whitetiger55 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 my boyfriend and i are now for 4 years together. Few months before the birth of first baby, he proposed me and i said yes. i was happy that we will get married and kids : family one word!! Now we have 2 kids both are under 5 years old. Each time we are speaking about wedding ,he is telling me that ok, we will do it once we ..... (for me it sound like an excuse) At the beginning, i thought :" ok, i will let some time pass and we will re speak about it". I want us to get married but it does not seems to be a priority for him. His blocker #1 is financial situation. ( he says ,we do not have enough money for marriage or i want to make a big marriage and he wants us to be prepared for it) 1-I am searching for some words or actions to help me to understand that a marriage is important to me. please help on this one anyone .... 2- blocker #2: we have a different version of wedding: me- small family members in a restaurant and friends . him- big wedding , at least 200 people and a big party at a restaurant. (solution: we have spoken about big wedding and i tried to explain to him that big wedding is expensive,and take much more time to get prepared and to do it, he accepted to change his version of our wedding(( now i feel like i am rushing him but at the same time, he is a kind of lazy boyfriend,so my patience start to end slowly)) now he is telling me: ok , we will go and sign the paper then we will to do pictures of us and family and then a restaurant ( evening).problem: i don't know how to speak about it anymore? ((each time it sound like he is telling me this just to make me more calm about it.)) please i need some advice some times , i feel like to quit speaking about wedding day, but he brings it up. one day i think to myself: ok, we will never get married because of this all ,he is constantly changing his plans and wedding is not in his plans. another day i am think to myself: i will retry to speak to him and he will change his version of wedding. But i feel we are not on the same page on wedding plans. blocker #3: he does not have a stable job. He is constantly changing for a new one. When i told him that i want to stay with kids at home and take care of the home, he said to me : well, i understand but just my job is not enough for the family, so honey you have to work too. but i would like to say to you,you can stay home with kids. blocker #4: he has few businesses that he had tried but once tried once he never goes back to it and he is telling always that it is up to us(he refers to me) to build it. ( i have the house, kids, work), i think i have enough jobs not payed to do.... I need some advices, please help.... Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 keep the faith!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 I think by having children before you got married, it's sent a message to him that marriage isn't THAT important for you. Let's say the first child wasn't planned, but you went on to have another. So he has you there , with 2 kids and doing all the things a wife would do, except your just a GF. At this point what does he have to gain by marrying you? You've given him everything a wife would. I have to say a man that can't hold down a job and is lazy, is not a man I would want to marry anyway. As far as you working......I think you should. Don't be a SAHM, as it makes you dependant and your BF doesn't seem like a dependable man with employment. If you earn your own money, you can stand firm and not take any nonsense. You can only express to him that marriage is important to you and it doesn't need to be a big wedding. You can't force him to get marry you. You either need to accept that he won't marry you or leave him and co-parent together. It just depends on how important it is to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
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