OW is being sued

[purplesorrow]

Another bw is suing the ow my stbx had his affair with. I live in one of the states with alienation of affection laws. On our dday she talked about what a good person she was. How she had never done this before and would never again. Part of me feels sorry for her, how humiliating. But a very small part feels she deserves it. Does this mean I harbor Ill will towards her? I thought I was pretty neutral after she finally left me alone. Would you go and watch if it goes to trial?

[Celestial-dreamer]

Ok, I think I read somewhere that you didn't expose her A with your H? Maybe you should do so now. Her A with your STBXH may well be bought up, could you handle that? I'm not good at going through past posts, but did you sue her?

 

If it was me...I would have dragged her ass over the coals for destroying my marriage, but that's me. Everyone would have known what she is. She said she's a *good person* omg thanks for the laugh, I needed that.

[purplesorrow]

Ok, I think I read somewhere that you didn't expose her A with your H? Maybe you should do so now. Her A with your STBXH may well be bought up, could you handle that? I'm not good at going through past posts, but did you sue her?

 

If it was me...I would have dragged her ass over the coals for destroying my marriage, but that's me. Everyone would have known what she is. She said she's a *good person* omg thanks for the laugh, I needed that.

 

No, I didn't sue her. She also had a kid and I didn't want to do him any harm. I didn't see where there was anything to gain by suing her. Her affair with my stbx would really have no bearing on this other woman's marriage.

[minimariah]

Would you go and watch if it goes to trial?

 

no.

 

none of my business.

[Celestial-dreamer]

No, I didn't sue her. She also had a kid and I didn't want to do him any harm. I didn't see where there was anything to gain by suing her. Her affair with my stbx would really have no bearing on this other woman's marriage.

 

So you let her get away with it, you said you didn't want to harm her kid....SHE is the one doing the harm, not you, and it looks like that's gonna happen now anyway. I would have exposed her to everyone, she deserves all she gets. She has no issues with taking a MM does she? She should accept the fall out that she creates.

 

But as for your question, I wouldn't go either.

[gettingstronger]

Maybe the OW is harassing the other couple too- I know that in our situation our OW had multiple affairs that have now all come to light- I was contacted by another BS asking if I wanted to join them in a law suit against the OW- I declined- I need it to be behind us- I have no intention of dragging anything more up or becoming even more entangled- I do not judge the other couple- each needs to do what works for them-

 

I think its normal to have feelings on it- I would not worry about that- no, I probably would not attend the trial- although it would be interesting to compare notes, I would rather spend that time with my family-

[sandylee1]

If you have time on your hands and are feeling bored, then go along for the entertainment. Such people always get their comeuppance. Maybe next time she'll think twice before getting involved with a MM.

[purplesorrow]

So you let her get away with it, you said you didn't want to harm her kid....SHE is the one doing the harm, not you, and it looks like that's gonna happen now anyway. I would have exposed her to everyone, she deserves all she gets. She has no issues with taking a MM does she? She should accept the fall out that she creates.

 

But as for your question, I wouldn't go either.

 

Let her get away with it? She wasn't mine to deal with, my husband was. How was it my place to punish her? She didn't force my husband to do anything. I saw no point in dragging her through court and my family right along with her. What purpose would it have served? The court saying she has to pay money she doesn't have?

[Sub]

I thought I was pretty neutral after she finally left me alone.

 

She may have been aware of the potential legal situation and left you alone because of it. My WW shared with me that her AP was going through tough D proceedings because of something similar(he had been with another MW prior), and was worried if I found out about their A that I would catch wind of it and pile on. I found his concern amusing.

 

 

Just move on...don't go to the trial. She's dealing with the consequences of her actions. The court will decide whether or not she deserves it. I definitely wouldn't feel sorry for her, though. She's a big girl who made big girl decisions.

[goodyblue]

Let her get away with it? She wasn't mine to deal with, my husband was. How was it my place to punish her? She didn't force my husband to do anything. I saw no point in dragging her through court and my family right along with her. What purpose would it have served? The court saying she has to pay money she doesn't have?

 

I think your attitude is good, but I would certainly understand it if you derived a little pleasure from her getting sued. We are one of those states too, and I suppose I could have been dragged through the courts too, but then it would have been exposed what a sham their marriage was.

