spafco Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Hi ill try explain as much as i can without overbearing the information. Backroundn Im in a LDR with a girl 2000KM away. we been speaking on phone evernight for hours and try to meet up once a month. (over 8 months) Her status - she is from a small european coutnry and came to australia for love got married although it was a abusive relationship and left. She got alot of help from a friend in AU and advice to come back and try get a permanent visa on the account of the abusive relationship which is still in process. going back to the small country after a failed marage will mean she will be ridculed which is a shame we are getting really close although moving in together is not a option at this stage we are slowly comming out to family and friends as being a european backround its a slow process for both of us. She currently lives with her uncle and visits the girl/friend every weekend Question Her friend and the friends boyfriend are going to move into a apartment together first time. She says to repay the favor of the friend helping her when things went down for her she will move in for 1 year with them. I don't think moving in with a friend and her bf would be a favor to her friend. Also think that 1 year is a long time to commit herself to a apartment when maybe we might want to live together at some stage. My advice to her was to move in although have a conversaation before hand letting them know that she wants to live with them although her situation might change as her visa is up in the air, my and her relationship can get closer and stronger and we might waant to move in together and letting them know upfront that she might not commit to the year sounds like a smart move Do you think shes doing her friend a favor and paying her back for all her help by moving in with her? are her friends doing her another favor by saying yes come live with us or is she doing her a favor? does my reasoning and advice to her sound logical and smart any other comments and thoughts would be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Do you think shes doing her friend a favor and paying her back for all her help by moving in with her? are her friends doing her another favor by saying yes come live with us or is she doing her a favor? does my reasoning and advice to her sound logical and smart any other comments and thoughts would be appreciated If your girlfriend moving in means splitting the rent three ways instead of two, then yes, she's doing her friend a favor. If your girlfriend feels encumbered by living with her uncle, and moving in with her friend offers her more freedom/convenience/privacy, then yes, her friend is doing her a favor by offering a place to live. Your reasoning and advice about possibly breaking the lease makes sense. At the very least, it's polite to inform the friend that your girlfriend may be leaving before the year is up. Is your girlfriend getting a divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spafco Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 Hi thanks for your advice yes in AU there is a minumum 1 year before the divorce can be finallised its just past that point - and there is no contact at all with the ex as she is fearful of him. she will split the rent 3 ways just my thinking was she would be adding to the expenses along with the friend having to rent a larger house thanks Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Hi thanks for your advice yes in AU there is a minumum 1 year before the divorce can be finallised its just past that point - and there is no contact at all with the ex as she is fearful of him. Glad to hear he's out of her life! she will split the rent 3 ways just my thinking was she would be adding to the expenses along with the friend having to rent a larger house thanks I see. Well, a larger house, while maybe not as cost-efficient, still has pluses. There is more room, perhaps a yard or garden, more privacy, so on. It would allow a better quality of living for the friend, thanks to your girlfriend. And yes, there maybe added utilities to pay, but weighed against the independence of not living with an uncle, it just may be worth it for your gf. Other than the lease, is there something about the living arrangement that worries you? Do you worry it will negatively impact your relationship in some way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spafco Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 No not thinking of that, all im thinking is that we are getting closer and closer, and its getting harder and harder to be apart - so not sure what the future holds but 1 year to be locked in limits our options when i might make a move or she might make a move so thats my main concern - your comments have been very helpful thank you Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 we been speaking on phone evernight for hours and try to meet up once a month. (over 8 months) Who traveled for these 8 trips? Her status - she is from a small european coutnry and came to australia for love got married although it was a abusive relationship and left. So she got back to her native country? For how long? Where was she staying when she moved out of her home in Australia? She got alot of help from a friend in AU and advice to come back and try get a permanent visa on the account of the abusive relationship which is still in process. going back to the small country after a failed marage will mean she will be ridculed which is a shame Is she from Macedonia or very near that area? I can't think of what other small countries there might be, where she'd feel ridiculed after a failed marriage. Also, does that mean that when she left Australia, she didn't tell anyone that she was filing for divorce? She made up some story for parents/relatives/neighbors in her country? moving in together is not a option at this stage This part is not very clear. Can you explain why it's not an option? we are slowly comming out to family and friends as being a european backround its a slow process for both of us. 1. Are you European too? 2. How and why is it a slow process? Can you please explain better? She currently lives with her uncle and visits the girl/friend every weekend Why? How far is her friend from her uncle? When you say "visits", do you mean she sleeps at her friend's place? Do you think shes doing her friend a favor and paying her back for all her help by moving in with her? I think that if your girlfriend wanted to repay her friend, she'd be giving her money. But yes, living with her for a while paying 1/3 of the rent + her share of the bills is another way to repay her, if she was broke and couldn't pay while being a guest in the friend's home in the past. are her friends doing her another favor by saying yes come live with us or is she doing her a favor? I don't think it's anyone's dream to have someone around the house when you're in the honeymoon phase with your lover. does my reasoning and advice to her sound logical and smart Yes, kind of, but the part about you not being able to live with her. any other comments and thoughts would be appreciated When she's with her friend, can you spend time with your girlfriend at night? Or are you resuming contact when she goes back to her uncle? By resuming contact, I don't mean you can't message/text, rather no cam, no long calls. My question: Aren't you afraid she gets kicked out of Australia? What's your plan if that happens? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts