Assisted GF in her move, then got dumped.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, I appreciate your advice and perspective. I wasn't really all that close to responding. I'm not going to block her number. End of story. If it's to my detriment, so be it. I get pleasure out of watching her squirm. I want to know if she's squirming.

 

This is playing with fire, but I guess do what you want. Seems pretty unnecessary and basically just keeps you in the muck, but you seem to want to hang out there for a bit.

[Oregon_Dude]

This is playing with fire, but I guess do what you want. Seems pretty unnecessary and basically just keeps you in the muck, but you seem to want to hang out there for a bit.

Again, I respect your opinion. I see no need to block her phone number right now. While it may be a mistake, at least I'm not contacting her. I've been wrong before and will be wrong again. Advice is like AA - take what you need, and leave the rest.

[dumbass2]

"I've been wrong before and will be wrong again. Advice is like AA - take what you need, and leave the rest."

 

At least you are being honest with yourself. You're right, we all make mistakes when it comes to matters of the heart. You're right in that you make all final decisions on what you do. No one here is 100% right all the time.

 

Just be mindful that she may text or email or try something else and it will be more apologetic or whatever she feels will soften you up to the point you give in and reply. That may be coming and right now your heart is in control of most every emotion. I think you may want that apology, but problem is, once you get that what will it truly do to you this early on? This kind of B.S. from an ex this early is essentially meaningless. They do whatever they can to be in control and make sure they are not the bad person. When you disappear, they are not in control. If you go 3-4 months down the road with no contact and you hear from her, you might take that a little more honestly from her then right now. emotions are too high this early. Do you best to keep them in check with her. Let us know if she sends anything before you might think of responding. It is best to block, but I understand where you are at.

[Oregon_Dude]

Thanks, dumbass (which is hilarious to say). I have never blocked an ex's phone number before. I change their name in my phone. Last ex became "Do Not Answer". This one became "Does Not Care About You". This way, I get to see whatever BS is being thrown my way while also knowing it's totally self-serving.

 

I'm sure it's because I'm still on the "high" of receiving contact, but the fact is, I feel I have been put back in control. I'm sure I'll hear from her again, and it will either be accusatory or repentant. I'll make sure to keep you guys posted so that others can learn from my story.

 

And yes, I believe that mistakes are part of the process and that we are all probably going to make them, regardless of the sagest advice. I have done much worse, like contacting my ex last year and having a phone convo, two months after it ended. Set me back again.

[NVO]

My ex also send me the famous "I'm thinking of you" text. I responded. Didn't get my anywhere.

 

Keep going OD, you're doing just fine. I can feel you about the whole blocking thing, it's not my style either. But if she keeps on harassing you with useless texts, I guess blocking her for your own sanity is not a bad idea.

[Oregon_Dude]

if she keeps on harassing you with useless texts, I guess blocking her for your own sanity is not a bad idea.

Thanks man. Glad you understand. I don't view it as harassment (not yet). She thinks she's being gracious, but fact is, she proved herself to be a sh*tty GF. I'm glad I know the truth and can move on knowing I was nothing but loving.

[aloneinaz]

I'm as hardcore as they come to blocking all social media and NC. But, I'll also be honest in saying I didn't delete my last exes phone number either. Why? Because I've received texts in the past from people who I had deleted their number and wasn't sure who the text was from. I certainly wasn't going to say "um, who's this?" I'd delete her text/texts ALL OF THEM.

 

 

You're enjoying the contact high but you're also enjoying being in CONTROL again. Yup, she ended the relationship but.. now you're in control in deciding if you'll ever engage w/her again. That does feel good. Just recognize that she may never text again which is a good thing.

 

 

I've personally been a believer in "silence is golden". Everyone hates to be ignored, especially a dumper who thought the dumpee was sitting around like a little puppy, hoping for any attention.

[Oregon_Dude]

Thanks az. I have deleted all her texts... including this last one. I don't want that mind pollution on my phone. Also, you're totally right - I may never hear from her again, and that is a good thing. She can say she reached out; I can say I did what was best for me, which was not responding. Either way I think we can both feel good about things (not that I care how she feels). I do believe that sooner or later, she will realize that she messed up a good thing.. but I also realize that she was ultimately NOT a good partner.

