180 degree flip in a matter of days

[UltimaWeapon]

Hello Loveshack,

 

I have been talking to this girl I met in November of 2014 and we started seeing each other in February 2015 We would hang out like once or twice a week. I did not want to make things too serious too soon considering I made those mistakes in the past with other girls and the longest relationship ive had was 4.5 years. and other flings after and I wanted to play it cool and not rush into things without fully getting to know the person better. I am 24 and shes 21.

 

She automatically wanted to get into a relationship with me and be exclusive right away and I told her that it was too soon; I didn't know if I was ready for that big commit right away- I needed more time to basically let my guard down- develop more feelings and go from there. I told her I want to see her and hangout and go from there. She agreed with all of that and we continued to see each other and spend time together. We had sex, we had great times together when we hung out- I came to her birthday party. We would talk all day everyday and recently she even slept over at my place and it really felt like we were heading in the direction of being exclusive- She would hold my hand in public, kiss me in public, etc. So on Sunday July 5th, 2015 after having a great time together on Canada day and her sleeping over. 2 months after she brought up us being exclusive I told her in person that I wanted us to be together after seeing each other now for basically 5 months and her reaction was completely opposite to what I expected.

 

She was not happy that I brought it up- she asked " why now?" she started questioning everything and basically said "why do I have to be in a relationship NOW that YOU want too" and I told her it was on me to make the move- I didn't want to rush into things 2 months ago because it was still too soon - I wanted to make sure the feelings were there- it felt right- I needed time to let you in, etc. And she basically couldn't give me an answer when I asked her. She's like I took that thought out of my mind 2 months ago and I just went with the flow- it doesn't mean I don't like you or care about you it's just I took it as it being casual. So im like you coming over having sex with me- kissing me- telling ur parents about me- sleeping over at my place is casual too you? We have been seeing each other for 4-5 months you knew this was where it was heading..where else would it go? Shes like I made it too easy for you- I threw myself at you- now I'm not sure.

 

 

Because of her reaction I lost my cool and basically we got into an argument. I told her straight up your giving me bull**** excuses and I don't have time for games- you wanted this ever since we started talking- you said you wanted a serious relationship and a bf and now suddenly when I want to make it official and to let you know where we both stand now your unsure?? I completely lost my cool because I felt she was acting completely immature about all of this and basically because it isn't on HER TERMS she doesn't wana say YES right away. The argument got heated and I ended up making her cry and she said she felt bad- I didn't listen to her she was gona say YES but after she gave her reasons??? I said that is stupid you don't give me excuses when someone asks you that AFTER you WANTED IT for so long. and ye now I don't know where we stand or what is going to happen. I told her straight up you clearly don't know what you want- you say one thing do another.

 

She said she was sorry for not saying YES right away and for her reaction- and I apologized for losing my cool but nothing has really been fixed. Shes still "upset" over what happened and I feel like shes dragging this out and wanting attention and for me to fight for her now because she feels like everything is on me and what I want. I even put my ego to the side and sent her flowers yesterday to basically show her I was sorry for the argument and that I care about her and want us to fix things and move forward with this. It seems like she is hesitant on doing anything at this point- very cold and standoffish and said shes upset and it will take time for her to cool down and basically get over what happened. Shes like" I'm hurt at what was said and didn't expect you to get angry like that- I panicked when you asked me and didn't know what to say- I wouldn't have continued seeing you if I don't like you or didn't enjoy hanging out - I am sorry for being a piece of crap"

 

 

Has anyone been in a situation like this before? This girl has issues with control and power and literally wants things on her own terms always and since I've come into her life - I made it known that she can't always get her way. So what should I do now? Today is the third day since the argument. we have been talking and texting but shes acting cold and distant and is seeking attention I guess.

