Am I acting spoilt?

[LuckyxGuapa]

My grandparents passed away a few years ago. Since then, their house has been sold, and the money from the sale of the house has been split between my mum and her two sisters, and brother. Between the money from the sale of the house, and money in my granddads bank accounts, they each received approx £30k.

My nana and grandad unfortunately did not make a will before they passed away.

 

My mums two sisters and brother have each put aside money for their children. One auntie has given 2 of her children (28 & 30 yrs old) £5k each to help them out towards deposits for a mortgage, and has put £5k away for my other cousin (17yrs old) for when she turns 18 in December.

 

My other auntie has also done the same, and has put money in a bank account, ready for her 2 children when they turn 18. They are both 8 yrs old and 16 yrs old.

 

The same for my uncle, he too has put a big sum of money in an account for when his son turns 18. My cousin is 12 yrs old.

 

I am 27 yrs old, still living at home and I am desperate to move out. I own very few clothes, my car is on the verge of packing in all together, and I haven't had a holiday in years and very rarely go out because I just cannot afford it. I am working 6 days a week to try and earn and save as much money as possible, so that I can move out and pay rent on somewhere.

 

My mum hasn't offered me a penny of her £30k. I don't particularly want to rent, as I feel it is dead money, and would just be paying off someone else's mortgage. And seeing as though my parents are planning to move away, I want to be living somewhere with some stability, and not renting from a private landlord who could potentially put the flat up for sale at any time,and I would then have to look for somewhere else to live, especially as I could not even move back home temporarily.

 

I have talked to my mum about possibly lending me some of that money to get myself a mortgage and get my own place, I would pay her back x amount each month, but she just keeps saying no, that it isn't up for discussion and it's her money, not mine.

 

I know I sound ungrateful and I really don't mean too, I just find the whole situation slightly harsh. I understand that it is her money to do with as she pleases, but I just thought she might have helped me out a bit more.

 

Her and my dad have good jobs and earn a good wage, but they are forever having digs at me to move out, and it makes me feel as though I have out stayed my welcome in my own home.

 

The whole thing just gets me down. If my parents had more than one child, I could understand it, because what they do for me they would have to do for my other siblings, but I am their only one.

 

I could also understand if they just didn't have the money to help me, but my mum has £30k tied up in an account somewhere that isn't being touched.

 

I could really do some with help off them, but I guess I'm just going to have to do it all on my own.

[Satu]

At 27, you are an adult, and should be self-sufficient.

 

I think that you've got things much too easy, and that's why you're not doing as well in life as you should be.

 

i left home shortly before my 17th birthday, never slept a night there ever after, and never took a penny from them ever after.

 

Then I put myself through university, and established myself in a respected profession.

 

I have no debts whatsoever, and don't owe anyone anything.

 

I'm not saying this to boast or make you feel bad, but sitting around feeling upset because somebody won't GIVE YOU a large amount of money FOR NOTHING, isn't the way forward.

 

You need to stop treading water and make some effort.

 

You have to cut your cloth according to your means.

 

If your job doesn't pay you enough to live independently for 6 days work, work 7 days a week, or get another job on top of the one you have.

 

My life consisted of nothing but hard work and study, year after year.

 

I'm very comfortable now because of that.

 

I'm sorry but these are the harsh realities of life.

 

Don't ask your parents for anything.

 

They've given you more than enough, and more than they should have had to.

 

 

Take care.

[LuckyxGuapa]

I'm not asking for a large sum of money for nothing. I was hoping for a loan that I could pay back to them.

 

To say I have "had it too easy", really is not the case at all. However I appreciate your honesty and thank you for your reply.

[CarrieT]

Agree that at 27, you should be on your own.

 

And you have no right to money left to anyone else - regardless of reasons or relationships - even if it is just a loan.

 

Agree with Satu.

[Ms. Faust]

It's her inheritance money, you are out of line to even consider it. If she chooses to give it to a Mexican orphanage over you that is her decision and not your business.

 

I would get this legacy money out of your head and look at other means to becoming self sufficient and moving out.

