Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Hey all, my now-ex had me help her move to my city, where she will be going to school next year. I did a ton for her - loading the truck, driving it 7 hours, unloading, organizing, etc. During the next couple of days, I went to Ikea and Target with her. She was acting sweet towards me, though she had been weird the preceding couple of days - which she attributed to moving stress. I helped her put her bedframe together on a Monday night. As soon as Tuesday night, she was being distant and strange again. During the course of the week, her texts were non-committal, non-loving and something had clearly changed. Only TODAY did I realize: this woman used me to help her move down here; help her get her apartment settled; and then broke up with me as soon as my services were no longer needed. She KNEW she was going to do this, but instead of telling me before the move (like a grown up would), she took advantage of me, pretended like things were fine, and then dumped me, as soon as I wasn't useful to her anymore. How can I get over feeling so used and betrayed? How can a person be so selfish as to use their "boyfriend" as essentially manual labor, when all the while they know they're going to dump him in a matter of days? I could use all the input you guys and girls can muster. I thought I was through the worst of this, but it feels like the worst just arrived, once I put the pieces together. OD Link to post Share on other sites
Bubberfly Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Smart girl! (Kidding) I get you're upset. But think of it this way. It could have been much much much worse. She didn't use you to get at someone else. She didn't get pregnant just so she could have you support her. So many other scenarios I've had guy friends of mine go through, this is pretty minimal. From the sounds of it, you're a sweet guy. She's a selfish little opportunist. You're MUCH better off without her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Smart girl! (Kidding) I get you're upset. But think of it this way. It could have been much much much worse. She didn't use you to get at someone else. She didn't get pregnant just so she could have you support her. So many other scenarios I've had guy friends of mine go through, this is pretty minimal. From the sounds of it, you're a sweet guy. She's a selfish little opportunist. You're MUCH better off without her.Thank you for your reply, and for the compliment. Yes, it could have been worse. I'm lucky in that regard, I suppose. I've just never been blind-sided in this particular way. Have a good night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Call her out on it. She will deny it and then you stick to your guns and say, "No matter you say, I know the truth, you're low class and ultimately I'm glad you showed your true colors." Then move on with your dignity, knowing that you didn't let it slide you just didn't let it get to you. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Behavior such as this can't be "punished." Let it go. I'm sorry for your pain. I know how it feels. Promise yourself you'll never become like this. Let your love, caring and concern, which you demonstrated in helping her move, be your final expression to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 That's pretty cold hearted. Not as cold as my Ex, but still, pretty cold. Man, that's messed up. She's got some major issues and you are lucky to be rid of her. But sheesh, really? She went there? Ugh. How can people who supposedly "love" you, just turn around and be so insincere and heartless? Have they no shame, guilt or empathy? Nope. I can imagine what you are going through. That was slimy. I'd never speak to her again. No way!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Oregon Dude: I know how you feel, I'm not sure which is worst being dumped by a GF or being taken advantage of. unfortunately some people are just like that, the would take advantage of others if they can, one thing I can tell about this kind of people that are never satisfied in their lives. look at the bright side of this ( like Bubberfly said ) it could've have been worst you should be glad you knew how she is before you had invested a lot more. . Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Call her out on it. She will deny it and then you stick to your guns and say, "No matter you say, I know the truth, you're low class and ultimately I'm glad you showed your true colors." Don't do that. Just never talk, email, text or message her again. Block her out of your life in all ways possible. Total NC is the best way for you to get over her and move on with your life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 She is a real piece of art. I advice you to take it with humor, like sport, as if your defence didn't work properly so she managed to score your goal. Sh*t happens You can find a way to let her friends know about it, to publish it on FB, not as a Whining from your side, but more like - How lucy you were, to dodge a bullet with this kind of a girl. It will freak her mind out. What she did, isn't a great compliment for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Don't do that. Just never talk, email, text or message her again. Block her out of your life in all ways possible. Total NC is the best way for you to get over her and move on with your life. I disagree Pete and the reason is simple. Too often do we tell people to "let it go and block/ignore and move on" without confronting their issues head on. I believe that the OP's healing will have a massive jump start if he confronts her and sees the behavior of a liar in denial. It will help him heal and see first hand what happens when the mask is off. He will have a very good justifiable reason to maintain that NC and he will do so knowing that SHE KNOWS THAT HE KNOWS she is worthless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Who cares whether she knows that he knows or not? All that matters is that he knows. It's not his job to help her confront or overcome her issues. And even if he did, she would most likely simply say "talk to the hand", carry on believing she did nothing wrong, and help her justify the dumping because her crazy ex is a stalker type and won't leave her alone. Contacting her will achieve nothing good. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Unfortunately, you see this far too often. The dumper's turn into opportunists. If you have a trip, holiday or vacation coming up, the Ex usually sticks around till after the trip, then as soon as you return, they dump you. It's like they think, "okay, I know that I'm going to dump him or her, but we got this trip coming up that I really want to go on. So, I guess I'll stick around and get a free trip out of the deal." Dude, you didn't do anything wrong. You got played. I would just ignore her and move on. Sooner or later, she's going to reach out to you because something broke in her new apartment or needs help moving something. Just because you're settled in a new place doesn't mean you're actually settled. Something always pops up in a new place. