Dealing with anxiety

[madde]

Today is exactly 6 months after break up. I can say that I remembered it with some nostalgia - how far I have gone. I accepted everything as it was and not feeling sad or anxious about that. I also feel a little bit weird about myself - I have changed and it almost feel like I must get to know new myself.

I am not afraid if I will meet him on our corporation ball on February. He can be on this room, but I wouldn't have desire to talk with him or anything. If he will want to say something, I will listen to him, if not, it is his choise.

Now I understand that I did everything that I could - I don't blame myself anymore. I don't blame him either. He had reasons to do this - even if I don't know about them until this day.

I waited hours, days and months for his answer. And then I understood that his silence is this answer.

Keep strong and take your own time! best wishes to all of you!

[jen1447]

You're doing great madde.

[madde]

I saw him yesterday almost 7 months after breakup. Yesterday was our corporation winter prom - at first I didn't want to go, but I had no choise because I was getting prise there and my presence was obligatory. I was coming in with my colleagues and I spotted him standing alone around the bar so I didn't look there anymore.

All these months I was thinking what I will feel if I see him. I must tell I didn't feel pain, anger, anxiety or other negative emotions. I was feeling unrealistic at this moment, as I have seen stranger and thinking if I have known him before. It was so akward

I was having small talk with different colleagues there, getting much compliments for my dress and smile, just having fun and have no desire meet him, see him or greet him. As if he was somewhere there but as one of these collegues that I don't know personally. He was going round and round with his company or alone and somehow sometimes managed to be near where I was standing at that moment. I didn't give him any attention. My attitude wasn't angry or declining, I just was standing relaxed. If he wanted to tell me something, I would listen to him and be polite.

We didn't talk any word yesterday and I don't feel anxious nor sad. Now I see the hell I am through and how calmness is returned to me. I can't say I am feeling happy and definetly not ready to date again,and trust deeply to someone now after this traumatic break up, but I feel calm again and I am very thankful to God for that

Hope that my story will give some hope for others who are suffering right know - it is painful process but at the end you will see that you have become as a very beautiful pearl :)Don't loose hope and go your own way and don't feel bad about it - it takes as much time as it takes . Keep strong !

[jen1447]

Congratulations. Also congrats on your prize!

 

It's funny how these ppl and things lose their power over time. I can remember feeling literally dizzy and on the edge of an anxiety attack seeing some place where sth had happened once w/an ex, but then years later seeing the same place and ....flat line. Nothing, it's just a place.

 

In a way, the eventual powerlessness is almost pathetic. Seems to reduce these things to the bare elements rather than that heavy weight they temporarily carry due to our goofy emotions.

[madde]

Thank you for congrulations and for your help and words through these months Maybe you are one of these people who saved my life I remember hours when I was almost hurting as I wanted to write him, ask him answers to my questions, how I was crying to sleep, how I almost died from anxiety, when I was thinking how long I will hold until I could someday hurt myself or anything... They were rough months Yeah, jen1447 , I have brought with myself one tablet Xanax, because I wasn't sure how my body will react to this stress, but it almost suprised me

[jen1447]

Thank you for congrulations and for your help and words through these months Maybe you are one of these people who saved my life I remember hours when I was almost hurting as I wanted to write him, ask him answers to my questions, how I was crying to sleep, how I almost died from anxiety, when I was thinking how long I will hold until I could someday hurt myself or anything... They were rough months Yeah, jen1447 , I have brought with myself one tablet Xanax, because I wasn't sure how my body will react to this stress, but it almost suprised me

 

You saved yourself. Most of us are stronger and more resilient than we ever thought we could be.

[madde]

I went on first date today since breakup last July. I pushed myself to smile and behave nice all time and get along through the date, he was interesting and kind man, but I almost felt that I was going faint or vomitting inside me, repressed my hyperventilating all the time. Seems that it will be harder to return on dating scene than I expected.

[jen1447]

I went on first date today since breakup last July. I pushed myself to smile and behave nice all time and get along through the date, he was interesting and kind man, but I almost felt that I was going faint or vomitting inside me, repressed my hyperventilating all the time. Seems that it will be harder to return on dating scene than I expected.

 

Don't worry, next one will be a lot better.

[madde]

I hope so, too. I got invitation to second date, so it looks outside I wasn't behave so strange as I was feeling inside but I panicked all night after message, so all night I was watching comedies to calm down what a year it have been!