[anika99]

You don't have the money to move out and rent but you would have the money to pay a mortgage, property taxes, utilities and pay back a loan? That doesn't make any sense.

 

 

I agree with Satu. Given your circumstance a loan of a few thousand dollars from your mother wouldn't actually do much or go far. You need a plan to get on your feet and become independent. Someone handing you a few grand won't actually change your situation.

[Tayla]

Op: you were wise to ask for a loan on contingency to pay it back in a certain time frame. The offer was declined. Pursue a bank .

 

Yes most times families are a good resource when times get tough. Sounds like they have given you room and board to help.

 

I don't think you are spoiled. Unrealistic ,perhaps.

 

Work on one goal at a time.. investing in a house is a huge task.

[Qboro90]

You don't have the money to move out and rent but you would have the money to pay a mortgage, property taxes, utilities and pay back a loan? That doesn't make any sense.

 

 

I agree with Satu. Given your circumstance a loan of a few thousand dollars from your mother wouldn't actually do much or go far. You need a plan to get on your feet and become independent. Someone handing you a few grand won't actually change your situation.

 

 

Great point. If your mom gave you 5-10k as a loan to help you buy your own place how do you expect to pay a mortgage or your electric, phone, heating, car insurance, groceries, living expenses, furniture for the place, etc. the list goes on and on. Do you have the capabilities to continuously pay those bills if you moved out next month? If not then I can see why your mom isn't budging on loaning you money. Do you have a stable job and income? If you lost your job in 6 months how would you pay the bills on the place you bought while looking for employment? Do you have a savings account? What have you saved on your own?

[LuckyxGuapa]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I work two jobs, 6 days a week and then overtime on the 7th day. I earn enough money to support myself and my wages would cover a mortgage repayment a month, bills etc (I don't think I made this clear).

 

My point is this... Here in the UK, on a 1 bedroom flat, your talking at least £400pcm on rent alone, plus then bills. My argument is that with a deposit down on a house/flat etc, my mortgage repayment would be cheaper than paying rent, it would be my own place and more stable. It wouldn't be dead money, and my mortgage repayment would be going towards MY mortgage, not a someone else's.

 

HOWEVER, I do not have money for a deposit, and if I started saving today for example, it would be years till I could afford to put my own deposit down (not to mention property prices constantly on the up!) , hence with my mum coming into this money, I thought I could try asking her for a loan, that I could pay her back over time. Not her GIVING me the money, but merely a loan.

[beatcuff]

I earn enough money to support myself

 

no you do not. if you did, the money for those expenses currently being covered by mommy (rent, toilet paper, soap) would be in a savings account for your down payment.

 

time to get serious about why you are still at home at the old age of 27 with no money in the bank.

[wb1988]

I don't particularly want to rent, as I feel it is dead money

 

Not really, you are paying money for the use of a residential premises. If you have a mortgage the interest component of the payments could be considered 'dead money'; as someone that pays a mortgage I see the interest component just as bad as when I was paying rent. Also, you mention only £400/mo for a flat so it sounds like you live in an area that wouldn't appreciate in value anyway.

 

My life consisted of nothing but hard work and study, year after year.

 

I'm very comfortable now because of that.

 

I've been through a similar experience. It's not just work hard but also work smart. It sounds like the OP considers the number of hours as a benchmark for how hard you work, rather than the actual work done. Flipping burgers all day everyday isn't going to get you anywhere.

 

It's her inheritance money, you are out of line to even consider it. If she chooses to give it to a Mexican orphanage over you that is her decision and not your business.

 

I would get this legacy money out of your head and look at other means to becoming self sufficient and moving out.

 

I disagree with this, OP I agree with you and 100% understand. You are her only son/daughter, realistically £30k isn't going to make a difference to her life but it sounds like it could dramatically improve yours. You've been wanting to move on for so long and don't seem to see any way to do it so you're stuck, but the £30k she received would solve all your problems. The fact that she didn't actually 'work' for the money should have devalued its worth to her so I'm surprised she didn't give the whole £30k to you — maybe you guys aren't that close?