 

 

What am I suppose to do in this situation now? I am trying to fix things even though tbh I feel like shes using this whole me getting angry at her to her advantage to basically draw this out. Shes basically changed her entire stance in a period of 2 months - yet she continued to see me and knew we were heading in that direction- she slept over few days ago- she came to see me on Sunday and suddenly when I brought it up she panics and doesn't know what to say.

 

On a side note- she has a lot of guy friends- A LOT and she knows my stance on that as well - I find it very weird and its a huge red flag to me to be honest. I feel like she got used to having me around and for me to be their for her and all of that but not exclusive and still have the same benefits as a BF.

 

It's as if she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. Now she probably feels like she will lose her freedom or whatever it is and shes scared; even though she wanted this all along?? Am I wrong in feeling like shes acting extremely selfish???

Edited July 8, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[Redhead14]

Hello Loveshack,

 

I have been talking to this girl I met in November of 2014 and we started seeing each other in February 2015 We would hang out like once or twice a week. I did not want to make things too serious too soon considering I made those mistakes in the past with other girls and the longest relationship ive had was 4.5 years. and other flings after and I wanted to play it cool and not rush into things without fully getting to know the person better. I am 24 and shes 21.

 

She automatically wanted to get into a relationship with me and be exclusive right away and I told her that it was too soon; I didn't know if I was ready for that big commit right away- I needed more time to basically let my guard down- develop more feelings and go from there. I told her I want to see her and hangout and go from there. She agreed with all of that and we continued to see each other and spend time together. We had sex, we had great times together when we hung out- I came to her birthday party. We would talk all day everyday and recently she even slept over at my place and it really felt like we were heading in the direction of being exclusive- She would hold my hand in public, kiss me in public, etc. So on Sunday July 5th, 2015 after having a great time together on Canada day and her sleeping over. 2 months after she brought up us being exclusive I told her in person that I wanted us to be together after seeing each other now for basically 5 months and her reaction was completely opposite to what I expected.

 

She was not happy that I brought it up- she asked " why now?" she started questioning everything and basically said "why do I have to be in a relationship NOW that YOU want too" and I told her it was on me to make the move- I didn't want to rush into things 2 months ago because it was still too soon - I wanted to make sure the feelings were there- it felt right- I needed time to let you in, etc. And she basically couldn't give me an answer when I asked her. She's like I took that thought out of my mind 2 months ago and I just went with the flow- it doesn't mean I don't like you or care about you it's just I took it as it being casual. So im like you coming over having sex with me- kissing me- telling ur parents about me- sleeping over at my place is casual too you? We have been seeing each other for 4-5 months you knew this was where it was heading..where else would it go? Shes like I made it too easy for you- I threw myself at you- now I'm not sure.

 

 

Because of her reaction I lost my cool and basically we got into an argument. I told her straight up your giving me bull**** excuses and I don't have time for games- you wanted this ever since we started talking- you said you wanted a serious relationship and a bf and now suddenly when I want to make it official and to let you know where we both stand now your unsure?? I completely lost my cool because I felt she was acting completely immature about all of this and basically because it isn't on HER TERMS she doesn't wana say YES right away. The argument got heated and I ended up making her cry and she said she felt bad- I didn't listen to her she was gona say YES but after she gave her reasons??? I said that is stupid you don't give me excuses when someone asks you that AFTER you WANTED IT for so long. and ye now I don't know where we stand or what is going to happen. I told her straight up you clearly don't know what you want- you say one thing do another.

 

She said she was sorry for not saying YES right away and for her reaction- and I apologized for losing my cool but nothing has really been fixed. Shes still "upset" over what happened and I feel like shes dragging this out and wanting attention and for me to fight for her now because she feels like everything is on me and what I want. I even put my ego to the side and sent her flowers yesterday to basically show her I was sorry for the argument and that I care about her and want us to fix things and move forward with this. It seems like she is hesitant on doing anything at this point- very cold and standoffish and said shes upset and it will take time for her to cool down and basically get over what happened. Shes like" I'm hurt at what was said and didn't expect you to get angry like that- I panicked when you asked me and didn't know what to say- I wouldn't have continued seeing you if I don't like you or didn't enjoy hanging out - I am sorry for being a piece of crap"

 

 

Has anyone been in a situation like this before? This girl has issues with control and power and literally wants things on her own terms always and since I've come into her life - I made it known that she can't always get her way. So what should I do now? Today is the third day since the argument. we have been talking and texting but shes acting cold and distant and is seeking attention I guess.