 

I was hoping for this to happen, and it did. I feel I can truly move on knowing that I'm not engaging with a toxic person, and that I understand more about what I DON'T want in a relationship.

[SoThatHappened]

I got so many similar breadcrumbs, even apologies. Then nothing for months. I was always hoping she'd come back begging. Dumb, but that's where my messed up head was.

 

3 months after breakup, I got a long text from her apologising and "hoping I'm OK".

 

Was on a high for a while but fell further than I needed to afterwards.

 

Nothing from her now in 11.5 months. Hurt to ACTUALLY accept it was over but the biggest step in my process. I hope you get there soon without more setbacks.

[Oregon_Dude]

I got so many similar breadcrumbs, even apologies. Then nothing for months. I was always hoping she'd come back begging. Dumb, but that's where my messed up head was.

 

3 months after breakup, I got a long text from her apologising and "hoping I'm OK".

 

Was on a high for a while but fell further than I needed to afterwards.

 

Nothing from her now in 11.5 months. Hurt to ACTUALLY accept it was over but the biggest step in my process. I hope you get there soon without more setbacks.

Thanks. I don't think it was dumb of you to hope she'd come back begging. That's just part of the process. I guess I hope that too, but I have also realized that if she is capable of cutting me off emotionally once, she can do it again and again.

 

Anyway, I don't consider her breadcrumb a "setback". It's helped me know that I'm ignoring her now, and in charge of my own recovery from this. I feel like intellectually that I have accepted it's over, but maybe not. Who knows. It IS over, so I'm going to be forced to deal with the reality of it.

[qubist]

Oregan Dude: a total NC is recommended for those that are strugling to move on from a relationship, which doesn't seem to be your case, as long as you are not in any pain after what happened between the 2 of you you shouldn't worry about it , only you that can determine whether these messages are triggering anything or not.

If I were you I won't block her number I would be curious to see what she wants

[Oregon_Dude]

Oregan Dude: a total NC is recommended for those that are strugling to move on from a relationship, which doesn't seem to be your case, as long as you are not in any pain after what happened between the 2 of you you shouldn't worry about it , only you that can determine whether these messages are triggering anything or not.

If I were you I won't block her number I would be curious to see what she wants

Of course I'm in pain about it. I'm not going to contact her, though. I doubt she'll get ahold of me again, but who knows. Each day brings me closer to acceptance and recovery.

[Buckeye2]

I did a ton for her - loading the truck, driving it 7 hours, unloading, organizing, etc. During the next couple of days, I went to Ikea and Target with her. I helped her put her bed frame together on a Monday night.

 

If she wasn't your girl friend then it was business. Send her an itemized bill for your services. Who paid for the gas?

 

She was acting sweet towards me, though she had been weird the preceding couple of days - which she attributed to moving stress.

 

Did she have sex with you? If so deduct her services on the itemized bill.

 

BJ $50 credit

[Oregon_Dude]

Ha! Will do. Thanks for a laugh, I need them lately.

[qubist]

 

Did she have sex with you? If so deduct her services on the itemized bill.

 

BJ $50 credit

:D

That's the coolest post in all LS.

it would be cool if Oregon dude sent her a bill with a sex fee deduction

[PaperCrane]

Thanks, dumbass (which is hilarious to say). I have never blocked an ex's phone number before. I change their name in my phone. Last ex became "Do Not Answer". This one became "Does Not Care About You". This way, I get to see whatever BS is being thrown my way while also knowing it's totally self-serving.

 

I'm sure it's because I'm still on the "high" of receiving contact, but the fact is, I feel I have been put back in control. I'm sure I'll hear from her again, and it will either be accusatory or repentant. I'll make sure to keep you guys posted so that others can learn from my story.

 

And yes, I believe that mistakes are part of the process and that we are all probably going to make them, regardless of the sagest advice. I have done much worse, like contacting my ex last year and having a phone convo, two months after it ended. Set me back again.

