Maintaining NC and moving on?

[artvandelady]

New here and needing support. Late 20s and recently got out of an unhappy marriage. Just as I was deciding I needed to file for divorce I met xMM, who was also having marital problems after his wife (no kids) became physically and emotionally abusive, and shamefully we started a 3 month affair. We spent 3-4 days/nights a week together, worked together, traveled together. During the affair I discovered so much about myself- I never knew love could feel that way, what emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy could be like. xMM moved away, to another continent, which was scheduled, and we ended the affair.

 

I wholeheartedly regret my actions and know that I would never engage in an affair again. But I miss him tremendously and irrationally I feel like he could be a great love of my life. I initiated NC after a week of us discussing our feelings about the end of things after he left. We planned on the NC lasting 6 months because we have many friends and colleagues in common and will eventually have to see each other regularly at work meetings. But recently he messaged me (breaking NC) to say he thinks I’m the love of his life, that he feels trapped in a marriage with his unstable wife who is financially totally dependent on him. He says he can’t bear for me to not be in his life as at least as a friend.

 

I don’t believe that we can be friends at this point, and that electronic communication would just be an emotional affair. I need to find the strength to not allow an emotional affair to continue, even though what I would want is to maintain intimacy with him and for him to end his marriage. Any suggestions for staying strong in NC? I already deactivated my FB profile, under the pretense (though true) that I need to get more work done. I can’t unfriend him or our mutual colleagues and friends would know something is up.

 

I know I need to focus on moving forward in my life and career and finding a true partner- someone who is fully available. Any advice on how to get the crazy affair-love out of my head so my heart will be open to new love would be much appreciated. Thanks for listening.

[FusionCutter]

You were committed to your affair. Now just stay committed to NC. It's the only way.

[NewLeaf512]

New here and needing support. Late 20s and recently got out of an unhappy marriage. Just as I was deciding I needed to file for divorce I met xMM, who was also having marital problems after his wife (no kids) became physically and emotionally abusive, and shamefully we started a 3 month affair. We spent 3-4 days/nights a week together, worked together, traveled together. During the affair I discovered so much about myself- I never knew love could feel that way, what emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy could be like. xMM moved away, to another continent, which was scheduled, and we ended the affair.

 

I wholeheartedly regret my actions and know that I would never engage in an affair again. But I miss him tremendously and irrationally I feel like he could be a great love of my life. I initiated NC after a week of us discussing our feelings about the end of things after he left. We planned on the NC lasting 6 months because we have many friends and colleagues in common and will eventually have to see each other regularly at work meetings. But recently he messaged me (breaking NC) to say he thinks I’m the love of his life, that he feels trapped in a marriage with his unstable wife who is financially totally dependent on him. He says he can’t bear for me to not be in his life as at least as a friend.

 

I don’t believe that we can be friends at this point, and that electronic communication would just be an emotional affair. I need to find the strength to not allow an emotional affair to continue, even though what I would want is to maintain intimacy with him and for him to end his marriage. Any suggestions for staying strong in NC? I already deactivated my FB profile, under the pretense (though true) that I need to get more work done. I can’t unfriend him or our mutual colleagues and friends would know something is up.

 

I know I need to focus on moving forward in my life and career and finding a true partner- someone who is fully available. Any advice on how to get the crazy affair-love out of my head so my heart will be open to new love would be much appreciated. Thanks for listening.

 

 

 

I had a PA for 6 months with a man I worked and had known for years who suddenly said he was separated. We worked together, travelled (for business mostly) and live on different continents. When I found out he was M, I never saw him in person again, and, after 2 months he got in touch with me saying "I don't know how to live my life without you in it. I miss my best friend" and like an idiot I thought this was 1. OK 2. Possible. Two years and a catastrophe later, there is only one course of action I can advise you to take. Never contact him again and go NC. Go to the gym, study a language, go to the cinema, meet friends, further your career, keep busy. If you take this advice because of my story then I can somehow justify all the moaning I have done on LS about my stupid behaviour. Sending you strength and hugs x