 

 

What am I suppose to do in this situation now? I am trying to fix things even though tbh I feel like shes using this whole me getting angry at her to her advantage to basically draw this out. Shes basically changed her entire stance in a period of 2 months - yet she continued to see me and knew we were heading in that direction- she slept over few days ago- she came to see me on Sunday and suddenly when I brought it up she panics and doesn't know what to say.

 

On a side note- she has a lot of guy friends- A LOT and she knows my stance on that as well - I find it very weird and its a huge red flag to me to be honest. I feel like she got used to having me around and for me to be their for her and all of that but not exclusive and still have the same benefits as a BF.

 

It's as if she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. Now she probably feels like she will lose her freedom or whatever it is and shes scared; even though she wanted this all along?? Am I wrong in feeling like shes acting extremely selfish???

 

She is 21 years old. She doesn't know what she wants. She's not being selfish, she just doesn't know what the heck she's doing. PERIOD.

 

She wanted to jump into a relationship quickly and you weren't there. If she were smart, she would have backed off simply because you weren't on the same page. That being said, she opted to stick with it hoping you'd change your mind, but as time passed, her feelings changed perhaps. It didn't happen overnight, the last two months she'd resigned herself to letting it be what is was, not exclusive or committed.

 

And, sure, she got comfortable with having you around, but not investing herself much if at all anymore. Going through the motions.

[UltimaWeapon]

I told her the night before- I was going to ask her something in person and that it isn't bad. She brought up right away If I was gona make her my gf? and I said you will find out tomorrow. She obviously knew it was heading in that direction- she slept over a few days ago for the first time and was with me on Canada day. she came over on Sunday to hangout and meet her dog. We have been seeing each other now for a good amount of time and she even told her co -worker who knows one of my best friends- that she was waiting for me to make the move and to make it official. So why continue to hangout with me and everything n kiss me and have sex with me and tell your parents about me if she now doesn't know what she wants? It doesn't make sense to me at all.

 

Now I have no idea where we stand or what I am suppose to do?

 

She said she panicked when I asked her and she should have said yes and that she's sorry for doing that. Yet I don't understand the issue now. I even sent her flowers yesterday to make up for it all- I felt bad and wanted to show her even if I got really mad I would do that for her- and now today I haven't heard from her or anything- no mention of meeting up to fix things, nothing..like??? I can't do anything else now

 

We agreed when she asked me that we would continue seeing each other and go from there- it was just too soon to rush into things right away. and she even said to me when we argued " i was patient with you and I waited - why can't you now?" It's not even about us being together its just a power struggle for her.....

Edited July 8, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[d0nnivain]

She wanted to be exclusive & you didn't but she accepted your terms & your timeline. But now that you want to be exclusive she's supposed to just dance to your tune?

 

It may not have been how you meant it but that is what it felt like to her. Do you understand that?

 

The fact that she has since apologized & wants to move forward is a positive sign. I'm glad you sent her flowers.

 

At this point while it may have started as a power struggle if you hope the relationship is to survive you both need to learn from it. She could have & should have reacted more calmly however, she probably had a sense of self preservation going on when you rejected her initial offer to be exclusive all those months ago

 

Be patient. I think things will be OK unless you pick at this sensitive area.

[Satu]

 

Because of her reaction I lost my cool and basically we got into an argument. I told her straight up your giving me bull**** excuses and I don't have time for games- you wanted this ever since we started talking- you said you wanted a serious relationship and a bf and now suddenly when I want to make it official and to let you know where we both stand now your unsure?? I completely lost my cool because I felt she was acting completely immature about all of this and basically because it isn't on HER TERMS she doesn't wana say YES right away. *The argument got heated and I ended up making her cry.

