I'm not an alpha male by nature, what do I do!

[harkkam]

I understand the reasons that women become attracted to men who display alpha qualities:

- get validation internally not dependent on others

- likes to take charge

- can be aggressive towards others

- not shy about expressing his sexual interest

- tends not to doubt himself

- tends to be well accomplished

 

However I'm not that kind of person, instead:

- I like to be a follower not a leader

- usually shy and reserved

- not very outgoing

- I doubt myself quite a bit

- Don't express my interest

- need other people's approval for validation

 

 

Now my question is, knowing that women are attracted to certain traits, knowing that I don't posses those traits, the first thought would be "okay how do I get myself to become this kind of person and increase my level of attractiveness?"

 

I've been trying to change myself for about 3 years now, had a few dates and a relationship in that time.

 

But yet in my core I still feel like I'm the same person that started this journey of change.

 

I find myself trying to be the perfect actor to give off the image that I'm an alpha male but it always feels like so much work and I don't experience any real results.

 

Should I just accept I will never have the traits that women find attractive and embrace the traits I do have?

 

I am just tired of trying to live a lie, when I'm at a bar and I see someone I like, I know for example my reading on attractive behavior will say "pretend like you don't care" but inside I care very much about what she thinks about me because I want her to like me. Or when I'm on a date to have a tough looking face and to walk with a cocky swagger, when deep inside I don't feel like doing that.

 

The dilemma is that if I go on "just being myself" then I won't have women attracted to me. If I try to be "alpha" then I'm just living a lie pretending to be something I'm not and its very tiring to do that.

 

What am I supposed to do?

[casey.lives]

Don't be someone youre not. being fake is the most unattractive thing ever. Be yourself. women like shy quiet guys too. If you can't be aggressive, put yourself in her way, soon enough you will seem to naturally engage. Being alpha is a myth. "Alpha" is about being comfortable as who you are, no matter what that is.

[Keenly]

You need to forget about this garbage. This is 2015. There No such thing as an alpha. Something a bunch of D Bags made up to make themselves seem superior than others, and for what, being an *******?

 

Just forget about it. That's not how people Live.

[regine_phalange]

Alpha? We are not gorillas!

 

Shy and reserved is cute. Just listen and respect your inner voice some more and you'll do great. It's a habit that takes quite some time to form properly, but you can try doing it with persistence.

[harkkam]

Thank you for the replies guys and gals.

 

I'll admit that I've been reading lots of PUA material over the years and there are just so many people, teachers, artists, writers, articles, websites, books etc that make such a convincing argument that men and women operate on a a animal level when it comes to sexual attraction.

 

In my own experience I've noticed it's always the "alpha" type of guy who always gets the woman at the bar or gets the smile or invitation to come talk.

 

I'm usually ignored, only twice have women approached me, I've slept with only about 7-8 women and I'm 29 years old.

 

When I go to a bar with my friend, he is very charming and assertive and women are instantly captivated by him. When I try to talk to women however my results are usually vastly different.

 

I've even met a few PUA artists in real life, friends of friends really and it was just amazing watching this man in action. He literally made out with 5 women in the same night. He routinely has sex all the time.

 

I'm not saying that making out with strangers is what I want and sleeping around is what I desire. In fact I'd much rather find a compatible woman to share fun times and love with.

 

However in order to find that woman, it's best when you usually have a number of options to pick from.

 

I don't have any options now that I'm not in college. I'm not going to walk up to a random stranger at a grocery store or coffee shop and ask them out.

 

Almost all of the guys I've met who have had success with women tend to prescribe to the alpha male paradigm.

 

When you see results it's hard to discount the validity of their argument.

 

The same problem remains, do I try and fake being an alpha when I don't feel it inside me, or doom myself to being lonely for the sake of not having to pretend

[normal person]

You need to forget about this garbage. This is 2015. There No such thing as an alpha. Something a bunch of D Bags made up to make themselves seem superior than others, and for what, being an *******?

 

Not that I disagree entirely, but this is an oversimplification. Even the OP's experience (and lots of others') have shown that women are more attracted to these characteristics. I agree that being a D-bag about it is unnecessary, but the assumption that women are more attracted to strength, the access to resources (money), aggression, etc is not wrong. It's biological. Women aren't as strong as men. They want partners who are protective and can't provide to ensure the survival of their offspring. It's instinctual.

 

 

When you see results it's hard to discount the validity of their argument.

 

The same problem remains, do I try and fake being an alpha when I don't feel it inside me, or doom myself to being lonely for the sake of not having to pretend

 

I don't think trying to "fake" something will get you very far. However, if you understand the importance of other traits, like confidence, the ability to provide, fearlessness, etc and incorporate them into your personality, you'll be more attractive as a result. Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Don't fake -- improve.