Savannah2 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 He is going on vacation with his wife this weekend. Just him and her. I told him it would probably be best if he did not contact me this weekend at all. Not even a little check in. I have never said that before to him. I would always be frantically waiting for him to contact me while he was with her. I'm not doing it this time. It feels like a step in the right direction for me. I told him he will be with who he wants to be with this weekend. Her. Not me. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I told him it would probably be best if he did not contact me again I changed what you said to better fit the situation. While I do absolutely applaud you on a positive step, you must realize by now that you're allowing yourself to be treated as second best. You're going to be in this situation until YOU put a stop to it. Why don't you use this weekend to do so? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 He is going on vacation with his wife this weekend. Just him and her. I told him it would probably be best if he did not contact me this weekend at all. Not even a little check in. I have never said that before to him. I would always be frantically waiting for him to contact me while he was with her. I'm not doing it this time. It feels like a step in the right direction for me. I told him he will be with who he wants to be with this weekend. Her. Not me. You are still with him???? smh 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 I know Elaine. It's pathetic. I have Bob Newhart stuck in my head 2 words. stop. It. I do feel myself slowly detaching from him. I don't put him on a pedestal as much. I see faults and things that annoy me about him. Things I overlooked before. It's a long process. We've been talking everyday for the past 3 years. It's not easy to just stop. But I have no future with him. And he doesn't treat me right. He never has. He kind of has stopped trying too. I can't tell you the last time he gave me a compliment. And this was a man that used to leave messages on my voicemail telling me how pretty my eyes looked at lunch, things like that. I never hear that anymore. Or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I hope you speed up the process of detachment. Your on a breadcrumb diet..the novelty has worn off for him, he's bored. He already has that at home so why put in twice the effort. That's what he's probably thinking. Something in us gals that keeps hanging on in order to feel the same magic of those things he said in the voicemails. To racapture it, reignite it somehow. Your hoping wishing your life away. I agree with the premise of using this weekend as the opportunity to disengage. In truth he probably subconsciously hopes you will be the one to pull the plug. Trust me its easier if you do. No closure, no final words, no ANYTHING. Cause what if you could be with someone right now, openly and exclusively who would take YOU away for a romantic weekend. How much more time do you want to hand him? He isn't even faking it anymore. Let his wife have him. Enough is enough. Cold turkey with your dignity and control back is my vote. Yes, its hard...no doubt. But is staying easier? Your getting NOTHING. He's away with his wife right now and you are alone. You know your tired. Close the door now and enjoy your summer baggage free. Before fall...another Christmas, another Thanksgiving... You get the picture. Plan a long weekend or midweek beachtrip. Let it be symbolic of a new start. It IS that simple!! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 This is my advice and you may not be able to do it. You are giving everything to this guy and he still treats you badly. Men instinctively like a chase. But, MM on the other hand have there wires crossed and they want a woman who allows them to do whatever bad behavior they do because an affair is very controlling. What fun is in an affair when you actually sit down and think about it. I do not know why mine lasted so long because he knew I disliked him. It was pretty evident. The last time we spent any quality time together before the nuclear break up. I gave him a compliment about something. He looked shocked and said "Did I just hear you say there is something you actually like about me?" It does not matter their successes, their looks, their other life is grand, they are all the same. Reading here is like reading them all. They could all be the same exact man. If a poster named him Bobby, and spoke of their story, all those with a Bob, bobby, so on would think it was there MM. When you read about women speaking about single men, they are all unique and different. The stories are all different. You can do better than this for yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I lost my point in that post. My point is that your off to a good start, but lay it all down on him with a seriousness and will like never before and you cannot back down or go crawling back. If a man is serious about the relationship he will fight for it. I think you will get your answer, it may be painful, but you will be better off in the future. I know it is tough. I am still having a tough time with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Savannah, when I dumped MM, I had a serious conversations with myself. I told myself I am (apart from the A) a sane, intelligent, well educated woman. Who in their right mind would be waiting to hear from a man spending a weekend with his wife, or spending his life with her?????? Who would wait for texts and opportunities to meet ??? That's the reality of an affair...... you spend half your life waiting for the man to spare you some time. Come on S... you are better than that. We all are. Cheers, Poppy. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 ummmm.. he's married!!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Never sit around and wait for a man, married or single. Just don't. We only have one life. The world is full of people, places and things to do that are fun, satisfying and rewarding in so many ways. Why waste opportunities to live? I mean really live. Men can be the cherry on top of the cake that is your life, but watching life pass you by while you're just sitting around waiting for a cherry to appear on an otherwise empty plate is not living. Don't set your life up that way - NO man is worth putting your life on hold for. Ever. Live your life. Walk your path. If a man joins along, fits into YOUR life, stays on YOUR path with you, then that's great. Sitting around waiting for a man to fit you into a small piece of HIS life while he walks HIS path - not so great. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I know Elaine. It's pathetic. I have Bob Newhart stuck in my head 2 words. stop. It. I do feel myself slowly detaching from him. I don't put him on a pedestal as much. I see faults and things that annoy me about him. Things I overlooked before. It's a long process. We've been talking everyday for the past 3 years. It's not easy to just stop. But I have no future with him. And he doesn't treat me right. He never has. He kind of has stopped trying too. I can't tell you the last time he gave me a compliment. And this was a man that used to leave messages on my voicemail telling me how pretty my eyes looked at lunch, things like that. I never hear that anymore. Or anything. Would you put up with this treatment if you this guy was actually single you were dating him/he was your boyfriend?? If no, then WHY allow this to continue? Don't let fears of not having him in your life stop you from doing what has to be done. End your affair. He isn't leaving his marriage. He loves his wife, loves having you on the side. Nothing will change unless YOU change it. Either enjoy the time together as JUST an affair and don't get caught up in the emotions of it all (though I doubt you can do that since you're totally in love with him) and accept things as they are, you're not a 1st or 2nd priority in his life, or end it once and for all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 This is my advice and you may not be able to do it. You are giving everything to this guy and he still treats you badly. Men instinctively like a chase. But, MM on the other hand have there wires crossed and they want a woman who allows them to do whatever bad behavior they do because an affair is very controlling. What fun is in an affair when you actually sit down and think about it. I do not know why mine lasted so long because he knew I disliked him. It was pretty evident. The last time we spent any quality time together before the nuclear break up. I gave him a compliment about something. He looked shocked and said "Did I just hear you say there is something you actually like about me?" It does not matter their successes, their looks, their other life is grand, they are all the same. Reading here is like reading them all. They could all be the same exact man. If a poster named him Bobby, and spoke of their story, all those with a Bob, bobby, so on would think it was there MM. When you read about women speaking about single men, they are all unique and different. The stories are all different. You can do better than this for yourself. That's so true. There have been a few times where I thought these women were having an affair with the same man as me. But then I would read, he didn't have as many kids or not married as long, etc. These men and stories are all the same. And as long as us women keep letting them control our lives, these stories will never change. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 "You are starting to sound just like her" her being his wife. I told him that it wild be nice if he would say he misses me. And he said that she complains that he never says the right things to her either. He said he feels like he is stuck in the middlE. Ugh. This is just really starting to get ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 "You are starting to sound just like her" her being his wife. I told him that it wild be nice if he would say he misses me. And he said that she complains that he never says the right things to her either. He said he feels like he is stuck in the middlE. Ugh. This is just really starting to get ugly. it means that when 2 women tell u the same thing (one being the wife and one the OW), for sure they might be right. afterall, he s the same man in both situations, dont kid yourslf that he s different with u. she just knows him better Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 They say stress is when your wife AND mistress are in the same maternity ward..... He's having double trouble. That's what happens when you decide to bag yourself a second honey. After a while, you get landed with 2 queen bees..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 I know that MM still has sex with his wife. Although he says it's not as frequent as frequent as he likes. I constantly compared our sex with theirs. He never said their sex life was bad just not frequent. He mostly seemed interested in oral with me and seemed to actually avoid intercourse. He never really initiated kissing me or looking at me during it. A lot of times I felt he could get the same from a $40 hooker down the street. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenAxe Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 f**k him. In my case I think of it like this, I know he doesn't f**k like I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 And the craziest part of it is that I am so attracted to him. I shouldn't be. How do I make him less attractive to me? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenAxe Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Date others. Wish I could take my own advice 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I think he was just horny with you and really wanted more intimate sex with her. I would distract myself with other things. Also write down all the bad things about this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Want to know how to find him unattractive? Think about how he won't kiss you, or make eye contact with you... That's crappy! Think about what he does with you and then he runs home to sleep with his wife whom I'm sure he kisses and looks in her eyes.... I'm sorry to be blunt 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Nolagirl1214 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I wish I knew what my MM's sex life is like at home. He doesn't initiate kissing every time we are together either but he does like eye contact and says so. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 And the craziest part of it is that I am so attracted to him. I shouldn't be. How do I make him less attractive to me? Ask yourself why you're attracted to someone who treats you like a hooker. Who won't kiss you, won't engage your vagina. He's treating you like a sperm receptacle. Doesn't that disgust you? It should! Let him use his hand and a Kleenex. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I know that MM still has sex with his wife. Although he says it's not as frequent as frequent as he likes. I constantly compared our sex with theirs. He never said their sex life was bad just not frequent. He mostly seemed interested in oral with me and seemed to actually avoid intercourse. He never really initiated kissing me or looking at me during it. A lot of times I felt he could get the same from a $40 hooker down the street. He doesn't want to kiss or have real intimacy with you it seems. It's his way of making sure he stays detached and you don't get too attached and bonded to him. Why put up with it if you feel so bad about it? At least he's honest and not lying saying he's not having sex with his wife. Either just enjoy your time with him and don't invest so much in him, or try to detach from him so you end your affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Wow...you need to lose this jerk. What an insensitive pr!ck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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