 

If you want a happy life, one of things that you need to learn is how to communicate effectively without using hurtful, or emotionally violent speech.

 

Hurtful, or emotionally violent speech never helps, and can wound a person to the core.

 

There are many books on this topic and a lot on the web, so you can learn about this and reap the benefits.

 

 

Take care.

[Redhead14]

She automatically wanted to get into a relationship with me and be exclusive right away -- Had you two been intimate at this point? I can understand this. If you have sex with a woman and then tell her you don't want to be exclusive, it sends a bad message -- she's being used.

 

There isn't any harm in becoming exclusive at least with a woman after you've had sex. It doesn't mean you're "committed". It just means you want to focus on each other on a deeper level to evaluate the potential for furthering the relationship. If you didn't want to do that with her at that point, you probably should have moved on. She went into protection mode and that affected her ability to maintain the interest level she had.

[UltimaWeapon]

No we didn't have sex at that time it was after. Things began picking up that's why it got to where it did- everything was going well until I brought it up as I guess because it isn't on her terms now and she doesn't wana feel too easy and desperate to jump into one so she's doing this now to kind of get back at me I suppose ...

 

I really don't understand it

[Redhead14]

No we didn't have sex at that time it was after. Things began picking up that's why it got to where it did- everything was going well until I brought it up as I guess because it isn't on her terms now and she doesn't wana feel too easy and desperate to jump into one so she's doing this now to kind of get back at me I suppose ...

 

I really don't understand it

 

Ok, she asked for exclusivity before you became intimate, you didn't want to be exclusive, and she became intimate with you anyway? That's a classic bumble by a woman who wants a relationship or a particular stage of a relationship, finds out the guy isn't on that page and then proceeds anyway because she's hoping he'll change his mind. In this case, you did. She's not trying to get back at you. She's confused and needs to see that you are serious about this now.

 

If you're still invested in her enough, I think you should hit the reset button, so to speak. Continue to date her in a way that demonstrates your intent so that it becomes clearer to her. Have some patience and don't force the issue.

[angel.eyes]

It's not up to you (or her) to decide when the relationship progresses. There are two people in this. Both have to agree.

 

She accepted your response when she asked you to be in a relationship, and you said no. You should have been similarly gracious in your reaction when she declined your offer. One can ask for clarity. But you weren't truly seeking to understand why she changed her mind and what if anything, might get her to reconsider at some point. That's a discussion. Instead you engaged in accusations and a hurtful argument that ended in tears and a weakened relationship. Is it possible some of this was hurt ego and pride when you didn't get the answer you expected?

 

Whenever I find myself in that kind of situation, I stop talking, and I ask myself: which is more important--getting my way / my pride / being right? Or my relationship (with the person I'm arguing with) and keeping that connection strong?

 

Consider that.

 

She has already apologized. You need to apologize too if you want to salvage what's left of the relationship. Reiterate that you want to progress things with her, and tell her to let you know when she wants to revisit your relationship status.

[UltimaWeapon]

I apologized long ago about my reaction but the issue here is- MY REACTION was after I asked her the question to which she didn't want to give me an answer too.

 

She just said why now? Why Must I get into one when you want it? I made it too easy for you- U didnt put in any effort?? like what is this kind of talk??

 

Shes using my reaction as a defensive tactic- if I never reacted what would happen than???

 

" I was gona say yes but after ur reaction how can I say it if we are arguing?"

 

Like if this was truly an issue- why stay and see me for 6 months and continue being with me- if this was REALLY AN ISSUE she could have ended it a long time ago- she didn't..So why is it now an issue when I asked her? Is it because she didn't get her way the first time?? Why the sudden excuses??