 

If she is running around making it her life journey to destroy marriages, maybe she deserves it, I don't know, but I do know it almost never works. Maybe the embarrassment will stop her from doing it again.

 

However I do agree, the husband is the one that needs to be dealt with. You can't steal a person.

 

Let us know if you hear anything. I'd be interested to see how this turns out. I don't think I would go to court to watch, but if you do, bring popcorn, it should be quite a show!

[Celestial-dreamer]

Let her get away with it? She wasn't mine to deal with, my husband was. How was it my place to punish her? She didn't force my husband to do anything. I saw no point in dragging her through court and my family right along with her. What purpose would it have served? The court saying she has to pay money she doesn't have?

 

You see it that way, good for you....but that woman destroyed your marriage, you did nothing so yes she got away with it. She knew he was married right? I bet your hubby and her were so happy your the slip away quietly type. I would have made sure everyone knew what she is. She didn't and still doesn't deserve your kindness.

 

I do hope your ok on this though, I hope it's not bringing up painful memories.

[road]

Another bw is suing the ow my stbx had his affair with. I live in one of the states with alienation of affection laws. On our dday she talked about what a good person she was. How she had never done this before and would never again. Part of me feels sorry for her, how humiliating. But a very small part feels she deserves it. Does this mean I harbor Ill will towards her? I thought I was pretty neutral after she finally left me alone. Would you go and watch if it goes to trial?

 

You should file your own suit. Pile the karma on.

[purplesorrow]

You see it that way, good for you....but that woman destroyed your marriage, you did nothing so yes she got away with it. She knew he was married right? I bet your hubby and her were so happy your the slip away quietly type. I would have made sure everyone knew what she is. She didn't and still doesn't deserve your kindness.

 

I do hope your ok on this though, I hope it's not bringing up painful memories.

 

To show what she did would also show what he did. I didn't want my kid to know and certainly not to find out in such a public way. My ex is remorseful and has done a lot of work on himself.

[understand50]

To show what she did would also show what he did. I didn't want my kid to know and certainly not to find out in such a public way. My ex is remorseful and has done a lot of work on himself.

 

purplesorrow,

 

You have it just right. It is your SBEX that you have the "beef" with. Suing her just lets him off the hook to some extent. Protecting a fathers relationship with his son is also important. Bravo to you. Your SBEX, does not know how much he messed up and the type of woman he is losing.

 

Revenge, while satisfying to some extent, can also get in the way of caring for your son, and stop you from moving on with your life. It is like a shotgun blast, it can sometimes hurt more then the intended target. Also, your compassion for her child, is commendable. Suing will just deprive her of the means of caring for them.

 

Wish you luck.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Don't worry... Chances are not much will come of it and you wouldn't need to get involved unless you wanted to. And while these things can be messy, there often isn't much that comes from them. My husband's ex served me with papers along those lines and said she was going to sue. One reply very detailed, very concise letter about what we'd do, say, and reveal during litigation back from my lawyer and it was dropped.

 

With these things, the hassle is very worth the result. If it's not you, it's certainly not worth the effort.

[purplesorrow]

purplesorrow,

 

You have it just right. It is your SBEX that you have the "beef" with. Suing her just lets him off the hook to some extent. Protecting a fathers relationship with his son is also important. Bravo to you. Your SBEX, does not know how much he messed up and the type of woman he is losing.

 

Revenge, while satisfying to some extent, can also get in the way of caring for your son, and stop you from moving on with your life. It is like a shotgun blast, it can sometimes hurt more then the intended target. Also, your compassion for her child, is commendable. Suing will just deprive her of the means of caring for them.

 

Wish you luck.

 

Thanks for your kind words. I think my ex knows what he had. He said the affair is the biggest regret of his life. He's still trying to win me back. I'm glad for the way it changed him, he is an even better father and man now.

[understand50]

Thanks for your kind words. I think my ex knows what he had. He said the affair is the biggest regret of his life. He's still trying to win me back. I'm glad for the way it changed him, he is an even better father and man now.

 

purplesorrow,

 

Thanks as well.

 

From the way you talk about your ex, is there any chance of you both reconciling? If you do, please do it on your terms.

