NopeNah Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 I mainly just come here anymore to offer "advice"...I'm over the person that brought me here,but this site has helped me through some tough times over the years,so I come here trying to do the same for others..ANYWAYS..this has been on my never stopping mind lately.. Would you rather them be dead? By that, I mean..Sure..They're out of your life now..for good! BUT...would you rather them be dead? I would hope your answer is: "NO" They(or you) chose to end the relationship you shared.. They(or you) have every right to do so..I've been cheated on by multiple partners,basically robbed by ex friends/business partners..but, I wish none of them any ill will. The way I see it is... That/this is their/our path in life. The way I navigate the path is on me and me alone..Does it suck sometimes? Hell yes! However, it's my choice to navigate it to the best of my ability. Just a little thought after a night on the town.. Navigate YOUR life to the best of your abilities! Do you and whats best for you,no matter where the wind blows you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 I don't wish ill on anyone from my past, in the end everything has brought me to where I am today, and I'm very happy with where I am and the people currently in my life. It may be difficult for someone currently finding themselves in a state of turmoil to find positives, however I wish everyone would learn to see rejection, negatives or bad experiences as a part of turning them into an even better person. We're all capable of achieving better things in life, whatever they may be, as unfortunate as it may seem though, we do sometimes have to go through all of which we don't enjoy in order to get there. No matter what, kindness and awesome people are all around, even if they may be hard to find. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 I don't wish ill on anyone from my past, in the end everything has brought me to where I am today, and I'm very happy with where I am and the people currently in my life. It may be difficult for someone currently finding themselves in a state of turmoil to find positives, however I wish everyone would learn to see rejection, negatives or bad experiences as a part of turning them into an even better person. We're all capable of achieving better things in life, whatever they may be, as unfortunate as it may seem though, we do sometimes have to go through all of which we don't enjoy in order to get there. No matter what, kindness and awesome people are all around, even if they may be hard to find. That's a little more optimistic of a perspective than I have but I admire it in you. I don't believe all change is good (I suspect about half of it is) and I don't think getting dumped has made me a "better person" necessarily. It may indirectly help me in some ways and indirectly (or directly) make me a worse person. To answer the OQ, my first wife died and of course I compare the two losses sometimes. I once posted that imagining this wife dead would have been too good for her. What I meant by that is if she had died, it wouldn't have been her fault (unless she killed herself of course but even then it may not have been because she hated me so much.) She CHOSE to end our relationship. No matter how much healing I do and no matter how much philosophizing I do, it always ends the same: our marriage didn't mean enough to her to try and work on it. I didn't mean enough to her. All that said, I love her and nothing will ever change that. I only wish her the best except that I hope she has sad times and thinks about me and what she lost and that it hurts, because that's what I'm going through and the thought that she's just happy is unbearable. I would never wish her dead nor ill nor physically hurt in any way. Even now if I knew of something that could hurt her, I'd do my best to protect her, even though we have not spoken for months and may never again. Sorry, I didn't mean to write my biography. The short answer is "no." Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NopeNah Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 That's a little more optimistic of a perspective than I have but I admire it in you. I don't believe all change is good (I suspect about half of it is) and I don't think getting dumped has made me a "better person" necessarily. It may indirectly help me in some ways and indirectly (or directly) make me a worse person. To answer the OQ, my first wife died and of course I compare the two losses sometimes. I once posted that imagining this wife dead would have been too good for her. What I meant by that is if she had died, it wouldn't have been her fault (unless she killed herself of course but even then it may not have been because she hated me so much.) She CHOSE to end our relationship. No matter how much healing I do and no matter how much philosophizing I do, it always ends the same: our marriage didn't mean enough to her to try and work on it. I didn't mean enough to her. All that said, I love her and nothing will ever change that. I only wish her the best except that I hope she has sad times and thinks about me and what she lost and that it hurts, because that's what I'm going through and the thought that she's just happy is unbearable. I would never wish her dead nor ill nor physically hurt in any way. Even now if I knew of something that could hurt her, I'd do my best to protect her, even though we have not spoken for months and may never again. Sorry, I didn't mean to write my biography. The short answer is "no." Ken That's kinda my thinking with this.. they chose to end it...let them. You'll continue to breath and exist.."whatever?"..ect.. Sorry you had to literally lose a partner..But, you still existed and carried on..Whether in death or life..we carry on..scares,bumps,bruises...whatever...we go forward.. This is just some shlt my mind thought about while on a beach watching the sunset a few days ago..a bit of a ramble if you will.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 No I would not rather than be dead. Just because they may have been lousy BFs to me -- most weren't we were simply not meant to be -- doesn't make them bad people. At the depths of my dislike for them I only wished bad things like they got stuck in elevators or that the phone would ring when they got in the shower. Death is permanent & even the worst SO still has parents, siblings & friends who would be heartbroken. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jaks Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 When my ex found out i knew he had cheated on me, he went mad left awful messages on my phone saying i hope you hurry up and die in ****, i was angry to think he could say that, so i used to think to myself i hope you hurry up rot & drop. Time is a great healer. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 No, I don't. I have had moments of severe anxiety whenever I thought of him getting it on (in the future) with another woman, etc., and the thought crossed my mind, that I'd rather if he died. Especially that his kid was a manipulative brat who ruined our relationship, and that would serve him right. But... I love my ex still, and I don't wish anything bad to happen to him. Also, even my jerk ex, from years ago, who was really nasty to me, treated me like dirt, etc., I don't wish bad things to happen to him. Especially now. The bitterness is gone. I feel I have matured through that disastrous relationship and I am sure I am going to mature through this latest break-up as well. However, I do wish, even now, despite all my love for my recent ex, that he will meet some nasty bitch woman who is gonna trick him into another pregnancy or treat him and his kid like dirt, so they realize what they missed out on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I did at one point. I told him I wanted him to die in a horrific car accident after I found out he'd been cheating on me. I don't regret it because that's how I felt at the time. He pretended to be hurt by it and yet had no problem causing me pain for years. Now, I don't really care what happens to him either way. Although I think living a life knowing you messed up something great that you'll spend forever and a day trying to replace is probably a little more painful than death. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Not dead or even unhappy, no. But the irony is, when you completely and utterly lose them, it's like they're dead anyway. I think that's why breakups can be so devastating - in the most severe circumstances you're bscly grieving the emotional equivalent of a death, only without the same social allowance and the eventual peace of mind or resolution of having grieved it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I used to feel that way, with other breakups. Then on a tortuous break, in the midst of an "are we gonna make it" type angsty fight with my fiancé, where I was heartbroken at the thought of him not wanting to be with me... he took his life. So, no. I don't wish he were dead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 No, I don't wish that on her. She's still a person after all, she has a family, and friends, just like everyone else. She's just a person who doesn't want to date me anymore. I don't want to dress it up as anything more than what it was. It does feel like she's dead though. I never see her because she doesn't live that close. Sure, I'll probably see her on campus, but it'll be like seeing a ghost. She won't be the same person to me. I won't be able to go up and talk to her (without feeling sick). Link to post Share on other sites
Cupid's Puppet Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I would take a bullet for my ex. So no way would I rather him dead. The thought that he is still alive is what keeps me happy when I miss him. If I ever found out he died, I just...I don't even want to think that way. Link to post Share on other sites
HowMightI-live Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 No, i could never wish her dead. She was a good person; just not the person for me. I wish her all the best in life. Link to post Share on other sites
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