 

Now shes acting cold and distant- I got her flowers sent to her place and I apologized and said I want to move past this argument- she is milking this completely to her benefit.

 

 

Like what am I suppose to do more than what I did- I apologized I said I want to see her and meet up and fix things? There is something else going on that I do not know about- you don't suddenly change ur mind like that..

 

 

Like everything was fine before I brought up the question and my reaction- now suddenly shes insure??? Like give me a break

[UltimaWeapon]

does anyone have any advice on what I should do now? I tried reaching out and she says she doesn't know if she wants to fix things right now- shes drained and tired and basically is being immature about all of this and running away from the issue. She doesn't want to meet up- I even sent her flowers and that meant nothing to her..so like I dont understand what she expects from me? Shes avoiding the situation and does not even want to talk- yet a few days ago apologized for being a b**** and says she wouldnt have been with me for almost 6 months if she didnt care and like me a lot so I don't understand why she is using this argument against me...

 

I've reached out and told her I want to fix things and I don't want to ignore one another- I've literally taken all the steps I can to try and see her in person and go from there.

 

She is way too stubborn to let that happen.

 

What am I suppose to do now?

 

Last week when we were together on Canada day she even told my friends- I am waiting on him to make the first move she slept over that night and came over 2-3 days after. I told her the night before I wanted to talk to her in person about something important and shes like what is it? R u gona ask me to be ur gf? And I told her you will find out tomorrow- so she knew that I was going too.

 

Yet when I asked her the following day she started giving me excuses and essentially said no

Edited July 11, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[Hopeful30]

She sounds selfish, and the fact that shes accusing you of being controllinng (when you werent ready) sounds manipulative. Yeugh! Why do you need this drama?

 

Treat yourself with some respect and be rid of this negativity.

[IronZ]

First thing I thought about when I read this was that your initial reply of not wanting to be exclusive after seeing each other for a few months kind of rubbed her the wrong way. She is young, her reaction is reasonable. I think there's some trust issue here. You need to fix things with her.

[UltimaWeapon]

First thing I thought about when I read this was that your initial reply of not wanting to be exclusive after seeing each other for a few months kind of rubbed her the wrong way. She is young, her reaction is reasonable. I think there's some trust issue here. You need to fix things with her.

 

I understand its not probably what she wanted- but I told her. I have went through a lot of crap before- I do not want to rush into a relationship right away- I want to continue seeing you and allowing those feelings and everything to further develop. I enjoy being with you and its going in that direction. so she agreed to that and continued to see me- she didn't stop she didn't reject anything. And she knew it was on me to make the move next - so I did on Sunday July 5th, 2015 and it took a lot out of me to make that commitment for me to even ask her to be my gf and to be exclusive. She wanted a title all along n that's why her reaction was complete opposite of what I expected and completely caught me off guard.

 

I don't know how to fix this if she isn't willing to see me now or talk about the issue- she says shes turned off by everything that happened and the fact we had this argument and wants to " chill out" and basically doesn't want to fix anything right now.

 

Is this pay back on her end to make her show me shes not easy and desperately waiting for a relationship with me??

 

She told me on sunday that It was too easy for me and she threw herself at me and that I put no effort?? to get her. and its liek now shes trying to flip the tables and basically make me wait on purpose.

 

I am in limbo now and I don't really know what I should do?

I tried reaching out- I sent her flowers to apologize to her place- I literally have told her how sorry I was about arguing and that I truly want to be with her and wouldn't have put all this effort and time if it wasn't going somewhere.

 

 

Can anyone give me some sort of step by step plan or guideline I should take??

 

Am I suppose to ignore her now? Shes avoiding me and the situation and does not want to deal with it now.

 

Will me backing off completely from the situation work in my favor?? or will this just completely kill off everything?? Can you guys see why im confused as to what to do?