 

Op: you were wise to ask for a loan on contingency to pay it back in a certain time frame. The offer was declined. Pursue a bank .

 

Yeah I don't think she actually meant to pay it back, but just said it to improve the chances of receiving it — or maybe I'm projecting . I can tell you from experience that you only get credit when you don't really need it, I'm sure he/she has already pursed & failed getting credit from a bank.

 

Anyway my final advice is that even if you get the £30k you have to watch out, it might seem like a lot but when you start making payments towards an apartment, car, etc it's burns out real quick.

Edited August 14, 2015 by wb1988

[Diezel]

That's a windfall for someone else, not for you.

 

She can do as she pleases with it, even if that means nothing for you. So yes, you are acting spoilt.

 

You shouldn't even be counting on that money for any. Earn your own way.

[Penguin_hugs]

I suggest you need to prove to your family you can be independent. You are not "entitled" to their money, but maybe if they see you in a different light they may feel more inclined to give you a loan.

 

Put it this way- if you are just living with them and receive a loan- they feel like it would just be squandered. If you live on your own, pay bills and can't save enough for a deposit- then they can see you are really trying.

 

Besides £400pcm for a flat is not expensive- I guess you are in the North! I live in the South and pay £500 for a room in a shared house (but that does include bills). My BF lives in a rental flat in an expensive area and pays £825 a month. He's also 27.

[anika99]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I work two jobs, 6 days a week and then overtime on the 7th day. I earn enough money to support myself and my wages would cover a mortgage repayment a month, bills etc (I don't think I made this clear).

 

My point is this... Here in the UK, on a 1 bedroom flat, your talking at least £400pcm on rent alone, plus then bills. My argument is that with a deposit down on a house/flat etc, my mortgage repayment would be cheaper than paying rent, it would be my own place and more stable. It wouldn't be dead money, and my mortgage repayment would be going towards MY mortgage, not a someone else's.

 

HOWEVER, I do not have money for a deposit, and if I started saving today for example, it would be years till I could afford to put my own deposit down (not to mention property prices constantly on the up!) , hence with my mum coming into this money, I thought I could try asking her for a loan, that I could pay her back over time. Not her GIVING me the money, but merely a loan.

 

 

This still doesn't make any sense. In your first post you were crying broke, have a barely functional car, can't go out, can't buy clothes etc. Now suddenly you have lots of money and you could easily pay your mortgage, your bills and repay your mother the loan. If you make so much money then why are you still living at home in the first place and since you are living at home why haven't you saved enough money to make your own down payment? Your mom has already helped you just by letting still live with her.

 

 

This is your mom's inheritance from her parents. She had to wait for her mom and dad to die before she got it. Perhaps when your parents die you will also get an inheritance. but you don't have any God given right to your mothers money right now. She likely spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on you just in raising you and now here you are, 27 yrs old, still living at home and with your hand out demanding more more more! I left home when I was 16yrs old, never went back and never got 1 red penny from my mother after I left. Grow up and take responsibility for yourself.

[RoseVille]

My mum hasn't offered me a penny of her £30k. I don't particularly want to rent, as I feel it is dead money, and would just be paying off someone else's mortgage.

 

She is giving you money, by not charging you rent. You're already mooching off your parents, who are being very generous as it is.

[mrs rubble]

I understand your frustration, when I was 24 I asked my parents for a $700 dollar loan. I'd found a house I wanted to buy and with the money I had, I was just $700 short. I'm an only child too, and my parents were fairly well off. They refused to lend me the $700 and I was angry that they wouldn't help me out, so I know how you are feeling.

 

However I look back now, and realize that I could've bargined with the Real Estate agent or the vendors and put the $700 onto either of them in a bid to get the house!!

 

My cousins also inherited Money (big amounts), none of them bought property though, they all have nothing to show for it today.

 

I worked and saved and worked and saved and raised 2 boys on my own and I have my own property...so it can be done despite, having no help and against the odds (being a solo mum.) I'm looking for a holiday place now!!

 

The best you can do is make a plan on how you are going to acheive this dream on your own, there is a lot of pride to be felt when you go it alone.