised, however.

 

Am I being selfish?

Not at all. He's just being a selfish, opportunistic ass. It's not like you TOLD him you were doing this, you talked about it.

 

He's the only person I talk to so he knows this and says he's happy to explore my sexuality with me.

Yeah...as long as he benefits from it. Otherwise, it's a no go.

 

 

You married this guy when you were too young. You should have explored other facets of your sexuality before marrying him. I guess one young wife isn't enough for him.

[Lois_Griffin]

Your husband, being a man, is thinking with his gonads. He doesn't seem to have thought of what could go wrong. For example, what if you *really* liked being with a woman? Eventually you'll be into fully lesbian women who wont even want a man watching them having sex with you. In a few years it could go from having a threesome every now and then to having regular lesbian sex just you and your woman, and him sitting on the living room sofa trying to read a magazine and not listening to his wife groaning, and looking forward to the sex you give him twice a month (if you're not too tired). The fantasy will have turned into a nightmare.

LOL. Considering that he's much older than the OP, that scenario could probably really happen in the not so distant future.

[MJJean]

Good luck with that. Most women who are bi-curious won't want your husband involved at all if they're looking to explore. How in the hell your bicuriosity ends up being a threesome for HIM is beyond me. His chances that another woman is going to want him involved just plummeted even more now that I see he's 'much older' than you.

 

 

How very selfish of him to make your bicuriosity all about HIM. Not surprised, however.

 

 

Not at all. He's just being a selfish, opportunistic ass. It's not like you TOLD him you were doing this, you talked about it.

 

 

Yeah...as long as he benefits from it. Otherwise, it's a no go.

 

 

You married this guy when you were too young. You should have explored other facets of your sexuality before marrying him. I guess one young wife isn't enough for him.

I disagree.

 

The OP told her husband she is bicurious. She said she didn't want to explore this side of her sexuality without him and proposed a threesome.

 

Given that threesomes generally include 3 people fully participating, of course he was upset when he was told he wouldn't be allowed to participate! He just had the brass ring dangled in front of him and then yanked away.

 

He's not selfish to want to have extramarital sex while his wife is having extramarital sex.

 

And that, OP, is the problem. It doesn't matter the gender of the 3rd. Either you meant the vows...forsaking ALL others, sickness, health, til death...or you didn't.

 

If you didn't, if you're open to changing the rules, then you have to be open to the rules changing for both of you.

 

And, really, a pro is NOT a good idea. If you don't want a monogamous marriage because you're that curious, have lesbian sex for the first time with a woman you're actually physically attracted to! If you're not attracted, at least physically, how good would the experience be?

[redtail]

Forex I have that exact same arrangement with my BF, and he's fine with it, and it's really nobody's business but ours.

 

I usually agree with your posts and your advise is typically spot on. But I think this is bad advise given the situation for the OP is completely different than what you describe. A husband and children carry a lot more weight in making this "arrangement" a bad idea.

 

Just sayin'...

[jen1447]

I usually agree with your posts and your advise is typically spot on. But I think this is bad advise given the situation for the OP is completely different than what you describe. A husband and children carry a lot more weight in making this "arrangement" a bad idea.

 

Just sayin'...

 

I was simply saying that 'unfair' arrangements exist and that OP shouldn't feel bad about wanting a supposed double standard, not saying she has to be like me. Note the "forex(ample)" part. (I actually even said I thought the possibility was moot given the circumstances.)

[Thegameoflife]

I disagree.

 

The OP told her husband she is bicurious. She said she didn't want to explore this side of her sexuality without him and proposed a threesome.

 

Given that threesomes generally include 3 people fully participating, of course he was upset when he was told he wouldn't be allowed to participate! He just had the brass ring dangled in front of him and then yanked away.

 

He's not selfish to want to have extramarital sex while his wife is having extramarital sex.

 

And that, OP, is the problem. It doesn't matter the gender of the 3rd. Either you meant the vows...forsaking ALL others, sickness, health, til death...or you didn't.

 

If you didn't, if you're open to changing the rules, then you have to be open to the rules changing for both of you.

 

And, really, a pro is NOT a good idea. If you don't want a monogamous marriage because you're that curious, have lesbian sex for the first time with a woman you're actually physically attracted to! If you're not attracted, at least physically, how good would the experience be?

 

I agree with this. She invited him to the bar, and then asked him to be the designated driver.

[Thegameoflife]

I was simply saying that 'unfair' arrangements exist and that OP shouldn't feel bad about wanting a supposed double standard, not saying she has to be like me. Note the "forex(ample)" part. (I actually even said I thought the possibility was moot given the circumstances.)

 

What would you do if he changed his mind?

[Friskyone4u]

I would just make this recomendation to you.

 

If you do decide to be with a woman, you should do it with NO MEN AROUND at all. The whole idea is for you to be able to explore your bisexual side, NOT to entertain your husband.

If your husbands boundary is no other men for you, and your boundary is no other women for him, then make it impossible to crtoss that boundary.

