Assisted GF in her move, then got dumped.

[Oregon_Dude]

She sent you a picture? Completely unnecessary and absolutely cruel. Why would she send you that knowing she's the one who ended things. That's really mean.

I can't figure it out for the life of me. Maybe it was a sign of interest, but her words aren't matching up with that. It's honestly one of the weirdest things she's done. Like, don't forget me, or something.

[Simon Phoenix]

I can't figure it out for the life of me. Maybe it was a sign of interest, but her words aren't matching up with that. It's honestly one of the weirdest things she's done. Like, don't forget me, or something.

 

You need to stop analyzing this stuff. It's really counterproductive. There's nothing to figure out except what you need to do to move forward.

[Oregon_Dude]

She said she didn't even send me a photo. She thought I was talking about her phone, and said her phone was acting up.

 

I know for 99.9% certainty that that photo was meant for a new person. She was looking into the camera in a flirty way, etc. Whatever. She couldn't give a f*ck about how much she hurt me. The way this all went down - all signs point to cheating/going after someone new.

[writergal]

She said she didn't even send me a photo. She thought I was talking about her phone, and said her phone was acting up.

 

I know for 99.9% certainty that that photo was meant for a new person. She was looking into the camera in a flirty way, etc. Whatever. She couldn't give a f*ck about how much she hurt me. The way this all went down - all signs point to cheating/going after someone new.

 

Wow, she sounds like a handful, OD. Did she minor in "head games" in college, I wonder? Talk about a manipulative liar. Yowza! I'm sure she had good qualities or you wouldn't have dated her. Sometimes, it takes events like a new city move for people to show you their true colors.

 

She probably sent you that photo intentionally to play head games with you. And...it worked because it triggered an angry response from you which is what she wants. She wants to continue to emotionally manipulate you like she must have (?) during your relationship.

 

This is why its not good for you to stay in contact with her -- especially now that you've settled financial matters with her regarding that check she owed you. Ok, you don't have to delete her phone # from your cell, but it's good that you blocked her from your social media. She's still got her hooks in you. Time to remove them yourself because you know that she won't. She's not mature enough to leave you alone. She wants your attention to boost her ego when she needs a boost, even if she's already seeing another guy, which is why I think she dumped you as soon as you finished helping her move to your city.

[Art_Critic]

if there ever was a time when my advice would be "pick yourself up" and "get right back on the horse" this would be it.

 

Man.. what she did sucked but leave her to her own issues... pick yourself up as much as it hurts and go find another girl and leave all memory of her in the dust...

 

Sorry she did that to you...

[Oregon_Dude]

She probably sent you that photo intentionally to play head games with you. And...it worked because it triggered an angry response from you which is what she wants. She wants to continue to emotionally manipulate you like she must have (?) during your relationship.

Thanks, writer. I didn't send an angry response - I simply said, why did you send me a selfie? Either there really was a glitch in her email (doubtful), or yes, she is lying. I agree, she is trying to f*ck with me. I'm just really mad because I had 3 weeks NC and was forced to talk to her b/c of this money, which I need.

 

And I'm really angry that there is someone else. Good luck with him. My only consolation, as bad as it is, is that I've already had sex with her plenty and dealt with her emotional ups and downs.. I've "had" her and know what that's like.

 

As they say.. she wasn't your girlfriend; it was just your turn.

[writergal]

Thanks, writer. I didn't send an angry response - I simply said, why did you send me a selfie? Either there really was a glitch in her email (doubtful), or yes, she is lying. I agree, she is trying to f*ck with me. I'm just really mad because I had 3 weeks NC and was forced to talk to her b/c of this money, which I need.

 

And I'm really angry that there is someone else. Good luck with him. My only consolation, as bad as it is, is that I've already had sex with her plenty and dealt with her emotional ups and downs.. I've "had" her and know what that's like.

 

As they say.. she wasn't your girlfriend; it was just your turn.

 

No, no, OD, I wrote that her email to you elicited an angry response in you; not that you wrote her an angry response. S'ok though.

 

It's only been 3 weeks so give yourself time to fully recover from this bad relationship. Hopefully the next woman you date will be a better match for you. Hugs.

[RoseVille]

Call her out on it. She will deny it and then you stick to your guns and say, "No matter you say, I know the truth, you're low class and ultimately I'm glad you showed your true colors."

 

Then move on with your dignity, knowing that you didn't let it slide you just didn't let it get to you.

 

Do you think the first and second paragraphs are consistent?

 

Do you think calling someone low class maintains your dignity and shows they didn't get to you?

 

Yeah, opposite effect.