 

In any case, keeping a good relationship with your ex, for your child is a good thing. As a child of divorce, it would just drive me crazy that my parents could not behave for me and my sibling's life events, and than later with life events with their grandchildren. Both of them missed out of a lot, as we did not want to put up with them in the end.

 

Again, your ex really is missing out on something special in you.

[purplesorrow]

purplesorrow,

 

Thanks as well.

 

From the way you talk about your ex, is there any chance of you both reconciling? If you do, please do it on your terms.

 

In any case, keeping a good relationship with your ex, for your child is a good thing. As a child of divorce, it would just drive me crazy that my parents could not behave for me and my sibling's life events, and than later with life events with their grandchildren. Both of them missed out of a lot, as we did not want to put up with them in the end.

 

Again, your ex really is missing out on something special in you.

At the moment, no. But I've learned never say never. We were good together as a couple and that has carried over into co parenting. We are trying to keep her well being above all else.

[autumnnight]

So you let her get away with it, you said you didn't want to harm her kid....SHE is the one doing the harm, not you, and it looks like that's gonna happen now anyway. I would have exposed her to everyone, she deserves all she gets. She has no issues with taking a MM does she? She should accept the fall out that she creates.

 

But as for your question, I wouldn't go either.

 

While I am WELL acquainted with this thinking, I admire you, purplesorrow, for having some compassion for the remainder of the OW's family.

[BetrayedH]

Personally, I'd offer to testify.

 

But I think whatever works for you in this situation is fine.

[purplesorrow]

Personally, I'd offer to testify.

 

But I think whatever works for you in this situation is fine.

 

Hahaha! Too funny . "Yes your honor, that is the same vagina that was on my h's phone"......Do you think they will use dirty texts and pics in court? Omg! Thanks for the laugh.

[BetrayedH]

Hahaha! Too funny . "Yes your honor, that is the same vagina that was on my h's phone"......Do you think they will use dirty texts and pics in court? Omg! Thanks for the laugh.

 

Well, I was being somewhat serious. I'd think the fact that this woman also had an affair with your husband might strengthen the other BW's case. But your testimony would really just be hearsay (via your husband). I suspect it's far more trouble than it's worth.

 

I have yet to fully embrace the fact that my wife and her OM really "got away with it." I'm bothered by the injustice of what's happened. So I might appreciate seeing either of them forced to face a little music. So, would I offer to help someone else achieve that? Maybe.

[Spark1111]

Hahaha! Too funny . "Yes your honor, that is the same vagina that was on my h's phone"......Do you think they will use dirty texts and pics in court? Omg! Thanks for the laugh.

 

haha! I thought about suing our xOW for half the marital assets he spent on her during their affair....but did not. Forget alienation of affection! Money is money and anyone can sue to reclaim their half of it.

 

I'm human and it was very, very tempting at the time. But, she too had a child and I would NEVER hurt another child. Wish she had shown the same consideration for our children.

 

More interesting to me is how she is now a repeat offender, as is xOW in our scenario.

 

So what gives? Love, schmove. How desperate do you have to be to go after married people? It's a competition to best the spouse by seducing their partner from their commitment.

 

And I could NEVER imagine ever being that lonely or insecure.

[Clay]

I don't think in my case I would be able to offer much. Once everything was said and done after the divorce I threw everything out including most of her things. I think you should do what you feel is right but If they did need a extra witness I would offer.

 

I think other than that I probably would just put it in the past. My xW is still out cheating on guys and honestly It just doesn't matter to me anymore. The only part that still pisses me off is how she treats my kids. She hasn't talked to them in months.

 

Do what you feel is right for you.

 

C

[purplesorrow]

Well, I was being somewhat serious. I'd think the fact that this woman also had an affair with your husband might strengthen the other BW's case. But your testimony would really just be hearsay (via your husband). I suspect it's far more trouble than it's worth.

 

I have yet to fully embrace the fact that my wife and her OM really "got away with it." I'm bothered by the injustice of what's happened. So I might appreciate seeing either of them forced to face a little music. So, would I offer to help someone else achieve that? Maybe.

 

My apologies! I can totally see where you are coming from. I would be mortified to have to describe some of the correspondence I saw. Truly, no harm meant.