[UltimaWeapon]

She continued seeing me for 6 months now and was waiting for me to make the move- even on Canada day she told my friends- I am waiting on him to make the move. She even slept over that night. N now suddenly shes so upset and mad she doesn't want to fix anything?? I understand I yelled at her and it was an argument but my reaction was warranted considering - she flip flopped her feelings or so she says when I brought it up and I truly do not want to play games.

 

It's literally selfish on her part because of the situation shes putting me in- it seems like all she cares is getting back some of her pride or ego she lost or something- when it wasn't like that at all. I never was trying to control her or have say in anything it was just the way I felt - The relationship was going to quickly and that's why I said we shouldn't rush anything and take our time.

 

I haven't had a real relationship since my last one ended in 2010. I had one small fling for 3 months in 2013 n other small things that never worked out. This is the first girl since my relationship of 4.5 years ended that I actually asked to be exclusive with me and for us to be together and the longest period too of 6 months!!

 

That took a lot of time and thought on my end because it was a HUGE STEP FOR ME- she doesn't understand that!!! I am 24 years old now- I don't have time for childish games and petty power control struggles.

 

It's going to be 7 days tomorrow that we have had this argument and nothing has been fixed- I haven't seen her in 7 days either.

Edited July 11, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

Can anyone give me some sort of step by step plan or guideline I should take??

 

Am I suppose to ignore her now? Shes avoiding me and the situation and does not want to deal with it now.

 

Will me backing off completely from the situation work in my favor?? or will this just completely kill off everything?? Can you guys see why im confused as to what to do?

[UltimaWeapon]

She wanted to be exclusive & you didn't but she accepted your terms & your timeline. But now that you want to be exclusive she's supposed to just dance to your tune?

 

It may not have been how you meant it but that is what it felt like to her. Do you understand that?

 

The fact that she has since apologized & wants to move forward is a positive sign. I'm glad you sent her flowers.

 

At this point while it may have started as a power struggle if you hope the relationship is to survive you both need to learn from it. She could have & should have reacted more calmly however, she probably had a sense of self preservation going on when you rejected her initial offer to be exclusive all those months ago

 

Be patient. I think things will be OK unless you pick at this sensitive area.

 

she apologized but she isn't doing anything to fix the issue at hand- I tried everything that I could do- I tried meeting up with her; calling her over- talking on the phone- sending the flowers to her place. What else am I suppose to do now?

 

I don't know if ignoring in this sort of situation will do anything considering how stubborn she is. So what do you think is the right thing to do?

Edited July 11, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[angel.eyes]

Can anyone give me some sort of step by step plan or guideline I should take??

 

Am I suppose to ignore her now? Shes avoiding me and the situation and does not want to deal with it now.

 

Will me backing off completely from the situation work in my favor?? or will this just completely kill off everything?? Can you guys see why im confused as to what to do?

 

An attitude change should be the first step in this plan!

 

Instead of trying to understand things from her perspective, you seem to be driven by this fury that she didn't just jump for joy at your request then leap into your arms because you sent flowers in a Hail Mary maneuver after things dove south.

 

Honestly, "Why now?" was a very reasonable question given your history. I was wondering the same myself as I read the OP. Did you ever answer that for her? Perhaps focus on that, if you haven't already, instead of ranting and accusing her of milking the situation, taking advantage of your reaction, etc. No offense intended, but right now you're coming across as incredibly immature and self-centered, and a total asshat. You didn't send her flowers because you were genuinely sorry. From your comments, it's clear you sent them so that you could get your way. You're royally pissed that it failed. Now you're asking for other manipulative techniques.

 

Can you see things from another person's perspective? Based on some of the stuff you've posted here, my big question is, why are you even with her??? You think so little of her. Why not move on already?

[joseb]

I agree you are coming across really badly right now.

Your correct response to her when she didn't agree would have been something like "ok, just so you know where I'm at. Maybe we can revisit this in a few months", Instead of losing it with her. You sound like you might have some anger and control issues. Try to see it from her point of view.