 

Absolutely perfect.

[Oregon_Dude]

I'm feeling very sad, very conflicted. It doesn't feel right not talking to her, as much as I know I shouldn't. I keep replaying the events leading to the breakup in my head, wondering what I could have done differently. When she texted me almost 3 weeks ago saying "I'm really not sure if I want to be in a relationship right now...", I didn't respond. To me it meant: I don't want to be with you. I blocked her on FB and went NC.

 

There's a chance I could have talked her into staying.. but why should I have to do that? If you're not sure you want to be with me, then I'm gone. Was it hasty? All I know is I didn't want to be in limbo anymore. So if that meant taking the reigns and ending things between us on my end, I was going to do it.

 

She has texted me three times since then. Two days after the above text: "Did you block me on FB?" Four days later: "You can cash my check on the 17th." Then two days ago: "I really don't know what's going on.. I really hope you're doing well. I have been thinking about you."

 

My feeling is that she's pretending she didn't break up with me. Playing the victim. Seeing if she can get a response. I hate the way things drifted into nothingness between us. But I was so tired of the wishy-washy behavior, the strained affection, the not knowing where I stood. I can't be in a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't love me.

 

I could have fought for her. Should I have? What's the point? I hate these power games, and even though I have technically regained some by not responding, it all feels so childish. I have simply gotten to the point, though, where I cannot stick my hand in that fire and be rejected by her anymore.

 

To top it all off, I feel sorry for her because she's living down here now without a social circle, without her mom. But for all I know, she left me for someone and/or is getting banged by someone new. It certainly would explain the pulling away, as this girl is a classic co-dependent who can't stand being alone. I was going to be here for her. I was gonna be her rock. But she didn't know how she felt about me.. how long is the rock supposed to f*cking wait to see if he's needed and wanted?

 

I'm a jumble of emotions. Pity for her, for myself, angry at her, wondering if I made a mistake by not giving her enough time to process her move. Thing is, I'm here. She's got my number. She could call if she wanted. But my feeling is, she's now angry that I didn't respond, and hates me.

 

What a mess. We had both been excited for her to be living here for the preceding months we'd been dating. And she moves here, and it doesn't even play out. This was a short relationship, but so much happened, and we were so good together in so many ways, that I feel like we have both sabotaged what could have been an amazing partnership.

 

But she was the saboteur. She couldn't keep her feelings for me while going through the stress of moving. I thought people were supposed to lean on each other during hard times. But this girl is 21 (almost 22, her b-day is Monday), and I just think because of her age and emotional issues (some borderline indications) that we didn't stand a chance.

 

I'm going to bed now. I sure would love to wake up and read some encouraging comments, or if anyone thinks I should have done something differently. I know it's a long and unusual tale, so let me know if you have any questions. When I started this thread stating that she intentionally used me to move while knowing all along she was going to dump me.. I don't know if that's true. I don't know if she was 'malicious'. Maybe she had a genuine change of heart; maybe our long week together changed things for her. All I know is that I do still love her. And I hate that I still love her. And I do think she still thinks about me. And I feel bad for what we're both going through - though what I am going through is undoubtedly different than her.

 

Thanks for reading.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Oregon_Dude

[Simon Phoenix]

And this is why you should have blocked. This contact has you doing some extreme mental gymnastics. She used you and broke up with you. Stop trying to make this an organic chemistry problem.

[Trick1004]

Oregon Dude,

 

It's been awhile since I posted here but your situation caught my eye.

 

My opinion, you've been doing the right thing for yourself and should keep at it with NC. Bottom line she used you to help move and then wanted to cut ties. Now maybe the guilt is catching up to her and she's putting feelers out to make sure you're good, you don't hate her, whatever. If she wanted to make amends it would be a hell of a lot more than the texts you've received.

 

Here's a scenario: Suppose you do respond and maybe the two of you text back and forth for a couple days. Maybe you even spend a couple hours on the phone with her and then she gives you the "lets be friends". This goes on for a few months and then she disappears. How will you feel?

