Rude boy Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 My parents have been together for over thirty year. My dad is a very scary dude. He has beat my mom so bad she has miscarried before. We've been asking her to leave him for a long time. He beat her in their driveway probably about a year or so ago and the neighbor boy called the police. She is submissive to him as well as my brothers and myself. She isn't allowed to have friends over when he's not there and she isn't allowed to speak Spanish around him either (she's fluent). He's knocked out a good portion of her teeth, and replaced them. Broken her bones and cheated on her (I think he still does). Last night she called me and my brothers over for dinner. Then she told us, they're getting divorced. My dad had to leave the room and you could hear him crying. I'm so happy I can barely function, but I get the feeling she isn't happy about it and I'm worried she might go back. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Based on your posts here, you are well within your right to be elated on this news. Lets hope your Mother can gain some peace and support from you and the siblings. Since you went thru re-hab and have a sense of challenges on living life different...Give your Mom some time to adjust without your Father being around. As to your Dad, He needs serious help for his actions...Lets hope this is his wake up call to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Rehab made me such a better person. It made me realize how much I needed to change and how important the women in my life are. I am more ready to help her through the divorce and really hope that she does. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 They're still getting divorced.... He's dragging out the proceedings constantly. He either won't sign or will fight over the slightest details. It's been hard to watch because I know she wants him back. I stay at their house (he's staying at a hotel) to make sure he either doesn't come over or she doesn't go to him. Which, I know both have happened. He texts her about being in love with her every day, and he is still wearing his ring. She will take it or leave it. He send flowers and gifts, and it makes me angry. Why string someone on like that? But I guess I have done the same thing to my ex too. She's showing signs of wavering and I'm scared she will and she'll die, but I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to. I think I'm helping her fight a losing battle. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Would your mom be willing to go to see a therapist? Abuse is all she knows and she does love him in some warped way. She's probably scared to be on her own, being with him is still companionship and a comfort level she's used to. Counseling can help her cope and learn about herself... Encourage her, even go with her if you can. Support and love her all you can. Hope for the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 They're still getting divorced.... He's dragging out the proceedings constantly. He either won't sign or will fight over the slightest details. It's been hard to watch because I know she wants him back. I stay at their house (he's staying at a hotel) to make sure he either doesn't come over or she doesn't go to him. Which, I know both have happened. He texts her about being in love with her every day, and he is still wearing his ring. She will take it or leave it. He send flowers and gifts, and it makes me angry. Why string someone on like that? But I guess I have done the same thing to my ex too. She's showing signs of wavering and I'm scared she will and she'll die, but I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to. I think I'm helping her fight a losing battle. Your dad sees he's losing control and he's pulling out all the tricks to try to woo her back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I think I'm helping her fight a losing battle. This might be a long-run thing. I hope she goes through with the divorce too. But even if she goes back to him this time, it might be an important step toward a later divorce that she follows through with. I would not lose hope. Good for you for staying with her through this, and for seeking to understand what's going on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 They're still getting divorced.... He's dragging out the proceedings constantly. He either won't sign or will fight over the slightest details. It's been hard to watch because I know she wants him back. I stay at their house (he's staying at a hotel) to make sure he either doesn't come over or she doesn't go to him. Which, I know both have happened. He texts her about being in love with her every day, and he is still wearing his ring. She will take it or leave it. He send flowers and gifts, and it makes me angry. Why string someone on like that? But I guess I have done the same thing to my ex too. She's showing signs of wavering and I'm scared she will and she'll die, but I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to. I think I'm helping her fight a losing battle. Ugh! What a tough situation. I feel so bad for you. How awful it must be to feel like you have to keep this viligant watch over your mom to stop her from returning to a situation that may end up killing her. They have a sick bond with each other and after 30 yrs it's going to be hard for your mom to break free. If she makes up her mind to take him back you won't be able to stop her unfortunately. As somebody already said, counselling might help her find her way out of this. Can you contact your local women's shelter? Maybe they can give you some suggestions and resources to help your mom get through this. Whatever happens, don't hold yourself responsible or feel at fault in any way. You can only do as much as you can but you can't save your mom if she doesn't want to be saved. Im hoping for the best for you and your mom. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 This might be a long-run thing. I hope she goes through with the divorce too. But even if she goes back to him this time, it might be an important step toward a later divorce that she follows through with. I would not lose hope. Good for you for staying with her through this, and for seeking to understand what's going on. This is very true too. Sometimes abused women will leave and go back several times before it sticks. Each period of separation makes the victim just a little stronger. If she goes back she she likely won't be as tolerant of the abuse because she has had a taste of freedom from it. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
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