 

Maybe own up to the fact that your ego was bruised when she said no, accept that you have issues you need to work on, and that you will respect her decision to remain casual for now.

[katiegrl]

I agree you are coming across really badly right now.

Your correct response to her when she didn't agree would have been something like "ok, just so you know where I'm at. Maybe we can revisit this in a few months", Instead of losing it with her.

 

**You sound like you might have some anger and control issues.**

 

Try to see it from her point of view.

 

Maybe own up to the fact that your ego was bruised when she said no, accept that you have issues you need to work on, and that you will respect her decision to remain casual for now.

 

He "might" have anger and control issues? LOL

 

I'd say he most definitely *does* have anger and control issues. Major!

 

And to the OP, if you don't get a handle on conquering those issues, you are not gonna have a successful relationship with any woman.

[joseb]

He "might" have anger and control issues? LOL.

I was trying to be diplomatic

[UltimaWeapon]

I agree you are coming across really badly right now.

Your correct response to her when she didn't agree would have been something like "ok, just so you know where I'm at. Maybe we can revisit this in a few months", Instead of losing it with her. You sound like you might have some anger and control issues. Try to see it from her point of view.

 

Maybe own up to the fact that your ego was bruised when she said no, accept that you have issues you need to work on, and that you will respect her decision to remain casual for now.

 

I apologized for reacting and I tried to make things better. I am a very patient person and I never react- It was a moment of weakness because that was not what I was expecting at all- it was to me a rejection and considering these facts and how she acted towards me it was completely out of the blue.

 

1) Few days prior she told all my friends in person- she was waiting for me to make the move- n that we aren't official yet.

 

2) The night before I told her I was gona talk to her about something important- she asked what it was and I said you will see. She asked if I was going to ask her to be my gf? She knew I was going to do it.

 

3) She wanted to be with me since the beginning and was always talking about being in a relationship and mentioned it a few times- I did not want to rush into one right away and needed to open up more- get to know her better before taking the next step.

 

 

- She says she can't get over the fact that I got mad and I yelled at her. It was our first argument in 6 months. She wants to chill out now. Basically she has not wanted to see me in person so we can talk about this. I sent her flowers to show her I was sorry and that I wanted to cheer her up, I asked to see her a few times, I even told her I would go to her to talk in person. She does not want to fix anything at this point. I don't understand I even told her we don't have to be in a relationship now we can revisit it on her terms. She just does not want to put in any effort or compromise at all now in this situation.

 

She even sent this to me a few days ago in regards to seeing me but when I asked her she didn't say yes:

 

" yeah that doesn't mean I don't care for you or like you. But because I pushed the idea away 2 months ago and went with the flow and then it happened. If I didn't like you I would've stopped hanging out with you. I don't know whats wrong with me and I am sorry for being a piece of crap"

 

So I am out of options- She does not want to compromise or fix anything at this point. I find it's very immature on her end- as adults considering we spent almost 6 months together seeing each other- she should be able to talk about this with me in person- she has avoided the situation and me the past 11 days.

 

She is moving in 2 weeks literally 3 minutes away from where I live and I told her I want to be with you, I am sorry for how I reacted I want to make it up to you- it was an argument. I want us to fix things- You are even moving near me- so let's make this happen.

 

Her response : " I just don't have the motivation right now. I just don't want too. I am discouraged. We all need to chill out."

 

Everything with her has to be on her terms like I don't understand

 

Like why is she being so confusing and stubborn? She invested the same amount of time and now she wants to drag on this fight because we got into an argument and I yelled at her?? During our argument

 

I told her why r u playing games with me? U don't know what you want, etc. You are flip flopping with ur feelings now. I called her out and she didn't know what to say. I don't take that sort of crap because it shows her word changes. She did not know what to say to any of that because it was true. You go saying you want a relationship with me- I tell you not yet its too soon; let's not rush- she agreed and knew where it was heading and than starts making up excuses? like???? Who does that???