[NoMoreJerks]

I sympathize with you, OP. That's a sh***y thing, what your ex did. I've been treated like this as well, by my ex-bf, who used me in every way (including financially), milked me for food, stuff for his son, etc., then dumped me like one dumps trash on the roadside, and worse, went around telling everyone *I* was crazy and abusive. The best thing to do is to let go, and let your actions speak loudly for the type of person and bf you are. I know it's not much consolation, but there is not much else you can do, unfortunately, other than wish her the worst -- that one day, she will come across someone who will use HER and abuse HER, the way she did to you.

[dumbass2]

She said she would send you a check. Do nothing else. Do not respond to anything. She is clearly playing you. She has your address. She knows how much. She just has to put it in the mail. If she doesn't? Do not ask her again about. Remain silent and non responsive. Don't let it appear to her that there is something you really want from her. You want nothing. This seems to be total game playing by her and nothing else.

[aloneinaz]

She said she didn't even send me a photo. She thought I was talking about her phone, and said her phone was acting up.

 

I know for 99.9% certainty that that photo was meant for a new person. She was looking into the camera in a flirty way, etc. Whatever. She couldn't give a f*ck about how much she hurt me. The way this all went down - all signs point to cheating/going after someone new.

 

I disagree. She sent that to you to further screw with you. You shouldn't get upset by it, what so ever. It should only reinforce how damaged she is and that you don't have to deal w/her craziness any further.

 

 

OD, I have to say, you REALLY need to accept that she isn't healthy for you (or anyone else) and recognize you need to stay NC. Personally, I wouldn't hold my breath for that check either. She's going to probably hold that $ over your head as a way to keep trying to mess w/you. As the other person stated, if you get the check and it clears or you don't, don't respond to her anymore. She CLEARLY believes you're wrapped around her little finger. Time to knock that chip off her shoulder by providing dead silence to any further contact. She's the type that will get very annoyed that she's lost her power over you.

 

 

Heal yourself OD. In no time, you'll feel better and be ready to date and hopefully meet someone more mature and emotionally healthy. Two things this ex wasn't.

[Oregon_Dude]

az, I have no idea what happened i/r/t the photos she did, or did not mean to send me. Any way about it, something is shady. She either sent it on purpose, then denied it; sent it by accident when it was meant for someone else; or whatever. As Simon mentioned, I should be done trying to decipher her stupid code. All I know is, she's young, immature, inconsiderate and self-centered.

 

However, I am to blame for my dating choices, as mtnbiker mentioned in another thread. What is it about the women I'm choosing? I'm so into the idea of falling in love that oftentimes I completely decide to minimize or ignore red flags. I think all people have red flags to some degree or another - we all have things others can judge us on. However, when they add up, sometimes you get a mentally disturbed individual.

 

Anyway, to az - I don't think this other check she sends is going to bounce. She initiated contact wanting to pay it. I don't know if it's an insidious means towards having control over me, or whatever. I think all of her actions over the past month - exactly, as she started being really weird around July 24 - have pointed towards not loving me, being unstable, and being untrustworthy. So, to az again - you are right that I need to accept how unhealthy she is for me. As far as contact, I'd been pretty proud of the NC I had going for 3 weeks, until I was forced to respond, since I want my money and all. Also, there's no way in hell I'm going to let this money slide, even if this next one bounces or if I don't receive it. I'll just email her again and eventually get my money. I cannot have her thinking not paying me is OK. Anyway, I'm sure I'll get it.

 

I'm pretty embarrassed about this whole saga, tbh. It's gotten a sh*t-ton of views and I imagine people feel kind of sorry for me or something. However, don't. I made the choice to date this person; I chose to help her move here; I ignored red flags like her cutting, her unstable relationships etc. (all hallmarks of BPD, which is a possibility). In the end, I apparently wasn't worth her time or effort. She's young, selfish and has emotional issues, but I don't think she's an intentionally cruel person.

 

One thing I'll be able to hold my head up about is never begging, pleading or demeaning myself in order to try to stay with this girl. (Yes, GIRL. This is not a woman. A woman knows who she is and how to express herself and communicate. Not just run away.) Some minor mistakes, but we all make them.

 

After I receive this check and make SURE it clears with my bank, I will block her on email and phone. Until then though, I want to make sure I can reach her if I need to - ONLY about the money. I'm hoping the memories become less frequent and the power they have over me lessens (although this is really a matter of new experiences and time). I'll post here if there are any significant updates, and/or once the money situation is over. Thanks guys and gals for reading. I'd say its been a pleasure, but it f*cking hasn't.

 

OD

Edited August 24, 2015 by Oregon_Dude

[Chi townD]

You're not really breaking NC if you're conducting business that needs to be concluded. Tying up those loose ends so nothing is left pending when you go strict NC.

 

 

One thing that has me leery is I could care less about the photo and I'm more concerned about giving her your address. It's a power and control thing with her. She has your phone number, email and now she has your address.

