"There's no doubt in my mind you're the one I want to marry."

[lana-banana]

Immediately followed by "Oh goddammit, I told myself I wasn't gonna be the one to say it first!"

 

After a long discussion we decided A) yes, we do really want to do this B) we also really don't want to screw this up and C) I should start sending him rings that I like. That's OK with me. He feels completely right in every way.

 

What are some things about getting married you didn't know until it happened to you?

[minimariah]

congrats, Lana!!!

 

 

(can't think of anything specific on topic but i will and i'll come back, just wanted to congratulate! LOL.)

[mrldii]

Ditto on the congrats, OP!!!

 

 

Hmmmm...the first thing that comes to mind is the "wedding" has absolutely nothing to do with the "marriage".

 

Keep that in mind when stressing and fretting over who is/is NOT invited, how much money is being spent, and when making seating charts to ensure your Aunt Mabel doesn't get put next to his Aunt Wilma.

 

Seriously, if I'd *known* that (in my heart-of-hearts instead of just letting it go in one ear and out the other), I'd have saved the $20K (in 1983 dollars), gotten married by a Justice-of-the-Peace, and spent more time and money socializing with the people who I would have invited to join us to celebrate our marriage, where we were honeymooning,

 

instead of scurrying around frantically for the four hours before the ceremony, uncomfortably squirming during the hour of the wedding, and then frantically scurrying around to say "Hello. Thank you! Bye!" for the four hour reception.

 

Best of luck - and LOVE!!! - to the both of you!

[d0nnivain]

It's incredibly F'ing expensive.

 

 

It takes a long time because it takes several months to make a wedding gown.

 

 

WP really does bring out the worst in people.

 

 

I'm convinced the wedding industry hates women.

 

 

The engagement is like a crucible. You get put under so much pressure that it has the power to rip you apart if you let it.

 

 

I cried several times per week, not because I didn't love my FI but because the pressure is intense.

 

 

It's waaaayyyy more than a piece of paper. I woke up the next morning terrified at the magnitude of what we'd done. It was overwhelming.

 

 

Being married is fun. We grow closer every day but it's work. There's a lot to negotiate, including money. It took a while for me to really view us as a team I had never made decisions based on someone else's needs & considerations.

[HonestAmy]

Congratulations X

[kgcolonel]

Been married for 32 years, 33 in Nov. Looks at your in-laws...know that this is the training that formed your future spouse. Embrace them as they can be a great asset to helping you through the valleys that will come down the road.

 

Be all-in with your relationship to your marriage. Be fully committed and always honor both your marriage and your spouse, this will create a bond that will serve as a foundation.

 

Never allow boredom to set in within the bedroom.....seek ways to keep things lively and listen to what is desired by your spouse.

 

Great that your are asking these questions!!

[SolG]

I'd grab two copies of Chapman's 'Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married' and '5 Love Languages'; then read and discuss them together. Chapman is a bit old fashioned and very religious, but there's some great foundational stuff in his books.

 

Congratulations!!!!!!! :-D

Edited August 17, 2015 by SolG

[oohlala]

Immediately followed by "Oh goddammit, I told myself I wasn't gonna be the one to say it first!"

 

After a long discussion we decided A) yes, we do really want to do this B) we also really don't want to screw this up and C) I should start sending him rings that I like. That's OK with me. He feels completely right in every way.

 

What are some things about getting married you didn't know until it happened to you?

 

That a legitimate male fantasy involves sex with your bride while she's wearing her wedding dress.

 

lol. I find this ridiculously cute. We're getting married in December.

[oohlala]

I'd grab two copies of Chapman's 'Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married' and '5 Love Languages'; then read and discuss them together. Chapman is a bit old fashioned and very religious, but there's some great foundational stuff in his books.

 

Congratulations!!!!!!! :-D

 

The Love Languages is great.

[oohlala]

Ditto on the congrats, OP!!!

 

 

Hmmmm...the first thing that comes to mind is the "wedding" has absolutely nothing to do with the "marriage".

 

Keep that in mind when stressing and fretting over who is/is NOT invited, how much money is being spent, and when making seating charts to ensure your Aunt Mabel doesn't get put next to his Aunt Wilma.

 

Seriously, if I'd *known* that (in my heart-of-hearts instead of just letting it go in one ear and out the other), I'd have saved the $20K (in 1983 dollars), gotten married by a Justice-of-the-Peace, and spent more time and money socializing with the people who I would have invited to join us to celebrate our marriage, where we were honeymooning,

 

instead of scurrying around frantically for the four hours before the ceremony, uncomfortably squirming during the hour of the wedding, and then frantically scurrying around to say "Hello. Thank you! Bye!" for the four hour reception.

 

Best of luck - and LOVE!!! - to the both of you!

 

I'm REALLY happy the "Wedding for Two" trend has taken off the last few years. My fiance said he's always known he wanted to elope, and when he said that I actually thought "God that makes so much sense. Why didn't I ever think this way?"

 

I have family drama and it's ALWAYS been a stressor I just don't want involved on my wedding day (was engaged before, family was awful about it despite loving the guy).

 

My brother did JOP and the judge was terribly rude, interupting the service taking phone calls, etc. - as my brother kissed the bride the judge actually ANSWERED his phone about TEE TIME. It's on video.

 

They didn't care but I didn't want to go about it that way.

 

Instead we're having a little miniature wedding at a beautiful historic mansion, and I suppose technically we're having two guests, who happen to live in the area and one will be my photographer. They will both serve as witnesses.

 

I'm still having a beautiful (and petite!) wedding cake, dress, he'll be in a tux, we'll still have a champagne toast and then we'll go off for photos.

 

I love love love this idea! So happy it's going to be personal and beautiful despite not being an enormous event.

[lana-banana]

Love in the modern era: when he asks to follow your super-secret wedding board on Pinterest.

 

(To my credit, it's only a couple rings and dresses I picked out for myself while I helped an engaged friend set up her dream wedding style, but it's still pretty embarrassing.)

 

We had the kids talk and decided we want to at least pursue biological children before looking towards adoption. I feel slightly nervous because of my reproductive difficulties, but having kids at all seems scary. Having kids with him, on the other hand, seems perfectly easy and right. The next step is a trip to the bank to get an unbiased look at our financial situation and see what we can afford in terms of a home. And then we'll talk about ideal places to live, handling day-to-day money, distribution of labor, etc...

 

I am sure there are lots of other discussions to be had that I haven't even considered. What was the silliest or strangest premarital conversation you had with your SO?

[baco]

I have never understood the need of a huge wedding party, I got married but didn't had a reception or anything like that, just signed the papers and had a quite dinner with family and some close friends, no wedding dress, no planning, no stress.