 

If she was not okay with those terms she could have ended us seeing each other long ago- she didn't!! So for her to flip flop like that on me is NOT OKAY!!!

 

 

When someone asks you that question - you dont reply with excuses (if that person wanted to be in a rel the past 6 months) you reply with a YES. not with excuses.

 

And shes saving face by saying If I didn't react she would have said yes. ??? I reacted after her excuses not before. She never said yes it was just excuses after excuses

 

" I made it too easy for you"

 

" I threw myself at you"

 

" You didn't try hard enough to get me"

 

Like ??? why is this coming up 6 months into us seeing each other when I asked the question?!?!

 

Like what am I suppose to do now? Just Back off? Leave her? Let her be? I hate playing these push pull games

 

What do you guys think?

 

Her REPLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN:

" You know what- let's meet up in person and talk- I don't want to do this over the phone/text- she has avoided the situation now for 11 days- over an argument??? Like how can you fix anything with someone who acts like that?

Edited July 17, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

Like what am I suppose to do now? Just Back off? Leave her? Let her be? I hate playing these push pull games

 

What do you guys think?

[UltimaWeapon]

Ok, she asked for exclusivity before you became intimate, you didn't want to be exclusive, and she became intimate with you anyway? That's a classic bumble by a woman who wants a relationship or a particular stage of a relationship, finds out the guy isn't on that page and then proceeds anyway because she's hoping he'll change his mind. In this case, you did. She's not trying to get back at you. She's confused and needs to see that you are serious about this now.

 

If you're still invested in her enough, I think you should hit the reset button, so to speak. Continue to date her in a way that demonstrates your intent so that it becomes clearer to her. Have some patience and don't force the issue.

 

She is using this argument now and taking it way too far- its been 11 days and I haven't seen her in person. She does not want to see me right now. She is avoiding the situation completely and does not want to fix anything at this point between us.

 

 

I sent her flowers to her place- I asked to see her countless times in person to fix things- ive essentially been in the dark the past 10 days and I can't do anything now.

 

Like she has been seeing me for 5 months going onto 6- why would she let this argument and me yelling at her and stuff get in the way of our relationship. She wanted this all along?????

 

How do I approach a situation like this? I told her I was sorry- we talked normally. she just says she cant just forget what happened and she doesn't know if she feels the same anymore after the fight??? Is she trying to get back at me now and making me wait?

 

and she said shes pushing me away on purpose to miss me??? What does that mean?!?!

 

Shes being manipulative completley. cuz it isn't on her terms now!!

Edited July 17, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[Qboro90]

You said that this girl has control and power issues. So your actions have given her all the power and control and she's getting off on it. If I were you I would go no contact and see what happens. It's going to be tough but it will give you a better idea of what kind of person she is. If she doesn't reach out to you then she clearly isn't the kind of girl you want to make your gf. Personally the fact that she didn't jump for joy and say Yes when you asked her out and it led to all of this would tell me that this girl is going to be trouble in the long run.

 

By not contacting her it will give you back some control over how things go. I know how it can be when dating a girl like this and distancing yourself and making it seem like you're totally fine and dandy will drive her absolutely nuts and she'll come back. And if she doesn't, then you know you dodged a bullet by dating her bc she doesn't give a crap about you.

 

If she does contact you and wants to talk then just say "listen i was expecting a different reaction from you that day and it took me by surprise and I reacted regrettably. I know we both got upset and said some stupid things so let's just move past it". Can even say that the reason you asked her that day was because you had been thinking how incredible it is when you're together and it just felt right to do. Her reaction made you question her mindset and that's completely unexpected to you so now you just want to know where she stands.

 

Now if she wants to talk about the relationship or where you stand then straight up say "Simple question...I like you, and want to be with you... Do you like me and want to be with me?".... If it's not a "yes" answer and she goes off on a more detailed explanation then she doesn't wanna date you and you know that for sure otherwise she would do whatever it takes to smooth things out and be official with you.