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I agree that that was cold and I agree with Pete to just delete her. There is nothing to gain by confrontation or letting her know what you think of her. You know her now and there is no point in having anything to do with her. I don’t know what to say about coping with being used. It really hurts a lot and takes time to heal. I think all you can really do is resolve to be conscious of how people treat you in the future and know to your core that the way someone else acts is about him/her, not about you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Another vote to vanish from this persons life, never to be heard from again. SHE KNOWS she pulled a douche bag move on him, trust me. If the dumpee never contacts her again or speaks to her again, it will bother her. She'll reach a point where she will probably get to feeling so guilty that she apologizes down the road. That's when his silence in not replying will really reinforce what a POS she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Plus, confronting won't change anything. She KNOWS she used him. Her thought process would be like, "Well, sorry you feel that way. But, thanks for moving me in!" Nothing will change. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Consider it a learning experience and forget about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 She KNOWS she used him. Her thought process would be like, "Well, sorry you feel that way. But, thanks for moving me in!" Nothing will change. That's very true. A lot of "users" tend to lack guilt, shame or empathy. That's why they're able to act out of pure selfishness with no regard for the person they're hurting because there is no consequence. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Wow, crappy thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
hakim Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Hey all, my now-ex had me help her move to my city, where she will be going to school next year. I did a ton for her - loading the truck, driving it 7 hours, unloading, organizing, etc. During the next couple of days, I went to Ikea and Target with her. She was acting sweet towards me, though she had been weird the preceding couple of days - which she attributed to moving stress. I helped her put her bedframe together on a Monday night. As soon as Tuesday night, she was being distant and strange again. During the course of the week, her texts were non-committal, non-loving and something had clearly changed. Only TODAY did I realize: this woman used me to help her move down here; help her get her apartment settled; and then broke up with me as soon as my services were no longer needed. She KNEW she was going to do this, but instead of telling me before the move (like a grown up would), she took advantage of me, pretended like things were fine, and then dumped me, as soon as I wasn't useful to her anymore. How can I get over feeling so used and betrayed? How can a person be so selfish as to use their "boyfriend" as essentially manual labor, when all the while they know they're going to dump him in a matter of days? I could use all the input you guys and girls can muster. I thought I was through the worst of this, but it feels like the worst just arrived, once I put the pieces together. OD What. A. Bitch. Rest assured, what you're going through now is totally natural. Not only have you been dumped, but you've been used and manipulated only to be thrown away like a dirty towel. Think about it this way, she's not worth the candle. She's pathetic, she's trashy, she's self-entitled, she's demeaning, etcetera... Count yourself lucky that she didn't use you in other ways: like someone else has stated, pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Buddy, let me tell you right now: (1) Let it go (2) You dodged a bullet (3) Be glad she dumped you when she did. You did a good thing and the right thing, the crappy part is on HER conscience. (4) Let it go. Silence is the best response. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Thank you guys so much for understanding, and for all the responses. I woke up today wondering if I'd get a responses or two; lo and behold, it was a lot of them! So, thanks. I will not contact her to let her know what she did. Chi D is right; she would just play it off like I'm the jerk here, or something. I feel justified knowing that you all think this was a terrible thing for her to do. I will never, ever talk to this person again in my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I advice you to take it with humor, like sport, as if your defence didn't work properly so she managed to score your goal. Sh*t happensI like this. As hurt as I am, I'm going to try to find the humor in it. Ah, she got one past me! Never again though. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Unfortunately, you see this far too often. The dumper's turn into opportunists. If you have a trip, holiday or vacation coming up, the Ex usually sticks around till after the trip, then as soon as you return, they dump you. It's like they think, "okay, I know that I'm going to dump him or her, but we got this trip coming up that I really want to go on. So, I guess I'll stick around and get a free trip out of the deal." Oh man. Had this exact scenario happen with me. We had tickets to a comedy show months in advance. I knew something switched a couple weeks before the show, but she maintained the lovey-dovey texts, emails, phone calls, etc. until after the show. Then, bam. Gone. OD, she had one foot out the door probably as soon as she knew she was moving. Sorry to say that, but I'd bet the house on it. You did NOTHING wrong. At least you can live with knowing that. She $h!t on your heart, but you can't blame someone for wanting out. Having not told you before she employed your services is pretty low, but not the end of the world. Irony is, if you would've been a pr!ck and not helped her, you probably still be in a relationship with her... for a few more weeks anyway. She's moved on to another chapter. Only thing you can do is let her go and do the same yourself. Don't stew about this. Just take it for what it is and let it go ASAP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Only thing you can do is let her go and do the same yourself. Don't stew about this. Just take it for what it is and let it go ASAP.Thanks for your post. I felt I was moving on, until this epiphany hit me that she knew what she was doing the whole time. I feel like a complete idiot for not having seen it. Such is a relationship when the other person is gaslighting you and essentially lying to you. In any case, I'm doing all I can to rebuild life as I knew it before her. I'm seeing my therapist again (who is super empowering and helpful), and have a date this Saturday. Reclaiming who I know I am. I just wish I had gotten out of this relationship earlier. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Confronting would be for him and it helps. Worrying about how she would respond or think isn't the point. The point is that he stands up for himself after being taken advantage of. I've held off confronting and I've confronted too much but when done correctly and for the right reasons I was able to alleviate my own victim thinking and move forward knowing that I had not taken it lying down. The best part is that you want the ignorant and negative response in spite of facts. There is no greater pedestal knocker in my opinion. I'm not advocating revenge or anything more than a text message. Just that the OP gets his two cents in, blocks and walks with his head held high. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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