Got mad at my parents on vacation

[amkxoxo]

So I was wondering what people's views are on this situation.

 

I was on vacation with my entire family and we were having a great time. My mom, dad, brother and me were sharing a hotel room. My aunt, uncle, and cousins were sharing another hotel room. My grandfather had a cottage so he stayed a distance away from us.

 

One night we went to his cottage and sat around a fire having a good time. It got later and later and my aunt, uncle, and cousins wanted to go get ice cream. We figured my grandfather would want to go to bed, but he insisted on going too. I ran inside with my cousin to use the bathroom before we left, and when I came out my mom, dad, and grandfather were gone.

 

My aunt and uncle told me that they told them to go on ahead and they would take me with them to the ice cream parlor. I was kind of bummed my mom left without me, but knew we were going to meet them there.

 

When we were almost to the ice cream parlor, my parents call my aunt and uncle and telling them how the ice cream place is so busy and they weren't going to wait in the line and that they weren't going, and that they were looking around for other places to go. And how my grandfather was suddenly tired and wanted to go back, and how my parents had to drive him back to his cottage. I was so confused. I was stuck with my aunt and uncle and my parents seemed like they were making their own plan.

 

When we got to the ice cream parlor, it was busy, but the line wasn't too bad. I called my mom to ask where they were. She told me they were bringing my grandfather home. My uncle told me he would buy me an ice cream, but as a 23 year old girl, I was independent and didn't want my uncle to feel responsible for me. I started to get embarrassed that my parents just left me there. I think the embarrassment is what made me upset.

 

I felt abandoned. Talking to my mom on the phone, she took no responsibility for it at all and blamed it all on my aunt, who took me with them. I kept trying to tell her it wasn't my aunts fault, because we had all made the plan to meet there and they were the ones that went there and then left very hastily.

 

I then asked them if they were going to come get me. She had to think about it and even questioned if they had to come and get me. They didn't want to wait in the long line for ice cream. But it wasn't even busy. They were considering going back to the hotel, without me. I didn't get it. The plan was to go to this place for ice cream and then my parents bail, and decide to leave me there. I didn't get it.

 

Then I started asking my mom why they didn't wait for us to get to the ice cream place, and I could have gone with them to drop my grandfather off and then gone home with them. They again took no blame in it and started blaming my grandfather for wanting to go home. They couldn't have waited all of 5 minutes for me to get there. I was so mad. And then for them to decide to go back to the hotel after and not even come back to get me. I again felt embarrassed. I felt like my aunt and uncle felt obligated to be responsible for me. My aunt and uncle love me but I felt like they felt because they were buying their kids ice cream, they had to buy me one too. I felt like it was my parents issue to be responsible for me. I was their kid.

 

I started getting snippy with my mom on the phone and I kept asking where they were, and if they were going to come and get me. They kept flip flopping and couldn't give me a straight answer. Then they got snippy when I got snippy saying "Is that what you want? You want us to come and get you?"

 

I thought they would have wanted to come back and get me, yes. I was their kid.

 

I let me uncle buy me the ice cream, after he insisted, and then as we were eating, my mom showed up.

 

She was mad at me. She was like "Oh so your happy now that your eating an ice cream."

 

I was taken back. I was the mad one. They ditched me. They again, took no blame in it and claimed, my aunt offered to take me, and it was her fault. I tried to tell them that, she offered to take me because we were all supposed to meet at the same place. And them, my parents, changed the plan, when they saw a line and freaked out and my grandfather insisted on going home.

 

I think I had every right to be angry. My parents were scolding me like I was a little kid for being angry. When in reality, I think they were deflecting off of themselves onto me, because the situation wasn't ideal.

 

At 23, I trust and love my parents, but I no longer see them as the heroes you think they are when you are little. They make mistakes.

 

Was I in the clear? Did I have every right to be mad at them?

Edited August 11, 2015 by amkxoxo

[rester]

You're 23. At some point, your parents' focus is going to shift from taking care of your needs first, to taking care of your grandfather's needs first. They probably left without you because they wanted to make sure your grandfather was able to get there and back quickly.

 

Sometimes we need to be flexible with plans, especially when it comes to family.

[beach]

You can "feel" whatever you wish.

 

But stop and think a bit. There is so many people in that equation and it's difficult to please everyone.

 

Your Mom was trying to keep everyone on board. You are so focused on 'ice cream' that you aren't seeing this from other angles.

 

Feel what you want. But I don't think it's useful to make a big deal about such small matters.

 

Here's some perspective - I have two family members who are on the brink of death... Some things become completely unimportant when experiencing the end of a life for those you love.

 

Being selfish and self centered creates a very narrow world.

[Tayla]

Apologize to your parents. A 23 year old adult would accept their attitude and create understanding. I sincerely hope future vacations have a better outcome.

[mrs rubble]

I can't believe you are seriously upset over this....most 23yo's I know are independent and able to get their own ice-cream without their parents having to be there.

[Els]

OP, it worries me to read such a post from a 23 yo. Why is it such a big deal that your mom left you with your RELATIVES? 'Abandoning you' would be if they'd left you with nobody else around (and even then at 23 it's kinda pushing the definition a bit far). If you are embarrassed to let your uncle buy you an ice cream (which really isn't a big deal, adults treat each other occasionally), then buy yourself an ice cream, sit down with them, and wait! Surely you have some money of your own?

