Could this work out for me? How?

[bl23]

I've known a girl for about five months now, and although initially I wasn't interested in her romantically (we both had partners anyway) I've grown to like her more and more. Since becoming single, we've both become closer to each-other, and we've discovered a lot of common ground. I've hinted at perhaps dating one another, and all signs were positive until her ex (of four years) came back into the picture, whereas now I feel I'm simply a good friend. Admittedly, neither of us would be ready to start a new relationship. I would say I'm in a very good position in regards to my break-up, but although I'm not wanting to reconcile I still have fleeting thoughts of my ex returning to me "realizing her mistake", or I get hurt over what was said after we split. As for this girl, she's still in a vulnerable position as it's still early days, and she's in that stage where she wants to fix things with her ex (which I wouldn't consider healthy for her, but it's not my place to say anything). What's got me thinking is that about a week ago she asked, out of the blue, if I wanted to go for lunch together. It was a pleasant experience, and played out somewhat like how a date would. She didn't talk about her ex until I inquired how she was coping, but the conversation was brief. As it wasn't labelled a date, I don't wish to look too much into it, but since she was the one to ask me out so-to-speak I can't help but feel she has some interest in me? Though in what capacity I wouldn't know.

 

I would imagine most people would question why I want to date someone who currently is romantically unavailable to me, but I guess what I'm trying to ask is how do I react to this situation to give myself the best possibility of dating her in the future assuming this situation with her ex blows over? Or, put simply, how do I avoid the friend-zone in this case?

Edited August 12, 2015 by bl23

[PaperCrane]

Tell her the truth.

 

Say that during your time together as single people your feelings grew. Due to this fact, while she's unavailble you too will be unavailable to her, for your own well being. Tell her to contact you when she is once again single and not just looking for friendship.

 

She told you the truth, she wants to tie up loose ends with the ex; either by getting back together or realizing the end was the end.

 

Your end goal is to date her, not to be her friend. You need to make that 100% clear. Don't be her emotional tampon. Don't talk to her during this time, but if you must and I mean must talk to her, don't let her talk about the ex or bring them up. This will also help you to realize if your closeness sparked the interest due to just being single and possibly lonely, or if you have genuine desire for her. This will do the same for her as well.

 

If you stick around, the aforementioned interest will only grow to an unavailable person while you watch them do their thing with another person. It's not fun.

 

So go out and have fun and let her know the truth. Either way you win.