Edited August 24, 2015 by Chi townD

[EgoJoe]

I agree with Chi. It's absolutely about power. Had you confronted her and then gone no contact you'd feel empowered, be further along and you'd have her off of that pedestal.

 

When you confront people on shady behavior you get a glimpse into who they really are as they do not have time to filter themselves due to ego and emotional posturing.

 

I firmly believe in confronting game playing Women. The longer Men give them carte blanche to act this way the more they will try to get away with. If you get back together with her, she'll know how much begging, pleading etc will work.

 

Confront and vanish. The best is yet to come. For every psycho, needy, loser Woman out there using good men there is another good looking, educated, professional Woman who is dying for a MAN to marry.

 

A month and a half after leaving my cheating Ex I met my new girlfriend who makes the old girlfriend look like trailer trash.

[thespacey1]

Forgive me if I missed some details, but for her to break up with you like this leads me to believe the relationship had some pretty big issues already. Are you saying you didn't have any clue that the relationship was about to end?? Did you do anything that may have hurt her recently???

[Els]

How can I get over feeling so used and betrayed?

 

 

Well, it does seem like she used you, which was pretty awful of her, but to be honest this is very minor as far as relationship betrayals go. You spent a few days tops, helping her move. There are people who have lost years in relationships where they were being cheated on, etc, and many of them have healed and learnt to love again when the right person came into their life. I'm sure you will be able to do so as well.

 

Go NC as soon as you can get everything settled. Hoping for a speedy recovery for you.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Elswyth

[aloneinaz]

az, I have no idea what happened i/r/t the photos she did, or did not mean to send me. Any way about it, something is shady. She either sent it on purpose, then denied it; sent it by accident when it was meant for someone else; or whatever. As Simon mentioned, I should be done trying to decipher her stupid code. All I know is, she's young, immature, inconsiderate and self-centered.

 

However, I am to blame for my dating choices, as mtnbiker mentioned in another thread. What is it about the women I'm choosing? I'm so into the idea of falling in love that oftentimes I completely decide to minimize or ignore red flags. I think all people have red flags to some degree or another - we all have things others can judge us on. However, when they add up, sometimes you get a mentally disturbed individual.

 

Anyway, to az - I don't think this other check she sends is going to bounce. She initiated contact wanting to pay it. I don't know if it's an insidious means towards having control over me, or whatever. I think all of her actions over the past month - exactly, as she started being really weird around July 24 - have pointed towards not loving me, being unstable, and being untrustworthy. So, to az again - you are right that I need to accept how unhealthy she is for me. As far as contact, I'd been pretty proud of the NC I had going for 3 weeks, until I was forced to respond, since I want my money and all. Also, there's no way in hell I'm going to let this money slide, even if this next one bounces or if I don't receive it. I'll just email her again and eventually get my money. I cannot have her thinking not paying me is OK. Anyway, I'm sure I'll get it.

 

I'm pretty embarrassed about this whole saga, tbh. It's gotten a sh*t-ton of views and I imagine people feel kind of sorry for me or something. However, don't. I made the choice to date this person; I chose to help her move here; I ignored red flags like her cutting, her unstable relationships etc. (all hallmarks of BPD, which is a possibility). In the end, I apparently wasn't worth her time or effort. She's young, selfish and has emotional issues, but I don't think she's an intentionally cruel person.

 

One thing I'll be able to hold my head up about is never begging, pleading or demeaning myself in order to try to stay with this girl. (Yes, GIRL. This is not a woman. A woman knows who she is and how to express herself and communicate. Not just run away.) Some minor mistakes, but we all make them.

 

After I receive this check and make SURE it clears with my bank, I will block her on email and phone. Until then though, I want to make sure I can reach her if I need to - ONLY about the money. I'm hoping the memories become less frequent and the power they have over me lessens (although this is really a matter of new experiences and time). I'll post here if there are any significant updates, and/or once the money situation is over. Thanks guys and gals for reading. I'd say its been a pleasure, but it f*cking hasn't.

 

OD

 

 

If I was in your shoes here, I'd look at the facts. She's still just a young kid at 21. She has emotional issues that could be real serious if she's BPD.

When we get older, we look back at what we were like at 21 and go "OMG, I was such an immature jerk who thought I knew it all".. My GF has a 20 YO daughter who is awesome. She's also A KID who doesn't think like a fully mature, adult.

 

 

OD, you need to work on your self esteem and confidence my friend. You're taking the actions of this kid far too personal IMOP. Stop asking yourself what you did wrong for her "to use you and treat you this way". She's just immature w/bags of issues. Only you know if you made mistakes w/her or not but from what you posted, you're better off finding a healthy, mature woman.