transparent_2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Ok, here is my story & i do require help here...Please Help!!! My girlfriend (30/F) is undergoing divorce from her husband. Her husband was a serial cheater & to teach him a lesson she also started going out with other men (via Tinder) & did tit-for-tat (thats what she has told me). She has a daughter from her previous relation. Now they are at final stage of their Divorce...8 months back, i came into her life & we started dating. I came to know that she's friends with lot of guys & that she has been physical with a couple of them before our relation (she herself told me). As that was in the past before meeting me, i didn't say anything to her...cause she was vulnerable at that point due to lack of a life partner in her life. Till this time i trusted her, but i never wanted her to meet her past guys (after our relation), & i told her that. She took it very defensively & told me that i was stifling her in this relation & that i cannot impose rules on her in this relation, so i finally relented and let her continue meeting her friends. One day, i saw one of her friends smooching her in his car (they went for lunch together)...when i confronted her, she told me that she had no role, it was he who was forcing him on her (& cause they share a past, he still has that chemistry), of course i was very angry and since that day i started doubting her for everything. I started telling her that she has cheated me. She on the other hand showed no remorse or guilt, she always maintained that it wasnt a big deal, just a kiss & i was making mountain out of a molehill. But since that day i started doubting her morals, i used to pinch her about her boyfriends, & she used to hate it. She used to tell me that i should stop judging her. She works with me at my office (I am her boss & owner of the company...she joined me once we were committed). One day she told me that she is going to meet her relatives & wont come to work today, now since i didnt trust her, i kept a tab on her that day, once again i found her meeting two guys in one single day. When i confronted her, she got panicked & admitted to the mistake. We had a very big fight post this incident. But never once i found guilt in her eyes, i always felt that she goes behind my back & sleeps with other guys...anyway after days of drama (where she didnt stop crying for 3 days) i took her back, this time she assured me that she would never do the same mistake. One week later she tells me that she is going on a vacation with her college friends for two days, this time she did everything very shrewdly & made me talk to her friends also. I was assured she was not cheating me this time (as only last week she had wept for 3 days non-stop). So i was assured this time she wont break my trust. But something in me was still not satisfied, so i just followed her to her hotel. I found that she was staying with one of her boyfriends (along with her daughter)...and they had taken a twin room for two nights!!! Since then she has been calling me to tell me that it was me who was at fault , i was the reason she went to another man (wtf???), had i not pricked her so much about her past relations & boyfriends, she would have not finished her love for me. She said she cant stay with a man who judges her, passes moral comments on her...& that i was too good for her. She told me that she went to the vacation because of her daughter & that her boyfriend accompanied her because her daughter likes him more than me (Wow!!!)....basically her new lover footed the bill for all her travels, stay etc. & got Sex in return. When i told her that she is a slut as she gave Sex to have vacation for her daughter, she told me that i can think whatever i want to...but she has never given her body both emotionally & physically to anyone else but me (What the ****???)...I told her that if that guy had not had sex with her after spending all the money on her...then he is a ****in saint & she should go & get married to her!!!...She didnt say anything in return. Finally she said that she is willing to go way, & she cant change, she is like this only....she requested that just one last time we should act like a normal couple as she wants to see my old self again. We went to Starbucks & i tried to behave normally, while she behaved as if nothing has happened...infact by the time we came out of starbucks she was just like i saw her everyday...giggling & smiling. Then after a day or so, she again started calling me & telling me to meet her again as she cant get over me...will need some time. I told her specifically that I WILL NEVER TAKE HER BACK AGAIN...EVER!!! What happened here???...What kind of women is she??? If a man can control not going out in a relation, why cant a women? She herself admitted that i am the best man for her, but yet she cant change for me, as love doesnt require change...wtf???...this boggles my mind...Please help me understand this women....she has driven me nuts!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Find another woman. Preferably one that doesn't work for you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 I dated a girl like this once. You haven't said this about your situation, but in my situation she was the one who pushed for an exclusive relationship. I would have been happy staying casual but she pushed for exclusivity and then did this nonsense...I imagine you wouldn't be happy with something casual anyway, but if you would be and she would be...maybe that's the step you could take. Also, I suggest you look up BPD and see if it applies to your situation with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Run, Forest run. And, do not look back. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 I was reading your post and was worried that you would be asking if you can forgive her and go back to her. ooooouf. she is a serial cheater not her EX, she will make up excuses and blamed him like she was blaming you, he gotta out of it ( smart man) and you almost got stuck with it. you are nothing but a cover blanket to her, an insurance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Drop her like a bad habit. Adios amigo. Have fun with Tinder dudes all you want. Watch out for them STDs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Dude, that chick has way too much baggage. First you're getting with her fresh out of a divorce where she was cheated on. And her idea on how to handle the pain is to cheat on him! You get with her when she never had time to mourn the loss of her marriage. To fix HER problems. Because, I think her way of handling things right now is to hurt them before they have a chance to hurt her. And you fell victim to that. And in the process, she's screwing up her daughters life with all of these men coming and going. HER CHEATING WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! She made a choice. You had nothing to do with that. She's just blame shifting to ease her guilt. Now, you're kind of stupid for bring her in as an employee! Because, now you're kind of stuck with her unless you want to suffer a possible wrongful termination suit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 I agree. End this relationship. You knew she was open to cheating because she was married when YOU started with her. Find someone actually single and start over. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 Find another woman. Preferably one that doesn't work for you. Hello Davey L, Will do that for sure, thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Sociopath. Listen to Liar by Henry Rollins. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Would you tolerate that behavior from a regular employee? Not just one you were banging? Come on man, You, as the boss, should be smarter than that. IDK what country you are in, but be very careful and check with a lawyer to find out if you risk any exposure to civil litigation from this chick. I mean after all she worked for you and shared your bed. She could probably dig some dirt up on you if she was determined enough to call your professionalism into question. Tread Lightly but get rid of her if you can ASAP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I dated a girl like this once. You haven't said this about your situation, but in my situation she was the one who pushed for an exclusive relationship. I would have been happy staying casual but she pushed for exclusivity and then did this nonsense...I imagine you wouldn't be happy with something casual anyway, but if you would be and she would be...maybe that's the step you could take. Also, I suggest you look up BPD and see if it applies to your situation with her. Hi DJOkawari, She is calling me & telling me that she wants to desperately make love with me...& even i want that...but I love her too much to stay casual now...i will always be thinking that who else is she giving her body to...everything she says to me she must be saying to other men also. Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Run, Forest run. And, do not look back. Hi Road, Yes i would do only that...Thanks for your help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I was reading your post and was worried that you would be asking if you can forgive her and go back to her. ooooouf. she is a serial cheater not her EX, she will make up excuses and blamed him like she was blaming you, he gotta out of it ( smart man) and you almost got stuck with it. you are nothing but a cover blanket to her, an insurance. Hi qubist, Yes you are correct, she is holding on to me till she gets another man to catch on to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Drop her like a bad habit. Adios amigo. Have fun with Tinder dudes all you want. Watch out for them STDs. Hi VengeanceGuidesMe, I dont know why people sabotage something they love so much :-( Although, its tough to leave, BUT, I will drop her...there is no other way!!! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 (edited) Dude, that chick has way too much baggage. First you're getting with her fresh out of a divorce where she was cheated on. And her idea on how to handle the pain is to cheat on him! You get with her when she never had time to mourn the loss of her marriage. To fix HER problems. Because, I think her way of handling things right now is to hurt them before they have a chance to hurt her. And you fell victim to that. And in the process, she's screwing up her daughters life with all of these men coming and going. HER CHEATING WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! She made a choice. You had nothing to do with that. She's just blame shifting to ease her guilt. Now, you're kind of stupid for bring her in as an employee! Because, now you're kind of stuck with her unless you want to suffer a possible wrongful termination suit. Hi Chi townD, Thanks for your advise man, i would leave her...& i will be man enough to face consequences of my actions in my professional life, i will take this pain...let this pain make me a better, stronger man. Take Care!!! Edited August 12, 2015 by transparent_2015 Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I agree. End this relationship. You knew she was open to cheating because she was married when YOU started with her. Find someone actually single and start over. Hi autumnnight, Thanks for advise, i would search for someone very loyal & faithful now. I am fed up with these shameless people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Sociopath. Listen to Liar by Henry Rollins. Hi Clarence_Boddicker, Listening to the song, this is what i feel, thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Would you tolerate that behavior from a regular employee? Not just one you were banging? Come on man, You, as the boss, should be smarter than that. IDK what country you are in, but be very careful and check with a lawyer to find out if you risk any exposure to civil litigation from this chick. I mean after all she worked for you and shared your bed. She could probably dig some dirt up on you if she was determined enough to call your professionalism into question. Tread Lightly but get rid of her if you can ASAP. Hi Space Ritual, Yes i should have been smarter, should have seen all the red flags. Your status message defines my feeling completely: "The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make. If they keep stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife." Thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 She's lied to you from the very beginning. It most likely wasn't her husband who was the serial cheater in her marriage, it was her. The rest is history - next time she tries to blame you, laugh and walk away, she makes a quite poor performance on cheater textbook manipulation to be honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 She's lied to you from the very beginning. It most likely wasn't her husband who was the serial cheater in her marriage, it was her. The rest is history - next time she tries to blame you, laugh and walk away, she makes a quite poor performance on cheater textbook manipulation to be honest. Hey No Limit, Yes you are correct, was a fool to not notice such things which are very apparent to me now. Thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 You mean "ex-girlfriend", right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 You mean "ex-girlfriend", right? Yes, my Ex-Girlfriend (30/F) cheated me & i let her go forever...:-) Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Dude next time you meet a woman that admits to cheating to "get back at someone" in the past FLEE, FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE. Remember: this is a woman who has no problem banging strange dudes just to get back at someone. Look up trash in the dictionary and I'd bet you'd be all "damn why is my ex's picture right next to this definition?" well now you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts