Fearing the serious

[Nayr]

I am the kind of guy that can make a good time from nothing on a date, but when it comes back to me that the girl likes me, and wants to go out again, or something turns serious, I get really anxious, get hot, and can't breathe, and this sometimes leads to me throwing up which can be quite embarassing. Just recently have I realized that this happens when the relationship turns serious. And now it seems to be a regular thing, especially when i have a conversation with the girl I still like. Does anyone have any advice on this, I really want to get out of this rut, I have never had any more than a few long distance relationships. If its as simple as saying that I have a fear of commitment, then how do I get over that? I want to be prepared for something local. Thanks

[Tony T]

You lose your anxiety about relationships the same way you get to Carnegie Hall...practice, practice, practice.

 

I don't think you have a fear of committment at all. Just because a lady expresses a fondness for you doesn't mean you have to get into a committed relationship with her and you know that. My guess is that you have some anxiety associated with your inexperience in dating, not knowing how to carry it forward, not being sure what to say, not knowing when to go for the first kiss, etc.

 

You probably came from a rather repressive family where sex, dating, and other similar matters weren't discussed much. You probably have felt awkward in circles of guys discussing these things. You may even be somewhat of a loner.

 

Well, I unconditionally guarantee you will break out of this and probably become a world class lover. Just take baby steps and move on from there. When a girl expresses a fondness for you, take advantage of that and go with it. Remember, you don't have to make it a committed thing...you don't have to marry her. Just date and get to know different ladies better.

 

Probably the reason these ladies fall for you in a big way is because you are not aggressive and, because of your anxiety, you are a challenge by default. Chances are excellent that once you shed your fears and emerge as a real stud, you won't be having this same problem.

 

Life is really a bxtch sometimes.