 

She wanted you out, so give her that and let her deal with her decision. No need to help her cope anymore.

 

Trick

[aloneinaz]

Oregon,

 

 

What your going through and all those thoughts, feelings and emotions are absolutely normal at the stage you're at. Don't fight them nor give them too much power. Right now you're in a battle between your heart and your brain doing your thinking. Again, very normal.

 

 

The ONLY thing you can do is POWER THROUGH this period. In my opinion, you're in withdrawal of her and that relationship because it was a habit and you're searching for justifications to contact her for "one more hit" of the drug. Understand that a heroin user who's trying to stay clean can not have an "occasional hit" if he wants to stay sober. They have to stay away and the feelings ease with every passing day.

 

 

You know this gal has issues and way too much baggage. You know she didn't want you and that it won't work out for any length of time. Trust me my friend, I know it's hard but stay the course for your best interests. Stay NC and if you can, block her from texting you. Staying NC and time passing will make this easier and easier as time passes.

 

 

Eventually you'll be feeling much better. You'll recognize that you want some female companionship and will start dating again and meet a normal woman who rocks your world.

[Oregon_Dude]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the perspectives.

[Chi townD]

I'm feeling very sad, very conflicted. It doesn't feel right not talking to her, as much as I know I shouldn't. I keep replaying the events leading to the breakup in my head, wondering what I could have done differently. When she texted me almost 3 weeks ago saying "I'm really not sure if I want to be in a relationship right now...", I didn't respond. To me it meant: I don't want to be with you. I blocked her on FB and went NC.

 

 

 

 

 

I could have fought for her. Should I have? What's the point? I hate these power games, and even though I have technically regained some by not responding, it all feels so childish.

 

But for all I know, she left me for someone and/or is getting banged by someone new. It certainly would explain the pulling away, as this girl is a classic co-dependent who can't stand being alone.

 

I'm a jumble of emotions. Pity for her, for myself, angry at her, wondering if I made a mistake by not giving her enough time to process her move. Thing is, I'm here. She's got my number. She could call if she wanted. But my feeling is, she's now angry that I didn't respond, and hates me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm going to bed now. I sure would love to wake up and read some encouraging comments, or if anyone thinks I should have done something differently. I know it's a long and unusual tale, so let me know if you have any questions. When I started this thread stating that she intentionally used me to move while knowing all along she was going to dump me.. I don't know if that's true. I don't know if she was 'malicious'. Maybe she had a genuine change of heart; maybe our long week together changed things for her. All I know is that I do still love her. And I hate that I still love her. And I do think she still thinks about me. And I feel bad for what we're both going through - though what I am going through is undoubtedly different than her.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

AND!!!!!! Here we are on that rollercoaster! Hell, of a lot different post from the "burn, bitch, burn" posts we've been seeing. Now you're sad and second guessing everything. Dude, THIS IS NORMAL! But, you have to keep strong.

 

 

You're going to have feeling of wanting to get closure, wanting to understand what YOU did wrong to cause her to break up with you. Well, here's the rub, she broke up with you. That's your closure. She made a choice and decided that your services as a boyfriend are no longer required.

 

 

Dude, you deserve better and you don't owe her anything.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Chi townD

[Oregon_Dude]

Chi. Just one stupid question. Do you consider "I'm not really sure if I want a relationship right now" to be breaking up with me?

[angel.eyes]

See, this is why you delete all contact information!

 

Like clockwork, you've gone from angry, to questioning, to trying to rationalize reaching out to salvage things..soon to be followed by a major setback and restarting the recovery process.

[Oregon_Dude]

See, this is why you delete all contact information!

 

Like clockwork, you've gone from angry to questioning to trying to rationalize reaching out to salvage things..soon to be followed by a major setback and restarting the recovery process.

I don't know if it's a "major setback". I didn't contact her or anything. I don't consider myself restarting the recovery process. I'm still on the fence about blocking her number. I might. I'm just wondering if there's anything I misinterpreted or could have done differently. Pathetic, I know.