 

Yes, it wasn't an ideal situation and there was probably a miscommunication, and your parents probably did make a small mistake. We all do, especially when there are multiple people to take care of and multiple needs to meet. You are way overblowing the issue though.

[Fleur de cactus]

23 year old and you are saying that you parents abandoned you and should be there to buy you ice cream and take you to the hotel when you could ride back with your uncle? Seriously, When are you going to grow up? You have not right to be mad at your parents. You act like a 5 year old kid. You should apologize to your parents as you should show more understanding as they were concerned about your grandpa's health.

[Tiger Lily]

OP, I do think that the situation sounded chaotic. You seem like someone who prefers to have a good plan set up, and to know what it happening. I imagine you would have been fine going with you relatives, had that been the plan, but you seem to feel like your parents said one thing and did another. That can feel hurtful.

 

I agree with rester that I think flexibility with family, especially on vacation, will help you (and everyone ) have a much more fun time. Like beach said, at the end of the day, these small misunderstandings won't matter much.

 

However, I don't know if your parents are apologetic with you in other instances. I personally don't understand parents who CAN'T apologize for anything. Maybe your parents didn't need to apologize to you in this instance. But if you parents often do things that make you feel hurt without apologizing, maybe you tend to make a bigger deal out of things because you don't feel heard when you have any complaint, big or small. I don't know though...I'm not a parent. Maybe parents have very hard times apologizing to their children.

[anika99]

You sound pretty needy for a 23yr old woman. I can't figure out why this was such a drama for you? Do you hate your aunt and uncle or something? Why couldn't you just enjoy an ice cream and the company of the family members you were with? I remember going on vacation with my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins when I was a teenager and I loved getting away from my parents and hanging out with my extended family.

 

 

I doubt your aunt and uncle felt like it was some great hardship to buy you an ice cream, they were probably happy to do it, but why at 23yrs old do you not have enough money to even buy yourself ice cream? Why as an adult woman do you keep referring to yourself as your parent's kid? You are not their kid, you are their adult daughter. I'm sorry but I can't get my head around your point of view. When I was 23yrs old I had been moved out of my parents house for 8yrs and I was a mother to 2 boys. Now my boys are young adults who were also completely independent by the time they were 20. If either of them acted like you I would probably get angry too, or wonder if they had fallen and hit their head, because it would be so out of character for either of them to behave that way.

 

 

As for your parents scolding you like a little kid, well you were certainly acting like a little kid so I can see where they were coming from. Yes parents make mistakes and one of the mistakes your parents seem to have made is that they have allowed you to stay too dependant on them into your adulthood. Why do you think your wants and feelings should have been center stage and taken precedence over the feelings of your older grandfather who didn't feel up to waiting in line and wanted to leave because he was tired? You sound self centered and somewhat selfish so I guess that's another mistake your parents made.

Edited August 12, 2015 by anika99

[amkxoxo]

OP, I do think that the situation sounded chaotic. You seem like someone who prefers to have a good plan set up, and to know what it happening. I imagine you would have been fine going with you relatives, had that been the plan, but you seem to feel like your parents said one thing and did another. That can feel hurtful.

 

I agree with rester that I think flexibility with family, especially on vacation, will help you (and everyone ) have a much more fun time. Like beach said, at the end of the day, these small misunderstandings won't matter much.

 

However, I don't know if your parents are apologetic with you in other instances. I personally don't understand parents who CAN'T apologize for anything. Maybe your parents didn't need to apologize to you in this instance. But if you parents often do things that make you feel hurt without apologizing, maybe you tend to make a bigger deal out of things because you don't feel heard when you have any complaint, big or small. I don't know though...I'm not a parent. Maybe parents have very hard times apologizing to their children.

 

This is exactly how I felt. I felt like we all made a plan, and then my parents wanted nothing to do with it and nothing to do with me, since I wasn't with them. This is supposed to be a family vacation. Family, all together. I was fine buying myself an ice-cream. I was embarrassed because my uncle was stuck buying me an ice-cream, because my parents changed the plan on them too. I didn't need or want my parents to come ad buy me ice-cream. I just thought that was what was supposed to happen. My aunt and uncle brought their kids for ice cream and my parents were supposed to bring me.

 

My parents are extremely over protective and are so involved with my life. I have my own apartment about 2 hours away from them and they continue to be too involved in my life. They come to visit me at my place almost every weekend, and weekends that they don't, they are asking me to come home to them and I cannot say No.

 

More recently, I planned to stay around in town for a while and I was planning on saying No to them if they wanted to come and see me. I was excited to have some weekend to myself and doing things with my friends.

 

My mother calls me to tell me that this upcoming weekend there is this event near me that my dad and brother want to attend. So they will probably all drive down and she will stay with me while they go to the event. Its only a one day thing, so they won't be there long or overnight.

 

Then she tells me the weekend after, that there is a similar event and they want to come Friday night, stay over, and then they will leave Saturday evening. I want them to be able to go to these things, but this totally ruins my plan. The weekend after that I was planning on going home for a family event. I live alone. I am alone a lot. But I feel like sometimes they are cramping my independence. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and they do so much for me. Sometimes my mom will stay for a whole weekend and we have so much fun. When I get sick she will come down and take care of me. But if I ever show resistance or hesitation to them coming, my mom gets almost passive aggressively mad. I can hear it in her voice, and sometimes she even will sort of say it. Its like I can never win.