If you start meeting other women with their partners around, then mix in a little alcohol or weed, and the next thing you know you will be trying to figure out how to tell your husband you "made a mistake" by having a threesome with the girl and her boyfriend while you were drunk or stoned.

 

The good compromise is he lets you explore and you refuse to put yourself in any situation where you can cross his boundaries.

THAT MEANS NO MEN

[Mr. Lucky]

If you do decide to be with a woman, you should do it with NO MEN AROUND at all. The whole idea is for you to be able to explore your bisexual side, NOT to entertain your husband.

 

This isn't about being with a woman, it's about being with a partner other than her husband. Bad idea to exclude him, whole concept has much downside...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Thegameoflife]

This isn't about being with a woman, it's about being with a partner other than her husband. Bad idea to exclude him, whole concept has much downside...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I think bringing in any outside partners is a bad idea for them. People who are selfish, insecure, or jealous, will experience more downsides than ups.

[TX-SC]

I thonk this is very dangerous territory for both of you.

[Mrin]

That threesome we had really brought us closer together as a couple, said no monogamous couple ever.

 

I always cringe when I see someone who professes monogamy and faithfulness also express an interest in exploring bi-curiousness either 1:1 or in a threesome. If you're going to explore that you have to realize that you're departing the land of monogamy and entering something else. It is kinda one or the other.

 

All that being said - OP: I totally get where your coming from in terms of urges. And I totally get where your husband is coming from with the desire for a true threesome. And I totally get why you don't want to have one. All that being said, I want you to just open yourself up to the possibility of what your relationship with your husband would have to feel like for you to be totally comfortable and safe in a threesome. Where you would experience it as the two of you - combined - enjoying someone else. Where his pleasure is your pleasure and vice versa. Where your trust and confidence in your relationship is so rock solid that nothing, not even another woman in your bed, could shake it even a single millimeter. How would it feel to be that connected to your husband? How would it feel to have him be that connected to you? Where there is no end of "you" and start of "him". There is just the two of you. How would that feel? Just sit with it. Pretty amazing no?

 

Here's the thing, maybe that state of a relationship is the thing to shoot for - not the 3some. If you reached that state of marriage, the 3some would be like any other activity the two of you did. And you might not even want to do it.

[deadelvis]

I think it's totally normal for you to have a threesome without him touching the other woman. Generally this is the first step. After a few times you'll open up to the idea of him having contact with the other woman. In a couple years you'll be watching him **** other women and loving it. Small steps in the beginning. He should be ok with a threesome that doesn't involve touching the other woman. If he was smart he would go along with it. Once you get more comfortable with threesomes it will be a much different story. Most of the GFs I've had start out with "I don't want you touching her at all", but then after a little while (somewhere between 15 minutes and 6 months, depending on the GF) it changes to "I want to watch you **** her" Small steps. He should be cooler about the whole thing or he's going to blow his chance.

 

And like I've said in other threads. I did threesomes with almost every girl I dated. It never once hurt our relationship and it almost always brought us closer together and made our love stronger. People saying it's dangerous or bad for the relationship have probably never had a threesome, or at least not when the relationship was stable. I've done many threesomes and I think it's a great way to strengthen your relationship and a have a little fun. Don't listen to the people trying to discourage you. It's perfectly healthy and fun.

Edited August 18, 2015 by deadelvis

[TX-SC]

So, let's say you do this and decide you DO like having sex with other women. Since you are married, how is this information beneficial to you?

[deadelvis]

That threesome we had really brought us closer together as a couple, said no monogamous couple ever....

 

This is just not true. With both my own relationships and my friends I've seen numerous examples of this being untrue. I've seen many cases of threesomes making a relationship stronger. Try to avoid making absolute statements, especially ones that flat out wrong.

[jen1447]

This is just not true. With both my own relationships and my friends I've seen numerous examples of this being untrue. I've seen many cases of threesomes making a relationship stronger. Try to avoid making absolute statements, especially ones that flat out wrong.

 

Gotta agree with the king, seen it many times. Done it quite a few too.

 

Tho I'll allow that it probably never happens with couples who are explicitly monogamous. But with couples who are generally monogamous, sure it happens. That could include couples who experiment with a threesome once or a handful of times over the course of their marriage, but who are essentially monogamous otherwise, as opposed to those whose lifestyle is not monogamous at all (like me).

[deadelvis]

The general theme I've noticed is the couple is really excited to do the threesome before it actually happens, then when it finally happens it's really fun (sometimes awkward) and then once it's over the general attitude is "well, that was fun... but damn this chick is annoying..."

 

If your relationship is strong, having someone else come over for sex is usually a reminder of how strong the feelings are between the couple as opposed to the "third".

 

Think about how meaningless (but fun) a ONS can be, but compare it to the feelings you have during sex with your partner. A ONS isn't even in the same ballpark as making love with your spouse.

