SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 People can suck. You've experienced that here. You're not an idiot for not seeing it, but now you're better equipped and more experienced. Honestly, that's the main benefit I got out of the girl who did that to me. Also, don't think you meant nothing to her. You probably meant a lot, but she was using a defense mechanism to become cold. People who have done this can also have an epiphany in the form of, "How the F did I let that person go?" Chin up. You did a good thing and got hurt. Again, YOU did nothing wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Joe, while I appreciate your opinion, there is no way in h*ll I'm going to confront this evil woman. She wouldn't care what I had to say, it wouldn't make her look at her own actions, it wouldn't help me. As much as I'd like to say one last piece, ultimately it would fall on deaf and defensive ears. I know what she did was effed up, and deep down, in a place where she won't admit it, she knows it too. Plus, I'm too emotionally vulnerable to handle a response, or lack of response. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 The point is that he stands up for himself after being taken advantage of. No better way to stand up for yourself than vanish as if they meant nothing. Best of both worlds. They're left wondering, "How could he/she not contact me at all?" You're left moving on with your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 No better way to stand up for yourself than vanish as if they meant nothing. Best of both worlds. They're left wondering, "How could he/she not contact me at all?" You're left moving on with your life.I agree with this sentiment. However, she's not wondering 'how could I not contact her'. She's getting exactly what she wants - me gone from her life. You know, because I was such a terrible BF and all. Only thing I gain is knowing I'm not feeding her insatiable ego by contacting, begging, pleading, etc. It's funny, when we were together, she'd show me texts/screenshots of guys who she had either dated in the past, or ones who were interested in her, who wouldn't leave her alone. She was disgusted by them. So, at least I won't be one of her sycophants. In fact, I might be the first ex she's had who let her walk away and never contacted her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Only thing I gain is knowing I'm not feeding her insatiable ego by contacting, begging, pleading, etc. I did that with my Ex, but I had a good reason to break NC because the way she broke up with me was all F'd up and I needed answers, which I got. I'm glad I did it, but it's not for everyone. It's funny, when we were together, she'd show me texts/screenshots of guys who she had either dated in the past, or ones who were interested in her, who wouldn't leave her alone. Those are some big red flags. If I'm dating someone and they're telling me about their Ex or showing me pics of them, I'm gonna split. I'd never bring up past relationships with my GF, ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Those are some big red flags. If I'm dating someone and they're telling me about their Ex or showing me pics of them, I'm gonna split. I'd never bring up past relationships with my GF, ever.If it's a red flag, then I made the same mistake. We were quite open about everything. I mentioned my exes. It was a sticky subject, and hard to navigate without p*ssing her off. I will not talk about exes at all in my next situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 BTW Gus, she wasn't showing me pics of the guys. It was ss's of the actual text convos. FWIW. In any case, she's used to being fawned over, having tons of guys begging for her attention. Newsflash: you are not that f*cking special. You're cute. There are lots of cute women, and a lot of them aren't cold, heartless b*tches. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 BTW Gus, she wasn't showing me pics of the guys. It was ss's of the actual text convos. FWIW. In any case, she's used to being fawned over, having tons of guys begging for her attention. Newsflash: you are not that f*cking special. You're cute. There are lots of cute women, and a lot of them aren't cold, heartless b*tches. It will catch up to her someday, in one way or another. Karma always seems to bite people in the butt. She'll be all head over heels w/some guy and he'll crap on her then dumper her, giving her a taste of her own medicine. People SSOO often miss-understand the power of silence. EVERYONE hates to be ignored, everyone. Dumpers EXPECT the dumpee's to beg, cower, plead and cry over them because they are all that and a bag of chips.. When they dump someone and that person vanishes? It's a big blow to their self esteem, especially if they "reach out" with a "how you doing" text down the road and get further ignored.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I disagree, aloneinaz. Karma, in a Buddhist sense, just means action. This is the action she took. It doesn't mean there will be a similar action done to her in the future. Plus, I'll never know what does or does not happen to her in life. I do hope you're right that everyone hates being ignored. I hope that she realizes as I continue to ignore her that I'm moving on. I'm looking forward to future breadcrumbs that I can ignore. My guess is, though, that she's hooking up with other people, talking to friends about how we weren't right, etc. and generally using others to validate her decision to break up with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I will not talk about exes at all in my next situation. I dated a girl once who always compared me with her Ex. "I wish you were more like 'so-and-so', he'd always do this/that for me". Lame. Yeah, it's better to leave the past behind you. No one want to be compared to an EX or anyone else for that matter, that's never a good situation. Ignorance is bliss, clean slate, fresh start! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I disagree, aloneinaz. Karma, in a Buddhist sense, just means action. I thought it had to do with causality through cause and effect. If your motives are good you'll find happiness in your future and if your motives are bad you'll find misfortune in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Anyone else think it will bother her to be ignored? I know, I'm grasping at f*cking straws at this point... just trying to find some light in the tunnel. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Well, I know it bothered my ex. I completely became a ghost and got a text 3 months after NC. She said she knows I don't want to hear from her, I'm heavy on her mind, and she's sorry. I didn't respond. Took a while but I got over it. That's all you can really do, even though it sucks. But, that's the light at the end of the tunnel for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 ^ Thanks. My ex isn't the type to apologize or take responsibility for anything, so the chances of that happening are slim to none. It's just gonna be a matter of time, self-improvement and dating on this one. So disappointed in who she truly is. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 ^ Thanks. My ex isn't the type to apologize or take responsibility for anything, so the chances of that happening are slim to none. My friend, I thought the same exact thing when my last ex ended us. I absolutely vanished from her life even though it hurt like hell. I blocked her everywhere on social media, healed and started dating a couple of months later. I met my now 2 year GF a few months after the ex dumped me. Fast forward 5-6 months later, my ex broke contact. She stopped by my place but I was napping. She then texted me a long apology. I ignored her. She then sent a long email a couple of weeks later, falling all over herself, apologizing, missed me, wanted another chance, blah, blah, blah.. My GF asked me to reply and let her know I was happy in a new relationship and good luck.. Here's the karma part. She was a total selfish, lying, emotionally abusive, nasty bitch that I put up with far too long. I knew I didn't deserve her treatment and was a great BF to her. After my reply to her, she didn't give up. She kept emailing, telling me she was crying, upset, couldn't sleep, missed me soo much.. This went on for a few months though I ignored her. She basically suffered horrible dumpers remorse and went through hell for several months knowing I wouldn't come back to her like she thought I would.. I'm rambling but, I've seen far too many examples of people being aholes and it catching up to them. I've had karma bite me in the butt as well.. Stay NC, heal and you'll be fine. If you vanish from this exes life, I'd bet $ she'll reappear in the future to see if she still has power over you. That's when you'll get some pleasure in ignoring her. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Anyone else think it will bother her to be ignored? I know, I'm grasping at f*cking straws at this point... just trying to find some light in the tunnel. Nope. Having read your story, I don't think she'll think twice about the whole thing, at least until it is time to move again, and she needs another victim. Then she'll think about how well it worked on you. What can you do about that, other than to forget it? Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 As if you need more people telling you not to confront her. Don't confront her. Also, she'll probably talk about you in the same disgusted manner as all of her other ex's. Don't think she won't blow things out of proportion, and make you seem like the devil, so the next sap can be the knight in shining armor. You'll never "win" with her, but luckily you don't have to. She might try to butter you up at some point, telling you how much she appreciated your help moving, and that she still "cares" about you. It might bother her in a few months, but she just moved. She has other stuff to worry about besides you. You served your purpose to her already. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Don't expect to get over this crappy feeling quickly. Time is your friend, and it's really the only thing that will make it go away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 na49, a lot of what you wrote doesn't help. You're projecting some- I recall your situation, all 45 pages of it. I'll be fine. I don't care how I'm being portrayed by her - I did nothing but be a good BF. Sorry to sound like a jerk, but let's be careful not to kick those who are down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 "I really sincerely hope you are doing well. I have been thinking of you." She wants me to tell her everything is fine, so she can feel better. She does not love me. Gimme some support and backup here, LS. PS. I'm not gonna respond, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
912brian24 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Yea she probably just got railed anyways! Just responded and say " I wish I was doing we'll but the heroin is ready starting to take it's toll! Oh and then send her the ? emoji! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 LOL, Brian. Help me see the light, LS. I don't wanna do something dumb like write back. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hum.. maybe her new place isn't working out and she needs help moving again?? lol IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hum.. maybe her new place isn't working out and she needs help moving again?? lolPerfect! Thanks, az. Link to post Share on other sites
912brian24 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 LOL, Brian. Help me see the light, LS. I don't wanna do something dumb like write back. We've all slipped and sent that text before and I know it's hard! I got surprised by my ex showing up at my house today and you start running all those emotions through your head and it's hard! You know you can't send the txt but you probably will! Good luck with whatever decision you make! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Thanks, Brian. I'll let her feel how it is to be completely ignored. Link to post Share on other sites
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