 

So it seems like a threesome serves as a reminder of how much more powerful the sex is between the couple, versus how meaningless it is with the "third". In my experiences, there wasn't a single time when my partner felt threatened by the other woman. She knew she was in control the whole time, and the other woman was only there as a meaningless one-time experience. Sometimes the "third" did come back for another couple threesomes, but never were they any type of threat to the relationship. Plus they always knew that they were just "borrowing" my **** and it would never belong to them, so there was a high level of respect between the two women. "Stealing me" was never an option, and if any girl even put out those vibes she would not be coming to bed with us. The woman always chooses the "other woman" and it's always someone they trust.

[Justcurious3]

Yeah, I honestly think it's just because our sex life is like a 3 on a scale from 1-10, and I've been fantasizing with the idea of someone actually pleasuring me since he doesn't.

 

I'm much more excited with the idea of a mfm 3 some but I know he'd never be ok with that so a woman would have to do. I told him if he agrees to a guy I'll agree to a woman, and he says not a chance lol so as of now we're not doing it.

 

I know it's best we don't. I asked him how he planned on pleasing 2 women if he hasn't figured out how to please me? His answer was he just wants to have his nipples lucked at the same time and he'd be OK not *ucking the other woman.

 

What?

[readynow]

Bisexuality isn't really a sex only thing so a 3some won't help you there. You need to be alone with one woman and go from chatting to eating to kissing, to sex, to let you experience the whole bi thing.

 

3somes is a whole different thing and in my opinion, all participants should be allowed to enjoy it to prevent any resentment that might build.

 

If it's a sex only thing, and you must involve him, will he be willing to just be a voyeur for the first time to allow you experience things yourself and see how you feel?

 

If you're bi-curious, you probably are bisexual and there's not much you can do about it but there are lots of people who choose a hetero life and are perfectly happy.

[Mrin]

This is just not true. With both my own relationships and my friends I've seen numerous examples of this being untrue. I've seen many cases of threesomes making a relationship stronger. Try to avoid making absolute statements, especially ones that flat out wrong.

 

Ahem... Emphasis on monogamous.

[jen1447]

I know it's best we don't. I asked him how he planned on pleasing 2 women if he hasn't figured out how to please me? His answer was he just wants to have his nipples lucked at the same time and he'd be OK not *ucking the other woman.

 

What?

 

Interesting distinction - I tend to think most men actually just want to be present for a FMF threesome, not really be the main performer. The primary fascination seems to be simply with it happening (between the women), so that would explain the seemingly odd caveat. Hey, he's being honest.

[road]

A marriage is for two there is no room for three. I have seen too many marriages end after they were opened.

[Mr. Lucky]

Yeah, I honestly think it's just because our sex life is like a 3 on a scale from 1-10, and I've been fantasizing with the idea of someone actually pleasuring me since he doesn't.

 

The obvious answer is to find answers to the intimacy issues inside your marriage rather than outside. And assuming the needle stayed on "3", would you be looking for a new hook-up weekly?

 

Not a practical or manageable solution...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Justcurious3]

It's not a solution at all, it will actually create more problems. He made it clear that the only reason he's interested is not for my pleasure, but to double his pleasure. And I can already visualize him telling e that I should have "gotten mine" if I end up being unsatisfied with the whole thing. That's why our conversation ended up on a third person m/f will not bring up our sex life score. So I rather focus on just us two bringing that score up before we even consider this a possibility because something is terribly wrong sexually.

 

Now that I think about it in the beginning of the relationship he would go down on me, but fall asleep a lot during, like snoring and everything, and I would just be laying there with a grown man asleep in my vag.

 

Also, I've realized that whenever I would let him know I was not satisfied he would turn it around on me and say that I didn't do everything he liked either, even though he knew that I didn't do it because it made me uncomfortable, and he refused to acknowledge that even though I didn't do these things he still came, whereas I never did. Either way we agreed to do things only I've been the only one doing these things because he's always got an excuse or surprised look and a limp dick if I remind him.

 

When we spoke about the 3some again and how it was definitely a bad idea he asked me what was the craziest fantasy I've ever had that I would want to do. He's always saying that I'm prudish and I'm only into vanilla sex, and I believed him because he watches trillions of gross porn. So I told him that he would probably laugh at me and my fantasy if I told him because it would probably pale in comparison to his wildest. He insisted so I told him multiple men, and he got soooo upset and said I was gross, but his fantasy is multiple women, wtf???

 

I'm not doing tit for tat I'm just going to exercise my right to not do sexual things that make me uncomfortable just like he has been doing. He's been adding so many new things that I never felt comfortable doing but did it anyways because he said he really enjoys it and it would help him feel better about doing stuff to me that he's uncomfortable doing.

 

For example, the latest thing after I brought up the ffm was pegging. He said he is interested in pegging for prostate stimulation and I am very uncomfortable with this and I let know, he almost got me again until I realized I was getting ready to agree once again to providing him more pleasure at the expense of my comfort, but he never steps out of his comfort zone for my pleasure.